Dear JJ-Club Statement

Dear JJ,

Despite the reverse in Aberdeen, Lady Bear and I are in fine fettle as we sample the München brews and do our utmost to blend in to the crowd. As you can see from the enclosed photograph Lady Bear is sizzling the Bavarian Bratwursts with her latest outfit:

Adult Oktobermiss Costume Couples Costume

Whereas I look like a gay Von Trapp from The Sound of Music:

 

Adult Deluxe Traditional Rutger Bavarian Costume

 

For a bit of fun we have placed a bid on e-bay for a job lot of 100 broken red plastic seats, which are surplus to requirements at Pittodrie. I understand that they featured in an entertaining game of volleyball as both sets of supporters traded bons mots from sweet mouths.  Unfortunately the safe standing initiative from the Rangers supporters was somewhat sullied by a lusty bastardisation of an old nursery rhyme. Who would have thought that ‘Little Bo Beep‘ would have lost more than her sheep in Aberdeen?

The local news stands carry The Daily Rectum comic which Lady Bear uses for cat litter. She would be lost without our Siamese Aristocat, Super Ally. As she was laying down some sheets of cheap newsprint I noted that some of the Rectum’s Rangers Cheerleaders would have us believe that we have never had it so good. Did a warm glow of reverie descend on Mark Warburton after the ninety minutes was up? Forgive me for saying but in photographs in the Rectum he looks like an angry Daddy Bear who has discovered that an Aberdonian Goldilocks had eaten his porridge. He did not appear to be serenading the match officials with a cover of ‘Que Sera, Sera

Joey Barton’s new computer game,  A Clueless Country, features Mark Warburton as a Super Mario type character trying to find his way out of a maze while red plastic seats rain down on him. The Warburton-on-sea Avatar is carrying a basket of potatoes. The object of the game is to get out of the maze, avoid having a red seat impaled in your cranium and not ‘drop your spuds.

There are many parallels to the SPFL where Warburton-on-sea has dropped twelve points. If things don’t improve there will only be one goldfish left in the Glasgow fish bowl:

“Does our club statement lack balance?”

 

Should we console ourselves with some stand-up comedy, we don’t have far to look as a new statement has been released by Paul Murray’s hair. The statement is evidently a confection of bouffant and brass neck as Rangers aspired to take the gloss off Celtic. It was a naked exercise in PR for Dummies. I wonder if Je Suis Graham created it while wearing his Grand Wizard’s uniform of white robe and pointy hat?  If this is the case he should cut another eyelet in the white hood of his ‘glory suit‘ as his narrative is somewhat one-eyed:

“Following yesterday’s Judicial Panel decision Rangers will be demanding urgent clarification from the Scottish FA over how they intend ensuring the safety of players and officials participating in this season’s Scottish Cup. The Club has been left shocked by the SFA’s approach to this vital safety issue and by the decision not to seek sanctions in respect of the assaults by Hibernian supporters on Rangers players and officials at the end of the Cup Final last May. The Scottish FA must have a basic duty of care to ensure the safety of players and officials in matches played in their competitions and at Hampden. Rangers were surprised and disappointed by the nature of the charges brought by the association believing them fundamentally flawed from the outset and cannot understand why the focus seemed to be on compensating the association for damage to Hampden Stadium and items such as advertising hoardings and LED panels rather than ensuring the safety of players and officials. Rangers are concerned that adopting this approach will not dissuade supporters of other Clubs from coming onto the field of play and/or assaulting players and officials. Rangers were also astonished by the fact Hibernian, whose Chairman Rod Petrie is Vice-president of the Scottish FA, were permitted to engage the SPFL’s solicitor to fight the charges being brought by the SFA. Using the legal adviser to one of Scottish Football’s two governing bodies to defend charges brought by the other is worrying enough for those concerned with the good governance and integrity of Scottish Football, but it is even more disturbing when the party at the centre of the conflict also has a foot in both camps and is scheduled to become the SFA’s President. Rangers are also extremely disappointed at Mr Petrie’s continued failure to issue an apology in respect of the assaults on our players and officials.At the time of the Cup Final Rangers shared the outrage and concern expressed by the Scottish FA Chief Executive Stewart Regan. He was very clear: ‘It was appalling. In the UK this is one of the worst incidents of its kind I’ve seen.’ However, four months on from the Final, the Scottish FA have still not held a formal de-brief. Sheriff Bowen has prepared and issued a report. Rangers were pleased to provide evidence to Sheriff Bowen and offered guidance from our own very experienced security team on the failings in policing and stewarding at the match. Rangers remain disappointed and concerned that the report did not address many of the issues raised by our security team. The concerns were raised not to attack individuals for what had happened but with a view to avoiding any repetition of these issues. Rangers would hope all of Scottish Football would be united in agreeing this is paramount.The continued failure to deal properly and promptly with issues surrounding the Cup Final is alarming and a stain on Scottish football. The SFA must confront and learn from the issues that arose. Rangers owe it to our players and supporters to ensure that the Scottish FA’s duty of care is upheld and that those with authority in Scottish Football create a safe environment for the game. It should be understood Rangers will not tolerate any of their employees being attacked with impunity.

I trust you concur with my choice of red typeface as the anger and indignation drips from every diphthong. Lady Bear and I created a drinking game for our new-found friends in Herr Clink’s Mein Kampf Oompah Band.  German was never my strongest suit but I believe that ‘my struggle’ captures the essence of the brass ensemble. The object of the game is to read the statement aloud while keeping a straight face. Our German guests are hard task masters and insist on drinking a shot of Schnapps in one go if there is even the slightest inflection in vocal delivery. Lady Bear later reflected that King should be in ‘The Clink‘ and that only the most gullible would accept his ‘victim mentality’ narrative. If he makes enough noise does he hope that we will all forget that King is £30m short of an Old Firm sandwich?

 As  Voltaire asserted in “Reflexions sur de jonque”: “Lorsque l’on effectue une action, atteint un mauvais résultat, puis répète l’action plusieurs fois attendent un meilleur résultat, on est un peu fou de singe, non?”

My Haberdasher’s  prep schoolboy French, although a little rusty, arrived at the following:

 “When one carries out an action, that reaches a bad result, then one repeats the same action several times, expecting a better result- one is a little-insane monkey, no?

 

Image result for image of Dave King as a monkey?
Since the Jim White’s beatification on Sky, King had to return his misappropriated wine and has now converted his basement into a Bears’ Den.

 

Lady Bear sends her love.

