My 25 Years of Rangers Cheerleading – with a foreword by Chris Sutton

I was planning to write an article on the Hilton Ballroom Beano a.k.a. The West of Scotland Charity Press Lunch, but it was a rather lacklustre and somewhat anodyne affair. Those hoping to see Janette Tough in the guise of Wee Jimmy Crankie were palpably disappointed when Nicola Sturgeon stepped up to the lectern. Her speech had the impact of a coma-inducing Tweet by Darren BS Cooney who can comfortably be summed up using less than 140 characters. Laughs were as rare as facts in a Keith Jackass exclusive.

One must commend Kenny Miller for bouncing back from, as Jackass would have us believe, being assaulted by the Hibs supporters, to raise merry hell in a Bothwell Italian Restaurant. If Keith Jackass had been tasked with writing a join-the-dots article on this Bothwell Brouhaha, Kenny would have been sympathetically cast as  a Venetian gondolier, singing O Sole Mio in a bucolic Bothwell lake, when he was unsuspectingly sabotaged by a lurking Hibs U-boat in a savage and totally unprovoked attack.

It only took fourteen days for the Bothwell Brouhaha to break. If Leigh Griffiths had engaged in a rousing ‘knees up mother Brown‘ after the Scottish Cup Final, Jackass would have been on it like a virus. As Jackass took pride of place in a table of ten from The Daily Record at the luncheon, at a cost to their recidivist readers of £600, he was blissfully unaware (as always) that the backdrop to Nicola’s speech was from a company called Viridor which specialises in Transforming Waste. When one thinks of Jackass’ copy, would it be apposite to suggest that The Daily Record’s Editor Murray Foote hires someone from Viridor as a sub-editor to transform the garbage written by his hapless hack?

The Jim Rogers Memorial award, and a banker’s draft for £1,000, went to an aspiring hack at the Scottish Sun. There were eight entries for this award, all of which were described by a seasoned attendee as Warburton-on-sea woeful. Chris Jack was mentioned in dispatches for a loving portrayal of his media mentor in his article: ” Derek Johnstone-Why are you so Good.”  It would be inaccurate to suggest that Chris left empty-handed as he was later seen shaving with a rough towel that revealingly bore the Hilton crest.

Derek Johnstone has been flogging the dead horse of his Rangers credentials for twenty-five years. His output has been so bland and paradigm-shifting biased that he has been awarded his own category on The Glasgow Coma Scale – DJ Catatonia – which has been described as being so deficient of neural activity that an original thought is as likely as Darren Cooney’s/Keith Jackass’ three-legged race to the bottom of the journalistic barrel actually winning a Pulitzer Prize. On coming across the following photograph of DJ in his Rangers cheerleading pomp, Jackass, who was on a plagiarizing reconnaissance mission, asserted: ‘Nice Tits though.’ One was not expecting Kant’s Critique of Practical Reason from the bumped-up bagel boy, but is this the best he can do in praise of the leader of his cheerleading troupe?

 

 

 

Chris Sutton was a guest on Radio Snide yesterday evening. It took Sutton less than eight minutes to forensically deconstruct DJ. Some have suggested that Sutton tore him a new asshole  but this broad brush would be unkind to all asses. DJ is suffering from a peculiar malaise where his alimentary canal works in reverse. To put it in a more crude vernacular,  his faeces is redirected to his mouth.

Was Sutton aware of DJ’s unfortunate anatomical anomaly when he repeatedly described him as a media charlatan and a Rangers puppet?  Was Sutton not sympathetic on how difficult it is for DJ to don his 25 years old cheerleading outfit? I’ve heard it said that it took one year’s supply of Atlantic Shelf  herring bone to construct a corset to support DJ’s expanding girth. I’m the first to admit that the provenance of this information is less than sound as it came from Mangetout Traynor at The Ministry of Pishery. DJ’s addled ramblings in The Evening Times are redolent of someone suffering gout and irritable bowel syndrome in equal measure.

