Dear JJ-Club Statement

Dear JJ,

Despite the reverse in Aberdeen, Lady Bear and I are in fine fettle as we sample the München brews and do our utmost to blend in to the crowd. As you can see from the enclosed photograph Lady Bear is sizzling the Bavarian Bratwursts with her latest outfit:

Adult Oktobermiss Costume Couples Costume

Whereas I look like a gay Von Trapp from The Sound of Music:


Adult Deluxe Traditional Rutger Bavarian Costume


For a bit of fun we have placed a bid on e-bay for a job lot of 100 broken red plastic seats, which are surplus to requirements at Pittodrie. I understand that they featured in an entertaining game of volleyball as both sets of supporters traded bons mots from sweet mouths.  Unfortunately the safe standing initiative from the Rangers supporters was somewhat sullied by a lusty bastardisation of an old nursery rhyme. Who would have thought that ‘Little Bo Beep‘ would have lost more than her sheep in Aberdeen?

The local news stands carry The Daily Rectum comic which Lady Bear uses for cat litter. She would be lost without our Siamese Aristocat, Super Ally. As she was laying down some sheets of cheap newsprint I noted that some of the Rectum’s Rangers Cheerleaders would have us believe that we have never had it so good. Did a warm glow of reverie descend on Mark Warburton after the ninety minutes was up? Forgive me for saying but in photographs in the Rectum he looks like an angry Daddy Bear who has discovered that an Aberdonian Goldilocks had eaten his porridge. He did not appear to be serenading the match officials with a cover of ‘Que Sera, Sera

Joey Barton’s new computer game,  A Clueless Country, features Mark Warburton as a Super Mario type character trying to find his way out of a maze while red plastic seats rain down on him. The Warburton-on-sea Avatar is carrying a basket of potatoes. The object of the game is to get out of the maze, avoid having a red seat impaled in your cranium and not ‘drop your spuds.

There are many parallels to the SPFL where Warburton-on-sea has dropped twelve points. If things don’t improve there will only be one goldfish left in the Glasgow fish bowl:

“Does our club statement lack balance?”


Should we console ourselves with some stand-up comedy, we don’t have far to look as a new statement has been released by Paul Murray’s hair. The statement is evidently a confection of bouffant and brass neck as Rangers aspired to take the gloss off Celtic. It was a naked exercise in PR for Dummies. I wonder if Je Suis Graham created it while wearing his Grand Wizard’s uniform of white robe and pointy hat?  If this is the case he should cut another eyelet in the white hood of his ‘glory suit‘ as his narrative is somewhat one-eyed:

“Following yesterday’s Judicial Panel decision Rangers will be demanding urgent clarification from the Scottish FA over how they intend ensuring the safety of players and officials participating in this season’s Scottish Cup. The Club has been left shocked by the SFA’s approach to this vital safety issue and by the decision not to seek sanctions in respect of the assaults by Hibernian supporters on Rangers players and officials at the end of the Cup Final last May. The Scottish FA must have a basic duty of care to ensure the safety of players and officials in matches played in their competitions and at Hampden. Rangers were surprised and disappointed by the nature of the charges brought by the association believing them fundamentally flawed from the outset and cannot understand why the focus seemed to be on compensating the association for damage to Hampden Stadium and items such as advertising hoardings and LED panels rather than ensuring the safety of players and officials. Rangers are concerned that adopting this approach will not dissuade supporters of other Clubs from coming onto the field of play and/or assaulting players and officials. Rangers were also astonished by the fact Hibernian, whose Chairman Rod Petrie is Vice-president of the Scottish FA, were permitted to engage the SPFL’s solicitor to fight the charges being brought by the SFA. Using the legal adviser to one of Scottish Football’s two governing bodies to defend charges brought by the other is worrying enough for those concerned with the good governance and integrity of Scottish Football, but it is even more disturbing when the party at the centre of the conflict also has a foot in both camps and is scheduled to become the SFA’s President. Rangers are also extremely disappointed at Mr Petrie’s continued failure to issue an apology in respect of the assaults on our players and officials.At the time of the Cup Final Rangers shared the outrage and concern expressed by the Scottish FA Chief Executive Stewart Regan. He was very clear: ‘It was appalling. In the UK this is one of the worst incidents of its kind I’ve seen.’ However, four months on from the Final, the Scottish FA have still not held a formal de-brief. Sheriff Bowen has prepared and issued a report. Rangers were pleased to provide evidence to Sheriff Bowen and offered guidance from our own very experienced security team on the failings in policing and stewarding at the match. Rangers remain disappointed and concerned that the report did not address many of the issues raised by our security team. The concerns were raised not to attack individuals for what had happened but with a view to avoiding any repetition of these issues. Rangers would hope all of Scottish Football would be united in agreeing this is paramount.The continued failure to deal properly and promptly with issues surrounding the Cup Final is alarming and a stain on Scottish football. The SFA must confront and learn from the issues that arose. Rangers owe it to our players and supporters to ensure that the Scottish FA’s duty of care is upheld and that those with authority in Scottish Football create a safe environment for the game. It should be understood Rangers will not tolerate any of their employees being attacked with impunity.