 

Yours in Rangers,

Edward (Teddy) Bear Esquire

Neuturmstraße 1, 80331 München, Germany

 

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Dear Teddy,

Lady Bear and a large beer! What more could any red-blooded male ask for. Well a result at Ibrox tomorrow would be a good start when the Jags are visitors. One wonders whether they will take their LSD-inspired mascot to scare the kids. This will not of course be a problem for Mark Warburton’s League of Venerable Gentlemen.

I note that the Ibrox bookmaker, Honest Joey Barton will not be betting in play tomorrow. He’s already on the marble naughty step and as Warburton-On-Sea has been banned from the dugout tomorrow there’s not enough room on the directors’ box naughty step. When I look at the statement my thoughts turn to Warburton’s band on the run and a squirrel to deflect from the poor performamces on the field of play and CFC’s Champions League showing against the Champions-elect of English football. Joey Barton is left of centre, just behind the squirrel:

Image result for Band on the run images

 

If I was tasked with composing a sentence or two  with ‘appalling;  failings; impunity; shocked and safety’, which all feature in the angry prose, I would write the following:

“I am shocked to note that the connectors of three roofs have so severely deteriorated that the safety of spectators is being compromised. This is an appalling failing on the part of the board who by their negligence are threatening the lives of their supporters with impunity.”

This would be much closer to the truth apropos matters at Ibrox.

My love as always to Lady Bear. If she is successful in her bid for the ‘distressed’ chairs from Pittodrie, might I be so bold to suggest a garden promenade at your Chalfonts estate, featuring Herr Clink’s band. We could repair them to seat the entire village.

Yours in Rangers,

JJ

SDM: The Man Who Sold The Jerseys Long Before The Whyte Transaction.

In the course of just over a year this site has become regarded as the go-to-site for individuals who were, and continue to be, central to the Rangers narrative. Readers would be surprised by some of the names who engage in private correspondence with this site’s humble author, creator and owner. These individuals know that I am inordinately well-informed and that my only agenda is the truth.

It’s important to note why I’m the go-to-guy for these very important individuals. The idea of corresponding with Phil Macgiollabhain is anathema to them. I voted for Phil in the FBA Awards, but his long-term involvement with An Phoblacht ( The Republic) which is published by Sinn Fein, is instructive of his politics and his antipathy to Rangers. It’s interesting to note that this 32-page monthly journal has a circulation of 15,000, which is similar to the daily readership of this site. It’s online edition receives circa 100,000 hits in any given week. This site, which has elicited 6,733,623 hits as I write (verified by WordPress’ counter widget), received 169,706 hits to September 12 and 157,680 hits to September 19. Mr Macgiollabhain has 31,800 followers on Twitter. This site has just over 4,000 followers. Twenty-seven thousand and eight hundred individuals prefer to get their news on the Rangers narrative from Phil Mac, however in doing so they won’t have access to the document which will directly follow this preface. My access was restricted. I was not allowed to copy and paste. As it’s a very significant two-page document, I chose to transcribe it word for word yesterday evening as others were free to watch Celtic and Manchester City engage in a six-goal thriller. The details in my transcription of the document have not been altered in any way, save for a comment in brackets to explain what WDV signifies. I have occasionally used red typeface for emphasis.  The providers of the document, which I’m not at liberty to disclose, are impeccable sources at the summit of their chosen profession.

On Monday of next week, Craig Whyte will appear at Glasgow’s High Court of Judiciary. Whyte has been pursued by DCI Jim Robertson and shadowed by Halloween Houston. He has been accused of being the architect of the demise of Rangers. The following document which details David Murray’s involvement, portrays a distinctly different narrative. Rangers were in financial free fall long before Whyte’s involvement. Murray’s Russian Doll approach to his business interests is not easy to fathom, but I invite readers to read the following as conscientiously as possible. I will draw my own detailed conclusions at a later juncture in this piece.

 

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The Rangers Football Club plc (co number SC004276)                                                    Annual Report to 30 June 2010

Report of the Directors                                                                                                              SDM interest noted via shareholdings in Murray International Holdings Limited the holding company of Murray MHL Limited. He also had an interest via interest in RFC Investment Holding Limited, the holding company of Murray Sports Limited. Registered shareholders are Murray MHL Limited and RFC Investment Holdings Limited.

P33 Notes                                                                                                                                   Ultimate holding company is noted as Murray International Holdings Limited which SDM controls.

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Murray MHL Limited (SC143450)                                                                                   Financial Statement to 30 June 2010  

 P10 Notes                                                                                                                                        Subsidiary stated as The Rangers Football Club plc – 57% WDV (Written Down Value) at 30 June 2010 £42.588m. Other investments include 7.2% of issued shares in Murray Sports Limited

P13 Notes                                                                                                                                 Ultimate holding company is Murray International Holdings Limited

Financial statements to 30 June 2011                                                                                   Directors Report (and P11 Notes)                                                                                        During the year the company acquired 37,488,489 shares in The Rangers Football Club plc for a consideration of £11.9m from Murray Sports Limited (a company in which Murray MHL Limited has a participating interest).

The company’s shareholding was then sold to a third party ( Craig Whyte) for a consideration of £1 creating a loss on disposal of 54,493,923.

P12 Notes                                                                                                     

During the year RFC Investments Limited sold its entire equity shareholding in The Rangers Football Club Limited to Murray MHL Limited in consideration for the waiver of loan notes (£60.6m) and interest (£49.3m).

P13 Notes                                                                                                                              Authorised share capital 1.2m shares of £1 each.  Allotted, called up and fully paid – 1.1m  of ordinary shares of £1 each.

P14 Notes                                                                                                                                           On 7 March 2012 Murray International Holdings Limited and certain subsidiaries completed a financial restructuring. 

Annual Return as at 31 December 2009                                                                                     At 31 December 2009 all issued shares (1.1m) held by Murray Group Management Limited.

Annual Return as at 31 December 2010                                                                                    20 April 2010 1.1m shares transferred from Murray Group Management Limited to Murray Group Holdings Limited.

21 April 2010 1.1m shares transferred from Murray Group Holdings Limited to HSDL Nominees Limited. At 31 December 2010 all 1.1m shares held by HSDL Nominees Limited.

There is no mention of HSDL Nominees holding the shares for any other party.

Annual Return as at 31 December 2013                                                                                      At 31 December 2013 all 1.1m shares still held by HSDL Nominees Limited. Murray MHL Limited was dissolved on  2 January 2015.