As Sutton accurately stated, DJ is:

“A party political broadcast for Rangers.”

Derek has grown fond of the two seats that he occupies in the Rangers directors box and he is not prepared to give them up. He has liked the cut of the jib of every carpetbagger and criminal that has been dragged into the Blue Room by the Ibrox house cat, ‘Souper-Ally.’ Since Derek and the house cat are both fond of a bowl of frothing blue broth, is it any surprise when the mewsings of both are practically indistinguishable?

Is it not high-time someone turned up DJ’s hearing aid to whisper: “You’re out of the loop Derek!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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49 thoughts on “My 25 Years of Rangers Cheerleading – with a foreword by Chris Sutton”

  1. Yes Chris Sutton has been controversial in his comments
    Involving Mark Warburton ,but what most of what he said he s true if you look at his recent results .
    Sadly DJ and MW are happy to speak regards others and their teams .
    MW sadly has been drawn into the siege mentality and denial that has inflicted RIFC since 2012.
    Just like their media poodles they deem anyone who speaks out regards liquidation etc a hater .
    Hate is a strong word and plays into the hands of the mob who seem to rule all things RIFC at the moment .
    Why can’t they accept what happened back in 2011 2012 was self inflicted and not some great conspiracy against their football club .
    Maybe they should start by asking serious questions about a previous incumbent and a knight of the realm
    Instead of calling people haters.
    As for DJ he is a harmless buffoon full of his self importance.
    Just try speaking to him on radio about the demise of rangers in 2012 the shutters come down and he starts his PR rhetoric.

  2. Brilliant. Reverse alimentary canal. Despite universal comment that he was humiliated. In DJ’s head he will think of his performance as up there with Martin Luther King.

  3. Never heard it on Snyde, but heard it online after. Comedy gold. A breath of fresh air to hear a commentator speak the truth. It’s usually only internet bampots like yourself and a few others to tell it like it is. Keep up the good work.

  4. Edinburgh No1 – “As for DJ he is a harmless buffoon full of his self importance.”

    Last year i heard on the radio – and I paraphrase from memory, so forgive me if not completely accurate:

    “all the clubs that tried to do us in, that tried to do Rangers in.”

    Keevns and Guidi attempted to say come on, behave yourself and left it at that.

    Sadly this Premise was and is still being pushed by the media. It enforces the victim mentality amongst the hard of thinking Rangers support, fueling anger and as displayed at the cup final – violence.

    He is a buffoon alright, however if left unchallenged, his sychophantic ramblings are as risible as they are dangerous.

  5. Sutton was spot on. Doesn’t matter if you like him or not, that is not the point, he told the truth regarding his “JIBness”. A couple of thing surprised me about Sutton’s broadside, firstly, Jerry and Shug sat in silence and said nothing ( normally they would leap to the defense of their JIBness, but not a word) maybe they enjoyed it s much as the rest of us!

    Secondly, the Stenohacks are all running with the caption headline containing the word ” Astonishing” when describing Sutton’s attack. Must be me or is it just in Scotland that the truth can only be seen as “astonishing”.

    Well that’s another “hater” added to the list (and no doubt another broadcaster banned from Govan). I hope Sutton has asked for a review of his security arrangements. He’s gonna need it.

    1. Totally agreed, the only thing that’s astonishing here is that Derek Johnstone is even mentioned in the same breath as ‘journalism’, far less have it described as his profession.

      For the truth is, he’s as much of a journalist as he was a footballer,
      i.e., he’s not very good at either, but he knows an easy ball when he sees one.

      The only reason the Rangers fans took to him is because he’s always been seen as a ‘Real Rangers Man’, except, as someone pointed out earlier, he was raised a Dundee Utd supporter …

      But he remains in the news because he personifies the oldco’s (simple) mindset.