I trust you concur with my choice of red typeface as the anger and indignation drips from every diphthong. Lady Bear and I created a drinking game for our new-found friends in Herr Clink’s Mein Kampf Oompah Band.  German was never my strongest suit but I believe that ‘my struggle’ captures the essence of the brass ensemble. The object of the game is to read the statement aloud while keeping a straight face. Our German guests are hard task masters and insist on drinking a shot of Schnapps in one go if there is even the slightest inflection in vocal delivery. Lady Bear later reflected that King should be in ‘The Clink‘ and that only the most gullible would accept his ‘victim mentality’ narrative. If he makes enough noise does he hope that we will all forget that King is £30m short of an Old Firm sandwich?

 As  Voltaire asserted in “Reflexions sur de jonque”: “Lorsque l’on effectue une action, atteint un mauvais résultat, puis répète l’action plusieurs fois attendent un meilleur résultat, on est un peu fou de singe, non?”

My Haberdasher’s  prep schoolboy French, although a little rusty, arrived at the following:

 “When one carries out an action, that reaches a bad result, then one repeats the same action several times, expecting a better result- one is a little-insane monkey, no?


Image result for image of Dave King as a monkey?
Since the Jim White’s beatification on Sky, King had to return his misappropriated wine and has now converted his basement into a Bears’ Den.


Lady Bear sends her love.


Yours in Rangers,

Edward (Teddy) Bear Esquire

Neuturmstraße 1, 80331 München, Germany



Dear Teddy,

Lady Bear and a large beer! What more could any red-blooded male ask for. Well a result at Ibrox tomorrow would be a good start when the Jags are visitors. One wonders whether they will take their LSD-inspired mascot to scare the kids. This will not of course be a problem for Mark Warburton’s League of Venerable Gentlemen.

I note that the Ibrox bookmaker, Honest Joey Barton will not be betting in play tomorrow. He’s already on the marble naughty step and as Warburton-On-Sea has been banned from the dugout tomorrow there’s not enough room on the directors’ box naughty step. When I look at the statement my thoughts turn to Warburton’s band on the run and a squirrel to deflect from the poor performamces on the field of play and CFC’s Champions League showing against the Champions-elect of English football. Joey Barton is left of centre, just behind the squirrel:

Image result for Band on the run images


If I was tasked with composing a sentence or two  with ‘appalling;  failings; impunity; shocked and safety’, which all feature in the angry prose, I would write the following:

“I am shocked to note that the connectors of three roofs have so severely deteriorated that the safety of spectators is being compromised. This is an appalling failing on the part of the board who by their negligence are threatening the lives of their supporters with impunity.”

This would be much closer to the truth apropos matters at Ibrox.

My love as always to Lady Bear. If she is successful in her bid for the ‘distressed’ chairs from Pittodrie, might I be so bold to suggest a garden promenade at your Chalfonts estate, featuring Herr Clink’s band. We could repair them to seat the entire village.

Yours in Rangers,



29 thoughts on “Dear JJ-Club Statement”

  1. I don’t recall a statement from Rangers after their own fans attacked their own members of Staff after the game at Ibrox was abandoned due to snow v Hearts 2 years ago. Nor did they mention that all of the Hearts supporters buses were vandalised, and Hearts fan attacked. The preference for comforting lies and for the Rangers fans not to hold anyone to account led to Rangers downfall in the past, to continue with this policy and for the Rangers fans to swallow this for a second time is truly astounding. You’re letting it happen again!………Do something!

    1. The problem JJ has in issuing such a warning though is that there is now no downside risk to preach against. An apparent worst case 3 year Busmans journey (ignoring the fact the bus is strangely ‘reinvigorated’ sans debt en route) in exchange for a competitive team that stops THEM getting 10 in a row? I suspect you might find more than a few takers for that gamble. Not least since by default its upside is the fatal attraction of the automatic Champions league enrichment with no ties attached assuming you ignore the 4 qualifying rounds against stiffening opposition.