Murray Group Holdings Limited (SC139469)                                                                   Placed into liquidation on 16 February 2015 (Deloitte appointed)

Financial Statements to 30 June 2010 and 2011                                                                         P 11 (2010) and P14 (2011)

 The subsidiaries of Murray Group Holdings Limited are listed and said to include Murray MHL Limited as 100% holding. In the 2010 statement The Rangers Football Club plc was shown as 61% subsidiary of an intermediate parent company. For both years the ultimate holding company is Murray International Holdings Limited, with ultimate control being attributed to Sir David Murray 

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HSDL Nominees Limited (02249630)

Incorporated  29 April 1988. In 2010 and 2011 the company’s immediate parent company was Halifax Share Dealing Limited with the ultimate parent being Lloyds Banking Group plc.

Financial Statements for the years ended 31 December 2010 and 2011

Directors in 2010 included Graeme Shankland who resigned on 16 June 2010. The principal activity is a nominees holding company. The financial position in 2009,2010 and 2011 showed only assets of amounts owed by parent undertaking £2.

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Murray Sports Limited                                                                                                               Annual Return as at 13 January 2010,2011 and 2012

Ordinary shares in issue total 19,797.053 of 10p each. Shareholders include:

  1. Noble Grossart Investments Limited – 811, 567 shares
  2. Murray MHL Limited – 1,424,947
  3. Uberior Investments plc – 1,657,881
  4. Alastair Johnston – 76,616
  5. Metlika Trading Limited (BVI Dave King) -3,064, 627  

Final Statement for year ended 30 June 2011                                                                             P4 Directors’ Report

At 30 June 2010 SDM held beneficial interest in 98,801,034 shares in The Rangers Football Club plc.

P14 Notes

On 31 January 2011 Murray Sports Limited acquired the entire equity shareholding in The Rangers Football Club plc which had been held in RFC Investment Holdings Limited, one of its subsidiaries.

On 2nd February 2011 Murray Sports Limited sold its entire equity shareholding in The Rangers Football Club plc to Murray MHL Limited its immediate parent company waiving the residual balance on the loan notes and creating a gain of £60,603,000.

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Take a close look at the following photograph. One should note that there are others engaged in signing over Rangers to Craig  Whyte. The presence of a hand in the right foreground suggests more than one signatory is sitting at the table. Don’t be distracted by the presence of Whyte and the pixellated image of an individual wearing a dark suit and a blue tie. The real action is at the table.

Image result

 

Have a close look at these three transactions:

  1. Financial statements to 30 June 2011: During the year the company, Murray MHL Limited, acquired 37,488,489 shares in The Rangers Football Club plc for a consideration of £11.9m from Murray Sports Limited (a company in which Murray MHL Limited has a participating interest).
  2. 2 April 2010 1.1m shares transferred from Murray Group Management Limited to Murray Group Holdings Limited.
  3. 21 April 2010 1.1m shares transferred from Murray Group Holdings Limited to HSDL Nominees Limited. At 31 December 2010 all 1.1m shares held by HSDL Nominees Limited.

As Dave King owned 15.48% of Murray Sports Limited, he picked up a cool £1,842,120 just prior to all his assets being sequestrated. Despite this he continued to plead hardship to SARS who set up the Mareva injunctions of his Guernsey accounts.

However one should ignore the activity of the piss-ant criminal and look at the big picture. Murray had already transferred 61% of The Rangers Football Club plc to HSDL Nominees. In 1.2, & 3, he transfers the remainder of his holding of 85.2%

As at 31 December 2010, four months prior to the sale to Whyte, HSDL Nominees Limited owned Rangers. Murray was a signatory as he had a participatory interest, as noted in the first paragraph of my document. He had gambled away Rangers. He had run up £109.9m in debts. These loan notes consisted of £60.6m capital and £49.3m in long overdue interest payment.

Lloyds were evidently prepared to allow Whyte to pay 16.8p on the pound to acquire their equity. The narrative that Murray was duped by Whyte, and that the bank forced him to sell to Whyte, is disingenuous. As Hugh Adam noted, David Murray was a great salesman. Murray roped in Whyte to appease Lloyds who were taking a razor to his £800m of debts. He achieved 16.8p in the pound for his banker. They allowed him one final flourish and photo opportunity prior to closing him down.

The document that I transcribed in painstaking detail has only been seen by a small number of individuals on a need to know basis. It is a very significant exclusive. I have been promised more insightful documents from the same source. Should this site continue, my readers will have access to the best sources of information bar none.

I would prefer not to write these final couple of paragraphs as I am a proud man who does not like losing face. I have been compared to a busker who is singing for his supper by one commenter. Is it a conceit for me to consider this site, that I have built from nothing in a year with thousands of hours of dedication, somewhat better than a few strummed chords in the underground?

I’ve noticed a worrying trend on Paypal. Some enterprising individuals have set up recurring payments in advance. On the  27th/28th October I will receive £1.40, £2, 3 x £5 and one £10 payment. £26.40 is the sum total of my worth in late October. September was ignored by these individuals. Maybe I’m wrong. I do a passable cover of the Peter Gabriel classic: In Your Eyes:

“Love I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
All my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes
Love, I don’t like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival

 

Should you pass me in the underpass of Bank station, give generously so that I can return to writing. I wonder if I can earn the £26.40 that will be withdrawn for folding up my tent?

 

 

The Football Association’s ‘Bunga Bunga’ Bourse of Backhanders.

 

In a previous article (JJ passim-29/3/2016- A Tale of Two Enquiries) the sordid past of Sam Allardyce was introduced to readers of this site. Lord Stevens, who chaired the English FA’s investigative team, Quest, issued his commission’s final report on 15 June 2007. Lord Stevens and his team found that there was a case to answer in regard to 17 player transfers, involving five clubs, three managers and numerous agents and other third parties. In summary, the report stated:

“There is no evidence of any irregular payments to current club officials or players, and they are identified only as a consequence of the outstanding issues the inquiry has had with the agents involved.The inquiry remains concerned at the conflict of interest that it believes existed between Craig Allardyce, his father Sam Allardyce – the then manager at Bolton – and the club itself. Agent Pinhas Zahavi has failed to co-operate fully with the inquiry. There was an initial failure to disclose his involvement in a number of transfers but, more seriously, he has failed to provide the inquiry with complete bank statements due to the confidential nature of them. There has also been a lack of responsiveness by Zahavi. There remains questions relating to his relationship with, and payments to, licensed agent Barry Silkman, and with Silkman’s failure to initially disclose his involvement in all the transactions in which he has received fees.There remains inconsistencies in evidence provided by Graeme Souness – a former manager of Newcastle United – and Kenneth Shepherd (son of the former Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd)— apparently acting in an undefined role but not as a club official – as to their respective roles in transfer negotiations.”