      He never was any more than a totem to their collective gullibility and only ever had the wit to be a half decent poacher, at best.

      Maybe this is why his equally biased, but slightly more ‘journalistic’ colleagues, let him take Sutton’s roasting for so long:
      They’re probably as sick to the back teeth of his stating the blindingly bleeding obvious as all the rest of us.

    2. I believe they kept quiet to save their own skins, keevins is as bad as bfdj,

      Bfdj was awful, he had no reply no clue and his worst retort was about sutton not being in Scotland so why would sutton care or know, baffling.

      Sutton was cool and calm, at most points he must have been trying not to laugh down the phone at his responses he had him straight away!

      They both played it safe, sutton like alex thomson ( who was superb and is still one of my favourite broadcasts) will never be invited on to the rangers loving radio again.

      Normally the punters get the fader treatment when they are just as correct as sutton!

      1. One of FDJ’s blustering retorts was that, unlike Chris Sutton, he has never had the need for a security detail when attending Ibrox. This yet again demonstrated the stunning lack of self awareness of the RFC mindset, that a visitor requiring to Ibrox requiring security detail to ensure personal safety should be seen as a stain on the visitor and not those who might be responsible for acts of violence. Clearly he believes people who say things he doesn’t like deserve such treatement, or at least bring it on themselves.

        Another irony, was FDJ leaping to the defence of Ronny Deila by condemning Sutton’s “over the top” criticism of the former Celtic manager. He didn’t explain why he waited 12 months to do so, but I guess, along with the rest of the Scottish media, he finds it easy to be a hypocrite when the circumstances are convenient.

  6. An evening to celebrate the continuing sales slump of any other industry is unimaginable. As the steel industry disintegrated I can’t remember reading reports of those charged with keeping the foundries open having a back slapping, black tie event to honour their ineptitude. Equally, as the shipyards declined, did those who oversaw the demise of the industry have award ceromonies to celebrate their feats? Did The National Coal Board have a party for each pit that was mothballed? Was the slow death of the textile industry in The Borders accompanied by an annual shindig with awards handed out to the manager who oversaw the least amount of redundancies? I can’t recall any other industry giving itself a collective pat on the back as they entered their death throes. The image of Comical Ali denying a US presence in Baghdad is unavoidable when I think of a cub hack from The Sun receiving an award for any kind of journalism to a backdrop of plummeting sales figures. The days of a questioning newspaper media in Scotland are nearing its end for the time being, like Rangers, maybe it needs to die before it can be reborn. We just need to make sure that those charged with delivering any form of journalism in the future have more integrity, bottle, guts, spine, bravery and talent than those who presently inform us. Nice tits indeed.

    1. “As the steel industry disintegrated I can’t remember reading reports of those charged with keeping the foundries open having a back slapping, black tie event to honour their ineptitude. Equally, as the shipyards declined, did those who oversaw the demise of the industry have award ceromonies to celebrate their feats? Did The National Coal Board have a party for each pit that was mothballed?”

      No but I bet the Tories had one hell of a jolly!

  7. If it’s the aquatic life in the Ibrox fish tank then there’s tiny fish who also need to feed from the supporter plankton soup.

    DJ has been a bottom feeder for 25 years hoovering up whatever sinks to the bottom. Meanwhile first class shark CCK swims about above in the cash streams biting out the easy prey.

    Spikey puffer fish Jabba is rarely seen. He hides in the eyeball of a stone skull whispering rumours and advising the shark who to eat next.

    I’ve just finished my delicious Lobster Bisque with a dollop of double cream, croutons and infused with French Cognac. I’ve always had a penchant for Lobster, it’s my guilty secret.

    There’s excellent seafood in Aberdeen. Just ask the resident pod of Dolphins at the mouth of the Dee. Kenny Miller, preferring Italian cuisine, should tread carefully. Previous resturant owners in Aberdeen have been Cosa Nostra Mafia DONS..