      Meanwhile why not shout about attacks, disgust and anything else you don’t like, as long as its not taken with impunity, you are after all the peepil that virtually every commentator who is allowed to express his positive opinion has said the game’s been missing are you not?

      1. The business belief that Champions League accession will solve everything is deeply flawed.

        Europa League football won’t make a substantive difference to their receipts. This team wouldn’t advance far.

        As you point out, winning the Scottish Premiership only gets TRFC into four rounds of preliminaries against tough opposition before the CL group stage big cash.

        Euromillions is an unlikely dream for TRFC. They would be better buying a lottery ticket.

        They don’t appear to discern that it was EBT players and impossible BOS bank debt that got them into the CL. Without those wrongful cash approaches, they just can’t do it.

        They have two guys who crashed the bus last time have they not learned Voltaire’s wisdom?

        This attack on the SFA is astonishing given the SFA has gifted them an illegal same club status and transfer of titles after original Gers was Liquidated.

  2. Barton’s words with Halliday gets him a cumulative four weeks suspension from Warburton, but Warburton’s verbal assault on SFA Officials get a one game technical area suspension.

    Was the Warburton, lips pixilated on tv, verbal assault on the Ref similar to the alleged newco players verbal assault by Hibs fans? After it was agreed it wasn’t physical assault after all.

    This Sevco Rangers statement suggests the SFA is pressing for their four year fine to be paid. Or revisiting EBT titles cheating. The Cup final being used simply as a troublesome riposte by the defaulting club. The SFA should consider removing their license.

    1. An example of a player being dealt with far too harshly and his manager getting a tap on the wrist.

      When will the players union get an even deal for players? Double standards in the game if you ask me.

  3. Hi JJ. Always read but have never posted. Set up a £10 monthly payment last month, would like to think others have also. A wee score draw at the crumbledome tomorrow I think.

  4. Mein Kampf to pocket £20m by CCK. How really tough for him.

    The wording of the club release is an astonishing tirade. It is an attempt at bullying of named individuals. It is an example of desperate times. It invites laughter at them.

    The SFA should respond to it with a withering putdown.

    Indeed is this CCK finding something to use because he wasn’t found fit and proper by the SFA?

    1. This is Klub18-73 getting value for money apparently.

      This sort of stuff is how the board quid pro quo for the cash. Klub18-73 having their voice heard in the game. Lol.

      At least it’s not a Klub18-73 to board letter with minutes later board response finding its way onto stv national news being read verbatim by an accentuated and serious STV Grant pointing his finger into the table.

      How much do they pay him for that? Is he on an hour rate?

    2. It’d be hilarious if they issued a statement to the effect that having reviewed all available footage and statements, no evidence of any physical assault on rangers players or coaches could be substantiated, though an assault by rangers coaching staff was found evident….. While there was some evidence of inappropriate language, those responsible will be given a one match ban from future Scottish cup ties in line with SFA practice for nominal disciplinary action.

  5. The Sevco newco board never criticized the SFA when their fans ripped up Aberdeen seats, destroyed Celtic toilets, various sectarian incidents on trains and started a riot in Edinburgh.

    Their fans pitch invasion and numerous assaults on camera at the cup final followed up with arrests is where the truth points to itself.

  6. Surely RRM should be ordering Rosalin’s guide to buying gold?

    Millions into gold promises to be better than sinking ill gotten into Sevco holding company vehicle?

    You get to handle all your gold coins then hide them away. Much better than knowing Joey is enjoying his golf.

    Golf or Gold?

  7. From the sublime to the ridiculous in Scottish football.

    The sublime, of course, was Dembele’s first minute of second half overhead goal.

    The ridiculous is this warped mindset statement. How any PLC Board could approve this wording for public release baffles me.

    Is it time to crash the Sevco vehicle a la Rosetta spacecraft? Run its course? £1.2billion well spent?

    Meanwhile Bung gate grows with descriptions of so much money sloshing about in the game. Lol.

  8. Friday 30th Sept. wages go through yesterday?

    What’s the end of month wage bill for the entire PLC?

    Tax paid up to date?

    Creditors being serviced?

    Enough in coffers for the last Thursday in October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July?

    There’s really too much money sloshing about in the game. That’s the entire problem.

  9. Wasn’t this statement released before or am I having Déjà vu. You called correctly, it’s just a puff piece for the ‘Gullibears’, trying to get them onside again and taking their mind of the ‘fact’ they’re 7th in the league with a -3 goal difference. a defeat tomorrow and that roof going to come tumbling down on King, Warburton and the rest of them, as there will serious unrest by the Ibrox natives.