On 28 November 2007 there were a number of arrests by City of London Police which included Harry Redknapp, Peter Storrie, Milan Mandaric, Amdy Faye, agent Willie McKay, Karren Brady and David Sullivan. At a subsequent trial, Harry Redknapp was acquitted by a jury of his peers. Ibrox was raided by detectives looking into the transfer of Boumsong. It was noted that Graeme Souness received a £30,000 EBT bung for his procurement services as manager of Newcastle United. He may have received more.

It was fortunate that The City of London Police Force conducted the raid at Ibrox. If it had been in the purview of Strathclyde Police, Rangers Head of Security would have been tipped off (just as he was on the identities of HMRC officials) which would have resulted in sufficient shredding to produce a ticker tape parade for Hilary Clinton’s inauguration.One of the more amusing takeaways from the Redknapp hearings was his deposit of £295,000 in a Monaco bank account in the name of his dog. I’m sure there’s no truth in the rumour that is was christened ‘Wonga Woof Woof‘ by the City of London Police dog handlers.

Lord Taylor’s recommendations put paid to any ambitions that Harry Redknapp may have had of securing the top job in English football. Even though he was acquitted, the sleeping dog account was indicative of sleaze. Allardyce, who was even more bent than Redknapp, avoided censure. Allardyce was a ticking time-bomb of sleaze who exploded after only one game in charge of the England team. This is the most embarrassing incident in the FA’s history. Did no-one pause to consider Allardyce’s Swiss bank accounts?

Chapeau to the FA for dismissing Allardyce. He is a venal self-serving man who insists that players in his charge sign up with his agent so that he can get kick backs on any transfer activity. He formerly engaged in this illegal artifice with his son until Lord Taylor exposed him in his report. Did no-one at the FA consult this report by way of a background check on Allardyce? It was readily available in the FA archive. Allardyce is the first head to roll on this debacle, but he won’t be the last. Will Mayday Allardyce continue to be the go-to-guy for teams threatened with relegation? Has his seven-figure bonuses been paid directly to a numbered Swiss bank account?

Allardyce’s sacking is just the tip of an iceberg which we are led to believe is a pile of slush funds. Even though he was picking up a cool £3m per annum and had an expense account to outshine the GDP of a Banana Republic, Allardyce reverted to type to secure £150,000 per five-star gig in Singapore and Hong Kong where he would advise well-heeled Asians on how to circumvent the FA’s rules on the ownership of players’ economic rights. Pause to think about this a little longer than Allardyce did. Can anyone envisage Allardyce turning up at as a Keynote Speaker at the Marina Bay Sands Casino Resort in Singapore to advise the delegates of Asian billionaire’s of a ‘nice little earner’ in England which drives a coach and horses through the FA’s 2008 regulations? Allardyce was even prepared to share cocktails at the bar with delegates. How magnanimous of him. Would he have regaled his guests with politically incorrect anecdotes about his predecessor ‘Woy’ Hodgeson. Would he have made fun of a man’s speech impediment? Is this conduct becoming of an England Manager? Allardyce will not be riding his coach and horses through FA regulations. He will be riding a black liveried hearse.

The revelations of the Daily Telegraph team, captured on tape, are a damning indictment of corruption in the most lucrative league in World football. Manchester United have just released their accounts which revealed that their turnover was £500m in their last financial year. They pay their captain, Wayne Rooney, £17m per annum in a five-year deal that will earn him £85m. When one adds his boot deals, endorsements and his share/compensation for image rights, no-one would be surprised if he netted £150m. Is this why Allardyce was so keen to bite the hands off sting operators? Was he envious of his captain’s earnings in his one game in charge?

It is now evident that the FA’s Quest team failed to root out all the corruption in English football. There are calls in the English press to set up a Quest II investigation. The Telegraph team can give them some pointers on where to initiate inquiries, including:

  1. A £5,000 cash payment made to the assistant manager of a leading club by an undercover reporter.
  2. Scott McGarvey, a former Manchester United player turned agent, providing the names of four managers who were willing to take “bungs.”
  3.  The allegation by  Pino Pagliara, an unlicenced Italian agent who was banned from football for five years for match-fixing in 2005, that there are more backhanders in the English game than at Wimbledon.
  4. The allegation that eight current or recent Premier League managers were corruptible.
  5. The claims that two English Championship club managers have been open to illicit payments.

Given that the Telegraph have passed their file to the police, we should anticipate a slew of dawn raids by the Flying Squad (SDC7) of the Metropolitan Police prior to any intervention by the FA. The ‘bunga bunga‘ Managers may soon be cursing the  modern day Sweeney and not the legend of the former demon of Fleet Street.

One of the more colourful characters in the unfolding Telegraph narrative is Pino Pagliara:

 

Pino Pagliara

Signore Pagliara has revealed that the San Carlo restaurant in Manchester is the unofficial ‘bunga bunga bourse of backhanders.’ Pagliara revealed that a well-known manager would solicit a bung by inquiring whether he would receive a little coffee if a transfer deal went through. Mr Pagliara and two other agents independently named the same eight current or recent Premier League managers who they alleged were known for taking “bungs”, including five they claimed that they had personally paid off.

One snippet of a conversation between Pagliara and a well-known manager is instructive: “How much, Pino? And will it be the same Swiss bank account?”  Some of Mr Pagliara’s customers are not as sophisticated as this as yet undisclosed manager (Allardyce?) and prefer paper bags of cash. He further revealed that a former player that was recently elevated to manager prefers a larger slice of the slush pie as his earnings are comparatively low to that of his peers. Mr Pagliara would have us believe that he is providing a vital service in keeping belly from backbone in the cradles of football management.

Signore Pagliara also claimed that one of his customers, a well-know manager, is ‘very bent.’ and he further explained that he had opened Swiss bank accounts on his behalf.  In the sordid inverted world of under the counter payments this is probably tantamount to Praise from Caesar.

However Pagliara’s most explosive claim is that this manager fixed a match. Once one takes the bent coin it’s a slippery slope to match fixing.

My personal favourite of the Pagliara allegations is the one where three players are given an £8,000 increase on their monthly salaries on the condition that they kick back £4,000 of it to the manager. A sweetheart deal of £12,000 per month ‘netto’ of any pesky tax responsibilities.