    1. I know Hong Kong like the inside of my mouth.

      When there I prefer shark fin soup. It’s my guilty secret.

      Hong Kong Chinese crave predators. If you eat predators you gain their power. Personally, I just enjoy the taste and the texture. It’s seafood.

      In business, HK Chinese Billionaires devour white sharks.

      1. So that’s the reason we don’t have any sports journalists ‘worth their salt’ they’ve turned into sheep after 25 years of dining on SDM’s succulent lamb. Should the SPCA be contacted. Will BFDJ be the first to be rescued, because he has been that lost and deluded with ‘everything’ involving TRFC over the last five years, the guy needs ‘serious help’. With the ‘laws of probability’ you’d reckon poor old DJ getting something right some of the time. but alas no, he’s spouted the party line, no matter who was in charge and it’s all documented. Im away to “crawl back under my rock” thanks DJ. Baaah.

      2. I think you’re onto something. .. lools like a new disease has been discovered. Back in the 80’s KJD (mad cow disease) was discovered and it decimated the bovine heards.
        Now we have BFDJ disease which started back in the late 80’s when a certain self appointed shepard infected all the sheep by feeding them contaminated lamb (of the succulent variety) and now their all running around their sports desks mad as norris.
        The only antidote it to ensure you get your sport news from uncontaminated sources.
        You have been warned.

  8. I think that poor DJ has been too close to The Ministry of Truth for too long, he has a double dose of Doublethink. He cannot remember the last time he could remember the true facts regarding The Rangers since 2012.

  9. It is the failure of the msm to tell the truth that allowed those at the top table to pillage the goods. Hugh Adam warned what SDM was about , the truth aboute Whyte was exposed before he got the keys, Green and King were likewise exposed along with their dubious connections and practices. The same club lie was introduced as the fans at Ibrox were rejecting his tribute act and his IPO was set to fail. The millions raised have gone as has Green . The glib and shameless one was ushered in under promises we knew he couldn’t honour and the fans are left holding the clumpany up with their hard earned DD. Johnstone and his lackeys have aided and abetted the theft and they are as much to blame for what happened and what is still to come. Ibrox will be left to rot and the vultures will pick it up for less than the 1.5m Green paid for it. The value as a brown field site is 20m , roughly what King believes he is due from times past.
    Whether there’s talk of relocation to England and untold riches or a new stadium plan at their spiritual Kinning Park I have no doubt King has one eye on the real estate.
    The fans may be gifted his shares once all that remains is an empty shell.
    Good luck exposing CCK and his lackeys JJ , you really are their only hope at the moment. I wish you all the best.

  10. Well that’s the results for this Saturday in the Scottish goldfish bowl.

    Celtic triumph 6-1 over hapless, fouling, Killie. Remain top by five points with a game in hand.

    TRFC drop to seventh, two placings behind Aberdeen. I predict a draw and two points dropped by both clubs tomorrow.

    1. We might be hapless but we scored the goal of the game, an absolute screamer, the big fellah has a habit of doing this, but yes I know, we gave up 6, that’s one more than 5!!
      yours in sport
      Gaun the Killie

  11. So that is Rangers down in the lower half/tier of the league tonight, 7 points off the top. OK, to be fair a win could take them into second place, but the same applies to Aberdeen.
    I have a feeling this precarious yo-yo existence in mid-table is not what the maestros at the helm had in mind as part of their grand “cash out” plan.
    Mind you, I wonder if Warbs had envisaged such a “blue-collar” Brentford-style scuffle for points this season either?

    1. That was as good a display I’ve seen from Celtic in a while and not so much because of any weakness in Kilmarnock, Celtic really played as a team. Looking forward to tomorrows game at Pittodrie should be tight.