  10. JJ , eventually summoned up the ‘balls’ to post as I never feel I have anything to say which matches the thoughts and ability of other contributors . This time I thought I’d give it a go. My allegiances are obvious from my moniker but I appreciate the truth wherever I find it .

    Something I wondered you could shed some light on .

    Current share issue is approx. 80M shares with 75% (60M) required to approve a new share issue . Let’s be generous and assume a share price of 27.5p (recent share trading) valuing the company at £22M .

    What is the total that has been ‘loaned’ to the company in lieu of shares ? I have a figure of approx. £6M in my head not including Club 1872 .

    I’m going to work with a figure of £8M here for illustrative purposes .

    So. Share issue is approved @ 20p.

    £8M is converted to shares which buys 40M shares meaning 120M in circulation.

    What happens to company value ? Is it now £30M ,valuing 120M shares at 25p each ?

    How do RIFC raise any capital beyond this amount ?

    Do existing shareholders then contribute to maintain their current shareholding %age ?

    How do existing shareholders divest their holding without taking a loss , assuming they didn’t purchase at 17/18 p ?

    I don’t see how this works as it would need a share issue north of 80M shares to bring any level of investment necessary to see out the season and that would mean current shareholders agreeing to a ‘halving’ of their current share value .

    Your thoughts and/or thoughts of your readers would be appreciated .

    PS Recurring payment set up last month (not for much but planning to increase it) – so I hope you’ve received it.

    1. There are those outside the tent pissing in who will oppose any disapplication of pre-emption rights. King knows this and if my sources are correct his £5m Chinese laundry has been repaid from ST, hence cash crisis. Thanks for recurring payment. Every little helps.

  11. I’m fed up arguing with mates of mine who Support SCOTLANDS Newest club..When questioned about the Destruction of Property at Celtic Pk all I’ve got over the years is “Use Started It”..Well basically that ain’t the truth..The first time it happened was a Cup Semi Final between Rangers v Aberdeen in March 22nd 1969 at Celtic Pk..The close Season before Celtic renovated the Pie Stalls And Toilets under the Old Jungle..Now this was before there was ever a Blue Seat or Green Seat in either Stadium..The place was wrecked..They destroyed Everything..The Staff had to Flee for they’re lives..I was a Steward in those days and got a phone call early on the Sunday morning to come to the Park..You should have seen the place..It was as if a Tornado had hit it..Everything was destroyed..So all these people who are quick to blame Hoops fans for starting this Carnage should really get they’re facts rite..I will never ever forget it

    1. If the SNP fast track strict liability all recidivist action of this nature will be laid squarely at Murray’s door, as will the bill from Pittodrie. I would not be surprised if clubs demanded a £50,000 bond prior to releasing any tickets to RFC.

  12. The way the SFA/SPFL have handled every single aspect of the cup final is truly, madly, deeply beyond comedy, parody, satire and ridicule.

    The only way is up brogues ! ! !

    Btw – I’ve always thought there is more than a passing resemblance between Donk and Yazz – does he have a career lined up outside football – because he sure as hell won’t get another job in football on this planet. Love the moves Donk – are those cycling shorts from Sports Direct?

  13. Another great post JJ and one that shows that TRFC is an embarrassment. I won’t be using the recurring payment option but trust that my variable monthly donations are acceptable. One on the way.

  14. Whilst myself and my good lady are meandering around South West Spain, my son messaged me to say that on Radio Clyde tonight Alex EBT £569K Rae was shocked and horrified by corruption in the game, and seemingly has not recovered from the fact that an agent had earned £500K on a deal in Belgium! He was not sure how much work and time the Agent had put in to secure whatever the deal was. Can £569K Rae tell us about his own agent’s input to his ‘under-the-counter’ deal with SDM?

  15. I had a truly astounding thought last night.
    Celtic won more League titles than Rangers in the sixties seventies and eighties.
    Rangers won more in the nineties in the Murray years.
    Celtic again won more even through the EBT fuelled 2000 to 2009 decade.
    Celtic will again win more in this decade.
    This means in my lifetime Celtic have very much been the establishment dominant club. For those of us brought up with the perceived view that Rangers are the dominant force ….old or new Rangers….this fact is astounding. My father would never have believed it. It has only just dawned on me.

  16. What happens if the report in yesterday’s Sunday Post is corrected Glasgow City Council sue both clubs for £800,000 ??

    Details here -

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