Now that the ink has dried on a £7.2 Billion TV rights deal there’s so much money trickling down to individuals like Pagliara that he’s as happy as a sand boy. He and his stable  of bent managers have never had it so good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Asthmatic Gold Standard

There are a number of topics to choose from this week. The Celtic supporters in our midst may be heartened to note that I will write a precursor to the game with Manchester City. I was intending to write this today but it will take several hours to do it justice and I may not have the time. In the past I’ve made a rod for my own back by publishing more than one article at a time which resulted in several comment threads. On one occasion I published four pieces. However this was at the beginning of my one year sojourn into a number of topics which included the murky Hades that is Scottish football. At that time my articles did not elicit many comments. I have just approved my 19,000th comment, and as regular readers will know comment threads often run to three figures, with one of which featuring 144 comments. Attempting to moderate north of 250 comments per day is an arduous task.

Prior to writing this article, it’s worth noting that the initial voting for the UK Football Blogging Awards ended yesterday. This site, which only garnered the votes of 20-50 generous individuals from a regular weekday readership of 15,000 – 20,000, (with one day featuring 42,000 hits) has been undermined by the fact that I encouraged votes for the John James Site, which is my unique WordPress site (http://www.johnjamessite.com) and not @Sitonfence which is my Twitter site. Some individuals, following my lead, voted for @JohnJames which is not my Twitter site. Twitter is a platform to promote my articles. Should I decide to publish more than one photograph, it gets confused and defaults to a grid box. I can override this by attaching a photograph, but the Twitter format is so large that it dominates the page. As a consequence of this I have withdrawn the previous four articles from Twitter. I have no desire to have a site dominated by a photoshopped  DJ dressed as a cheerleader, nor a running WC. Lavatory humour is not my natural metier, but the Aberdeen fanzine cover, and my DEFCON/DEFPAN interplay, was an opportunity that I could not resist. As this site tends to delve deep into topics, it’s important to add some levity by way of balance.The dear JJ articles are just as scathing as others, but are wrapped in Lady Bear’s Chanel-scented Mousquetaires silk evening gloves that she wears to the Opera and Ambassadorial receptions.

However even if my entire 4,170 followers on Twitter had voted for me, I would not make the shortlist. Some of my more enterprising followers attached my Twitter handle to the FBA handle to register their votes. This resulted in the FBA following my Twitter site. As a rule of thumb I don’t follow any sites as I tend to read only four on a regular basis with links from my direct message Twitter portal. I communicate with other sites offline. I made an exception to the rule with the FBA, but I was forced to reconsider as their retweets of other sites overwhelmed my page. There is a blog on Manchester United which is run by five individuals, which gives one an idea of how busy they are. Man Utd have 300m followers worldwide, so it’s safe to assume that their blogs far exceed my 20,000 readership, and my 50 votes. I guess I should console myself with the thought of better luck next time but I’m realistic to note that tribal loyalties to the Phil Mac/The Clumpany axis will always be prevalent. The objective eye that I have is not shared by many. There is also the distinct possibility that I will pack up my tent in a matter of days. Another year might bring more readers, but no more thanks.

This site has often highlighted the activity of the Bank of Rangers carpetbagger ‘Sir’ David Murray who used Rangers/ EBT to enrich himself and then threw away Rangers like a broken toy. On this occasion I intend to discuss another knight of the realm, the drug cheat that is ‘Sir’ Bradley Wiggins.

As a democrat I recognize the important role played by whistle-blowers. I worship at the altars of Julian Assange and Edward Snowden. The former deserves a 2,000 word article of his own. Who could forget the Wikileaks footage of an American helicopter gunship ‘lighting up’ some Reuters correspondents as they ran for the cover of a black van. They were assassinated by a redneck computer gamer. If it were not for Assange, this would have been classified as ‘friendly fire.’

The Wikileaks data base is hosted in Sweden. During a visit to Sweden Assange slept with two Swedish girls. He did not rape either of these adult women, but a CIA officer, and a prosecutor trying to gain a name for herself,  are insisting that he travels to Sweden to face questions. He has offered a video-link interview and a face-to-face in the Ecuador embassy where he has been granted asylum since August 2012, but the prosecutor is not interested. The charges have been trumped-up to use Sweden as a conduit for Assange’s extradition to America. If extradited Assange would be tried and convicted in a kangaroo court and killed by lethal injection for revealing some uncomfortable truths about American foreign policy and its powerful multi-billion dollar military lobby group of  Republican Senators, whom have long since been bought and paid for. The British Government have spent north of £10m to ring-fence the embassy with a 24/7 police detail. This is considered to be money well spent to maintain our special relationship with the CIA. This is what passes for democracy in 2016.

We would not have heard of Bradley Wiggins cheating if it had not been for The Fancy Bears Hack TeamRegular readers of my articles should note that in this instance I’m not referring to the crack team of minimalist lavatory redesigners in the Rangers support. These blue bears have flights of fancy about continuation and £30m of investment, but any link is inordinately tenuous.

However this team is not a standard-bearer for democracy. It is a state-sponsored response from the Kremlin to divert the debate away from Russian state doping and on to the therapeutic use exemptions (TUE). They hacked into the computer records of the World Anti-Doping Agency.

In his memoirs My Time, published in 2012, which was written by a ghost writer, Wiggins asserts:

“I’ve never had an injection, apart from (when) I’ve had my vaccinations, and on occasion I’ve been put on a drip, when I’ve come down with diarrhoea or something and have been severely dehydrated.” 

Mr Wiggins evidently forgot to mention the 40mg intramuscular injections of corticosteroid in June 2011, June 2012 and April 2013 – days before the 2011 and 2012 Tours de France, and the 2013 Giro d’Italia. In 2012, Wiggins became the first British winner of the Tour.

Wiggins would like us to believe that he is an asthmatic. He defends his use of a powerful performance-enhancing steroid as ‘putting himself on a level playing field with non asthmatics. Have a look at the following photograph of Wiggins on the Andrew Marr Show. As an ‘asthmatic’ would he not ask for the freshly cut flowers to be removed. He seems unduly comfortable with their pollen producing  properties.

 

Image result for images of bradley wiggins on andrew marr show
“Is the fragrance of the flowers masking the stink of horse shit?”