  12. I’ve noticed Pippa M’s fiancé has an investment link to a Scots company Being looked into with regards a £90m fraud suspicion.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Matthews_(racing_driver)

    “It was reported in July 2016 that Matthews’ Eden Rock Capital Management fund was a major investor in a collapsed Scots company at the heart of a £90 million fraud investigation.[11]”

    Does anyone know what Scots company this is?

    I also note the following:

    “According to documents lodged with Companies House, James Matthews has been, since 2007, the “solitary managing director of Beaufort Glen Affric Ltd”. The 10,000-acre (4,000 ha) Glen Affric Estate is in the Scottish Highlands”

    I note there’s a “Beaufort Nominees” holding 21% of RIFC PLC. Is there any link?

    http://www.checkcompany.co.uk/company/07220936/BEAUFORT-NOMINEES-LIMITED

    1. James Matthews is the older brother of Spencer Matthews on tv’s Made in Chelsea.

      The only “collapsed” Scottish company involved in a £90m “fraud” I can think of is the Murray Group, if you interpret the guilty verdict of the Inner House CoS as a tax “fraud”. Can anyone think of another company?

      Who were the stiffed shareholders of Murray Group? Did Eden Rock Capital Management fund get burned?

  13. When Neil Lennon was attacked at Tynecastle Hugh Keevins said “It’s a bad day when a Man gets attacked at his work but it’s worse when it’s a Manager like Neil Lennon..Big Bubba Johnstone said and I quote “But Lennon Attacked Him Back Hugh”..I nearly fell of my chair..The whole study went silent..What a clown he is..

  14. Not sticking up for Dj here, but I recall a story when I worked with Celtic when Sutton and Steven Presley were involved in a verbal spat in a game at Tynecastle. Sutton said to elvis that he had spent more on after shave than you (elvis) had earned in your career. Sums up the arrogant tone and person that Sutton is.

    1. Professional footballers wind each other up on the field like this regularly. I recall it reported one of the RFC EBT mercenaries was fond of the same rhetoric.

      It invites a foul and a penalty.

  15. Frankly, the eloquence on display from both media men is embarrassing – one’s just a lot more embarrassing than the other.

    Seems to me that Aberdeen could be the New York of Scotland – the article in the NY Times a couple of weeks ago before the match at Parkhead was factual about the last several years of Rangers (new and old)’s existence. Aberdeen must be just far enough away from the West of Scotland “pravda” esque press to get to shake free from the shackles. That can only be a good thing – the match should be telling, Rangers may get a point or more and “kick start” their season, or the dandy dons will get the 3 points move up in the table and start the ball rolling on MW’s inevitable decline. He appears to be losing his objectiveness with his recent statements about his sadness at the bitterness of the Aberdeen supporters. Mmmm, quite interesting, their (& his) recent team photo in NI could perhaps be the global barometer of bitterness, not to mention the frequent “show” tunes espoused by his club. He does appear to be adopting a bunker mentality that unfortunately does nobody any good and only stokes the anger and false resentment of his own club’s supporters.

    Looking at the fixture list Rangers get 4 home games in October (plus a good chunk of dough from the League Cup semi-final) which may well help with cash flow (which sounds sweaty?) – November however is not so bountiful – 1 home game for the month, that’s not very much money coming in and at least 1M in expenses – if some of the possible cash reserves concerns are true, then December could be a very telling month.

    Time will tell, with Lady Bear’s good fortune maybe the blues will score goal at 11 minutes 59 seconds and her heart will be warmed by the unanimous applause

  16. Derek Johnstone’s buffoonery is not the problem. It is just a symptom. There are a multiplicity of symptoms as exhibited by SFA, Police, media, and referees. The problem is a large bigoted sectarian hate-filled Loyalist mob that seeks by a variety of ways to try to keep control over life in Scotland. They are failing and doomed to fail. DJ trys to perpetuate the survival myth and will not entertain any criticism. It is incumbent on us all to refer to the new club as such. No more sitting at the back of the bus.