 

 

Wiggins is a multi-million dollar one-man brand so I can understand why his manager and PR agent would want to get him in front of the issue. If Wiggins had ridden into the studio on a Camarillo White Horse with a standard proclaiming ‘Just Say No‘ my reaction would be to look to the studio floor for the presence of horse shit. It stinks to high heaven.

Tom Dumoulin, the Olympic time trial silver medallist, has become the first high-profile rider to openly question Sir Bradley Wiggins’s therapeutic use exemptions for the powerful corticosteroid triamcinolone prior to three of the biggest races in his career, saying of the matter that “it stinks”.

Is it not surprising to note that Wiggins and Chris Froome, Britain’s two greatest road cyclists, are registered as asthmatics on their medical records. Should Wiggins retain his medals, will the peloton of future Tours exclusively feature ashmatic riders?

Former dopers such as Jorg Jacksche and David Millar used triamcinolone and testified last week to its performance-enhancing effects. The presence in Wiggins’ team of the now-banned Belgian doctor Geert Leinders and the fact that Wiggins only appeared to need this drug in 2011, 2012 and 2013 rather than for any other race in his career, are not unrelated. As soon as the benefits of steroid abuse and the TUE caveat were spelled out to Wiggins, Leinders was on hand to provide him with a medical diagnosis of asthma and the intramuscular injections prior to grands tours.

The last word on this sordid affair is reserved for Tom Dumoulin who wrote:
“This is not something they do with normal asthmatics, let alone athletes who only have exercise-induced asthma. Apparently Wiggins’s injection also worked for weeks – then in my opinion you should be out of competition for weeks. That thing stinks.”

This is an omnishables for British cycling who had their most successful Olympics performance of all time at the Rio games. Would it be indelicate to ask how many of the 490 WADA registered  athletes who use intramuscular steroids are in the British team?

Bradley Wiggins has created a hitherto unknown personal ailment to benefit from the injections of steroids prior to racing. He should be stripped of all his gold medals and title in no uncertain terms.

 

The End of The End of The Pier Show

The Rangers apologists in the SMSM will be the last to acknowledge that there has been a seismic shift in Scottish football. Rangers have now played the Champions and runners-up and have been found wanting in both. No points, with seven goals conceded, and only one goal scored in open play, is not the form of champions-elect. Warburton was all at sea yesterday. He was quick to berate the officials for awarding a soft free kick, but not willing to comment on the fact that although Lee Wallace’s shirt was being pulled outside the box he cleverly went down inside. A free kick should have been awarded. If both incidents had been called correctly Aberdeen would still have prevailed.

Neil Doncaster, who heads the queue of obsequious Rangers apologists, will be concerned that his Punch & Judy end of the pier show is at an end. Punch was found to be using an EBT loaded cosh and was reported to Social Services by Judy. The latter, a.k.a. the SFA, turned a blind eye to her malaise and asserted that she had been imperfectly but legitimately battered. The fact that Punch also stole Judy’s purse from 1998-2011 has been largely ignored. The old Punch was eventually sent down for his crimes and in 2012 a new Punch facsimile emerged.

Prior to the beginning of the season I predicted that Rangers would vie with ICT for 6th place. I did not foresee them winning only two of their seven games. If Celtic convincingly win the Bet Fred Semi in October, the wise man from the South East will not feature in the Rangers nativity play. Warburton-at-sea is out of his depth.There were those in the board who wanted his head after the Scottish Cup final. It’s just a matter of time before he is told to pack up his magic hat and revert to the EFL to learn his trade. He won’t be allowed to see out his apprenticeship at Auchenhowie.

Managers rise and fall on their transfer business. As the ST receipts seem to have been ring-fenced to pay off King’s £5m Chinese Laundry Scam and the relocation to Hampden, Warburton was banking on Waghorn’s departure to pay for Garner. The latter has dispensed with his tea cosy but is one bag short of a brew. Over-the-Hill and Miller are in urgent need of a tandem mobility scooter to get them through ninety minutes. Yo Yo Ma could not get a tune out of Kranjcar, as Rossiter’s muscle-wasting condition seems to continue unabated. Liverpool were probably relieved to remove Rossiter from their insurance policy as he would have put paid to their no-claims discount. Miller, taking a leaf out of Barton’s book, is now boxing in restaurants. His defence counsel will claim that he was merely participating in an homage to Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring. His female victim who lost her earring in the unseemly scuffle will beg to differ.

Warburton-at-sea reminds me of the Roman slaves who were sent to warm up the toilet seats for their masters. He is keeping the seat warm for Davie Weir. This juncture is as good a time as any to introduce a new feature to this site, namely Toilet Watch. I will consider the threat in five categories:

  1. DEFPAN 5 : The lowest state of readiness. Poor urinal use and normal splashback.
  2. DEFPAN 4 : Double Take. Increased intelligence watch on floor and ceiling tiles.
  3. DEFPAN 3 : Round House. Incoming ‘Floaters’ Alert.
  4. DEFPAN 2 : Fast Pace. Cubicle Integrity Alert.
  5. DEFPAN 1 : Cocked Pistol. The urinals are air born.

 

 

In Dundee, the crack Bauhaus minimalist school of lavatory redesign was at DEFPAN 5, with some brown brogue spillage recorded. At Pittodrie, it was DEFPAN 4, which included a roof and floor tile frisbee alert . At Celtic Park it was DEFPAN 1. Urinals were air born and some were so distressed that they took flight:

 

The DEFPAN threat at Celtic Park was so intense that two dolls were seen to be hanging on in quiet desperation.

To coin a phrase that was introduced to the football lexicon by a former Aberdeen manager, it was squeaky bum time at Pittodrie yesterday. A 90th minute winner from a sublime free kick was not well received by Warburton-at-sea who was convinced that it was a 3-1 game for his threadbare squad of Geriatricos and Bothwell cage fighters. If Warburton was less than dignified, spare a thought for the sanitary ware at The Beach End. One concerned WC Field Unit was seen legging it as the game entered added time.

It’s important to stress that Joey Barton was 600 miles from Pittodrie and cannot be blamed for any Pissoir Pugilism. The board’s best efforts to dispose of Barton is now seen as a flash in the pan. As King and Potless Paul are far from flush at present, paying the squad’s monthly salaries is driving them round the U-bend. The fact that they have only had to pay two win bonuses from the initial seven games is a minor blessing, as it was number 2 on their list of concerns.

The late goal by Aberdeen was otherwise as welcome as a ‘floater’ in the swimming pool. On the four-hour return journey to Glasgow, including a comfort break, the Rangers supporters were beginning to realize that Chairman Charlotte had sold them an Andrex puppy. The pervading mood was of a sinking feeling as their team plunged below the top six waterline.

The Aberdeen team seemed tired and listless in the first half.Rumours that they were engaging in etching and potato-printing on the Rangers coach livery in the early hours are probably wide of the mark.

Warburton-at-sea, who puts the clueless in country, is now under pressure as another humiliating reverse could be his Water-loo.

As Warburton looks back on the Lescott debacle, he will rue the fact that the board did not have a pot to piss in.

 

 

The Big-Time Continuation Charlies

I am in two minds whether to retain or trash the previous article. It was only read by 6,624 individuals, which is inordinately low for this site. If it had not been for 33 comments, my decision to remove it would have been somewhat easier. A strong case for trashing the article has been made by those who choose to support their site by making donations. As they withdrew their support, should I follow suit by withdrawing the article?  If I’m quick to criticize what masquerades as journalism in the SMSM, should I not apply the same standards to my own output when my ‘sales‘ have reached an all time low and my ‘sponsors‘ have decided that this article should wither on the vine?

At the end of every week I review my statistics. In the period from 19 September until today, this site received 139,792 views. In the previous week the figures were significantly superior with 169,702 views. This drop of 29,910 readers has been reflected in a significantly downward trend in donations. If the latter was my only benchmark, I would fold the site and not just retire one article.

Having reviewed this article I have come to the conclusion that it’s a little mean-spirited. Derek Johnstone is a buffoon but he appeals to the simple-minded Bears who call in to Radio Clyde to hear his: Rangers then, Rangers now, Rangers forever narrative. This modern-day myth is a comfort blanket for the majority of the Clyde demographic, which indubitably helps them rest easier in their beds. The activity of Lord Hodge who put the corporate body and club that was Rangers into liquidation, is dismissed as the folding of a hitherto unknown holding company. Rangers, to many of DJ’s listeners, is eternal. They cling to this belief as vehemently as Roman Catholics believe in Papal infallibility (on matters that are ex cathedra, i.e. dogma). Derek Johnstone is the high priest of the great liquidation lie in which Rangers disposed of their debts and tax responsibilities but curiously retained their historical titles. When the CVA was dismissed by the creditors, bringing the corporate curtain down, Rangers, the son of God, rose from the dead but demurred from taking it’s spiritual place at the right hand of the father. It chose to grub around on Edmiston drive with occasional forays to its own Mount Calvary, which has been renamed  just as Rangers were prior to liquidation, to Mount Florida. This is the gospel according to Derek Johnstone.

Should I choose to respond to the overwhelming empirical data by burning the vanity that was my previous article, I will run in to the burning edifice of failed copy to retrieve the following comment by Don Gordon:

“The only thing that’s astonishing here is that Derek Johnstone is even mentioned in the same breath as ‘journalism’, far less have it described as his profession. For the truth is, he’s as much of a journalist as he was a footballer, i.e., he’s not very good at either, but he knows an easy ball when he sees one. The only reason the Rangers fans took to him is because he’s always been seen as a ‘Real Rangers Man’, except, as someone pointed out earlier, he was raised a Dundee Utd supporter. But he remains in the news because he personifies the oldco’s (simple) mindset. He never was any more than a totem to their collective gullibility and only ever had the wit to be a half decent poacher, at best. Maybe this is why his equally biased, but slightly more ‘journalistic’ colleagues, let him take Sutton’s roasting for so long. They’re probably as sick to the back teeth of his stating the blindingly bleeding obvious as all the rest of us.”

If Don Gordon, which is a pseudonym, had made a donation to this site I could have made a more educated guess that he was an Aberdeen FC supporter. But why should he be the exception to the pervading rule?  In defence of my poorly read and supported article, I could point out that I attempted to broaden its scope to highlight the Press Charity Lunch and the current rather poor crop of young journalists. But as the main thrust of the article is inferior to the comment by Mr Gordon, I will save his comment for posterity and put my article into room 101. I have also deleted the Twitter link to this article. If I continue to write poorly supported copy this site will be retired in one week.

A mere two thousand Rangers supporters are travelling north to Pittodrie as I write. I have only been to this ground on one occasion some time ago. I don’t recall the game but I have a vivid memory of being inordinately cold in what was paradoxically called The Beach End. The beaches I prefer have temperatures expressed in two digits. I guess I would probably be regarded as a soft Lowlander, even though I have run marathons in similarly cold conditions and at one time trained for The Mount Everest Marathon. If I had been allowed to run around the track I might have had a much more memorable experience.

One of the finest midfield players I have ever seen, Ian Durrant, had his promising career cut short by the 17th worst tackle ever in the opinion of the influential football blog, 90MiN :  www.90min.com/posts/133254-the-worst-20-tackles-ever

“Neil Simpson – Aberdeen V Rangers, October 1988
The tackle that incited the rivalry between Aberdeen and Rangers that still boils to this day. The tackle is quite literally horrific. High, studs-up, premeditated, leaving Rangers player Ian Durrant unable to play for the next three years. Yet the tackle transcended boundaries between pitch and stand. It survived generations and is still an area of severe unrest between the fans of the rival teams 28 years on.

Durrant eventually sued Simpson for damages in relation to the incident. Simpson, in the face of much hostility settled with Durrant out of court and the man few had known about resumed his unspectacular career. The world was different though and the name of Neil Simpson will not be forgotten in Glasgow and beyond, for a moment of madness that he has lived to regret.”

I chose a social media report as invitations had already been extended to a dinner date that resulted in the advent of succulent lamb journalism.  Jim Traynor, whose career as ‘churnalist’ is on a par with that of Derek Johnstone, went so over the ball in his praise of all things Rangers that he would have pride of place in my top twenty of the worst reportage that I have ever witnessed. Traynor’ protegé, Keith Jackass, heads this list with his copy & paste of PR in regard to Craig Whyte.

However this incident only explains the enmity of the Rangers support. Why do the Aberdeen FC support despise Rangers? To my mind this is partially due to these fine football supporters having more spine than their self-serving chairman. David Murray was allowed to cheat and run roughshod over the aspirations and dreams of the Aberdeen support. They are not minded to forgive the manner in which Rangers achieved their ill-gotten gains. They have the good Highlands common sense to recognize that the Lowlanders in Glasgow are trying to pull some blue wool over their eyes. They have a proud history of being wary of snake-oil salesmen from the South and are not swallowing The Great Liquidation Lie Moonshine. They realize that the complicit SFA will never address the cheating of Rangers and they have seen through the LNS commission recommendations as the whitewash that they clearly were.