  17. DJ. “OK you’ve had your 5 minutes talking nonesense, now it’s my turn”
    In the next 5 minutes DJ exceeded all expectations. Some funny stuff just happens for a reason.

  18. Well done on re-instating this JJ.

    Was the new photo an old selfie you’ve doctored? 🙂

    Please keep up the great work.

    History demonstrates Revolutionaries always disagree, bicker and argue but their joint cause endures. Unlikely bedfellows find purpose together, whilst maintaining opposite views on numerous other convictions.

  19. I understand Sky viewers were treated to very loud sectarian singing today from the away T’Rangers support.

    Sunday afternoon, in their living rooms, in front of the kids.

    Surely technology at Sky can mute this sickness?

  20. Why can’t the SMSM in a departure from good law and order, football rules and reporting integrity just simply report that TRFC beat Aberdeen 3-0, don’t show the highlights on TV, and publish the Scottish Premiership table with TRFC in second position?

    Well they did it for 140 years of history and 13 years of tax avoided/ evaded cheated titles.

    Thirteen years of tournaments fixing, why not for a game?

    1. Hugh Dallas was a bigot who subverted games out of his hatred for all things CFC. He appointed the right kind of pro RFC officials to games to skew results towards Ibrox. Alan Muir is cut from the same cloth as Dallas. He lied and cheated his way to denying CFC a penalty and a man advantage. He is one of a dying breed of West of Scotland bigots in the game. He will have a lucrative career to look forward to as an after dinner speaker at Rangers supporters clubs.

      1. I wouldn’t trust any, all and every ref from the lanarkshire referee association. Just why is it that sectarian singing never appears in the referees report. This is the go to ‘get out of jail card’ and it can’t be allowed to continue. questions need asked as to why ‘ALL’ the referees who participate in TRFC matches are ‘not’ offended.

        http://www.sfar-lanarkshire.org.uk/referee-profiles

      2. Scoosh71
        Maybe lots of referee’s are offended by sectarian singing, the thing is they are there to officiate on the rules of the actual game not enforce the law of the land, they are not arbiters of morality.
        what amazes me is not one poster seems to have found the moral outrage to comment on the very loud sectarian singing heard at Inverness and at the recent Celtic v Rangers game at Celtic Park by Celtic fans (and not a minority of those present I may add)
        Moral outrage by the majority posters on this site appears to be a very one way street, whether commenting on sectarianism or wanton vandalism and hooliganism

        perhaps, as you inferred in a previous post (that JJ strangely allowed given that he doesn’t tolerate “playing the man” on his blog) I’m just a racist and a certain type of “Hun” for daring to comment on sectarian issues?
        perhaps, as you alluded to in that post, sectarianism and racism only applies if it is directed toward one particular section of society, and anyone of a different disposition is a “perpetrator” by default

        JJ
        you may find subscriptions increase if there was more balance to the blog? whilst you have at times given me food for thought and I broadly agree with your assessment of the current board and some of the fan groups attached to them, the blog and the overwhelming majority of posters see everything “Rangers” as bad, it is unremittingly negative in the extreme and posters post through a predisposed prism, whatever the subject matter

      3. Jim, I’m not going to temper my views to solicit subscriptions or donations. However I agree with your analysis that very few of a Rangers persuasion have donated to this site. I approach all articles and comments in a balanced way. To suggest otherwise says more about you than it does about me.

      4. The laws of football and the land can be intertwined. So are you saying it’s ok to sing the billy boy’s, it’s that simple of a question. You know it, I know it and the ‘referees’ definitely know it, as does the fourth official. This is a black and white situation, with no grey areas. Your club is shrouded in bigotry, from the ‘boardroom to the bootboys’ as the world has moved on from majority of TRFC fans preconceived attitudes of hatred and it’s left them all behind.

  21. Easiest way to stop the offensive singing is to pick up the ball and tell the referee that UEFA says no to racism. Sectarian songs are essentially racist. Force the referee to take action.

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