Aberdonians don’t suffer fools gladly. To their minds Rangers did the crime and now must do their time as a new club with no claim on the historical titles of the old club. With no claim on the historical titles, Aberdeen are only second to Celtic in terms of achievement. They are Scotland’s second club with a proud history of a UEFA Cup Winners Trophy from 1983 and a UEFA Supercup Trophy from 1984. The renascent Rangers are met with the suspicion shown by Highlanders to The Jacobites.

The majority of the Aberdeen support are giving the big-time continuation Charlies from Glasgow the same short shrift that was reserved for the eponymous Bonnie Prince Charlie. To their mind the renascent Rangers are a Young Pretender.

I’m indebted to the minority of readers who have chosen to support their site with donations, but should I continue when the overwhelming majority expect my thousands of dedicated hours for free? The UK Football Blogging Awards could present the perfect send-off for this site. Those wishing to vote may do so by following  the enclosed links:

http://www.footballbloggingawards.co.uk/about/vote-now-football-blogging-awards/

Those on Twitter can revert to:

https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=I%20am%20voting%20in%20%40TheFBAs%20for%20%40JohnJames%20as%20the%20Best%20%23New%20Football%20Blog&source=clicktotweet&related=clicktotweet

and:

https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=I%20am%20voting%20in%20%40TheFBAs%20for%20%40JohnJames%20as%20the%20Best%20%23Social%20Football%20Account&source=clicktotweet&related=clicktotweet

 

 

I apologize to readers that I don’t have the hypertext links that can be found on the excellent The Clumpany site. With only 6,426 readers and a dearth of donors I am under no illusions that this site will be nominated. CFC supporters have made their support of the Phil Macgiollabhain/The Clumpany axis well-known. Despite my best efforts this site will always be in their shadow. Only 6,426 readers will care, and only a minority of them will vote. In so many ways, this sums up this site.

My 25 Years of Rangers Cheerleading – with a foreword by Chris Sutton

I was planning to write an article on the Hilton Ballroom Beano a.k.a. The West of Scotland Charity Press Lunch, but it was a rather lacklustre and somewhat anodyne affair. Those hoping to see Janette Tough in the guise of Wee Jimmy Crankie were palpably disappointed when Nicola Sturgeon stepped up to the lectern. Her speech had the impact of a coma-inducing Tweet by Darren BS Cooney who can comfortably be summed up using less than 140 characters. Laughs were as rare as facts in a Keith Jackass exclusive.

One must commend Kenny Miller for bouncing back from, as Jackass would have us believe, being assaulted by the Hibs supporters, to raise merry hell in a Bothwell Italian Restaurant. If Keith Jackass had been tasked with writing a join-the-dots article on this Bothwell Brouhaha, Kenny would have been sympathetically cast as  a Venetian gondolier, singing O Sole Mio in a bucolic Bothwell lake, when he was unsuspectingly sabotaged by a lurking Hibs U-boat in a savage and totally unprovoked attack.

It only took fourteen days for the Bothwell Brouhaha to break. If Leigh Griffiths had engaged in a rousing ‘knees up mother Brown‘ after the Scottish Cup Final, Jackass would have been on it like a virus. As Jackass took pride of place in a table of ten from The Daily Record at the luncheon, at a cost to their recidivist readers of £600, he was blissfully unaware (as always) that the backdrop to Nicola’s speech was from a company called Viridor which specialises in Transforming Waste. When one thinks of Jackass’ copy, would it be apposite to suggest that The Daily Record’s Editor Murray Foote hires someone from Viridor as a sub-editor to transform the garbage written by his hapless hack?

The Jim Rogers Memorial award, and a banker’s draft for £1,000, went to an aspiring hack at the Scottish Sun. There were eight entries for this award, all of which were described by a seasoned attendee as Warburton-on-sea woeful. Chris Jack was mentioned in dispatches for a loving portrayal of his media mentor in his article: ” Derek Johnstone-Why are you so Good.”  It would be inaccurate to suggest that Chris left empty-handed as he was later seen shaving with a rough towel that revealingly bore the Hilton crest.

Derek Johnstone has been flogging the dead horse of his Rangers credentials for twenty-five years. His output has been so bland and paradigm-shifting biased that he has been awarded his own category on The Glasgow Coma Scale – DJ Catatonia – which has been described as being so deficient of neural activity that an original thought is as likely as Darren Cooney’s/Keith Jackass’ three-legged race to the bottom of the journalistic barrel actually winning a Pulitzer Prize. On coming across the following photograph of DJ in his Rangers cheerleading pomp, Jackass, who was on a plagiarizing reconnaissance mission, asserted: ‘Nice Tits though.’ One was not expecting Kant’s Critique of Practical Reason from the bumped-up bagel boy, but is this the best he can do in praise of the leader of his cheerleading troupe?

 

 

 

Chris Sutton was a guest on Radio Snide yesterday evening. It took Sutton less than eight minutes to forensically deconstruct DJ. Some have suggested that Sutton tore him a new asshole  but this broad brush would be unkind to all asses. DJ is suffering from a peculiar malaise where his alimentary canal works in reverse. To put it in a more crude vernacular,  his faeces is redirected to his mouth.

Was Sutton aware of DJ’s unfortunate anatomical anomaly when he repeatedly described him as a media charlatan and a Rangers puppet?  Was Sutton not sympathetic on how difficult it is for DJ to don his 25 years old cheerleading outfit? I’ve heard it said that it took one year’s supply of Atlantic Shelf  herring bone to construct a corset to support DJ’s expanding girth. I’m the first to admit that the provenance of this information is less than sound as it came from Mangetout Traynor at The Ministry of Pishery. DJ’s addled ramblings in The Evening Times are redolent of someone suffering gout and irritable bowel syndrome in equal measure.

As Sutton accurately stated, DJ is:

“A party political broadcast for Rangers.”

Derek has grown fond of the two seats that he occupies in the Rangers directors box and he is not prepared to give them up. He has liked the cut of the jib of every carpetbagger and criminal that has been dragged into the Blue Room by the Ibrox house cat, ‘Souper-Ally.’ Since Derek and the house cat are both fond of a bowl of frothing blue broth, is it any surprise when the mewsings of both are practically indistinguishable?

Is it not high-time someone turned up DJ’s hearing aid to whisper: “You’re out of the loop Derek!”