A Collective Failing at The Daily Record

Prior to writing this article I believe that congratulations are in order to Neil Doncaster. Having carefully nursed Rangers through two home ties against part-time opposition, namely Peterhead and Queen of the South,  he has now delivered on the jewel in the crown game to BT Sport. If there’s any possibility of Rangers not making the cut-off and Sky not receiving their contracted four games, it’s heartening to note that Stewart Regan will step into the breach in The Scottish Cup and allocate a couple of home ties against minnow teams all the way to another semi-final with Celtic. It’s important to honour contracts with broadcasters. Those expecting sporting integrity should look away now. That was abolished by Sir David Murray in 1998.

I’m indebted to Lady Bear who sent the following photograph from her new iPhone 7:


This site is on the cusp of an exclusive series of articles, chapters in a book, that will capture the imagination of everyone who is interested in Scottish football and the tumultuous events of 2012. Solicitors are pouring over the first two hundred pages and once they have given them a green light, readers of this site will have access to something that one might not expect to find on social media. However when one looks at the mediocrity of what passes for sports journalism in this country, as they cling desperately to the Blue Linings Level 5 Play Book, then the rationale of the author might not be that difficult to fathom. I respectfully invite my readers to watch this space.

As a warm-up for some spiteful exchanges at today’s bun fight at the Hilton, the ballroom blitz,  Darren who puts the BS into Cooney, and Keith Jackass, engaged in some light Twitter sparring with Hearts blogger Matt Leslie.

keith jackson
@mattleslie74 @DarrenBSCooney @Pmacgiollabhain  hey, great tits though! 👀

Is it not heartening to note that the future of Scottish Sports journalism is in such safe hands? As copy sales drop at the Record to a new low of just 166,592 is Murray Foote happy with the output of his Sports Desk? Are these individuals using office facilities and the Trinity Mirror dollar to engage in petty vendettas? Mr Leslie, who like many of us has noticed that Jackass has forged a career out of plagiarizing Phil Mac’s work, hit back by pointing out how the hapless Record hack can no longer just cut and paste from Phil Mac’s site. Jackass now has to cast his net further afield, for example Germany, for his cut and paste exclusives. The last word on this unseemly spat was asserted by a real journalist, Paul Hayward, who is The Chief Sports Writer at The Daily Telegraph, thus:

“I’ll be having a look at your work, Darren, to see whether it’s “half decent, no more than that.” You sound a real big shot.”

A word to the wise Paul. Cooney runs the bagel school of journalism at the failing Daily Record. Their copy sales are falling off a cliff. He and Jackass will soon be unemployed and unemployable.

The next time you think about paying 65p (or is it 66p?) for a copy of The Daily Record, have a careful look at what your money is supporting. When you get BS truly rattled, as I did, he will tell you that he has a friend who is a solicitor. I’m friendly with a phalanx of barristers in Temple, any one of whom would have Cooney begging for change outside Glasgow Central. His threats have the intellect and menace of a dead sheep.

Rangers have just released the following statement which puts the activities of Foote and his colleagues into sharp relief:

“AFTER having challenged the Daily Record over the veracity of their story ‘Cops: Mob Rule Outside Hampden Blocked Us From Getting In to Help’ (published on May 26, 2016) Rangers have received an apology from the newspaper’s editor.

The Daily Record was hauled over the coals by the newspaper industry watchdog, the Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO,) who were scathing in their criticisms of the methods used by the paper.

IPSO ruled the Daily Record failed to corroborate the information they claim they were given via an anonymous email and also found them to be guilty of presenting a ‘significantly misleading impression.’ The Daily Record also failed to ‘demonstrate the accuracy of the serious allegations set out in the article.’

IPSO also stated: ‘In circumstances where Rangers supporters were accused of violence towards police, and other anti-social behaviour, the attempts it had made to support the account of an unidentified source it had been unable to verify were not sufficient to demonstrate that care had been taken over the accuracy of the article.’

Rangers and Club 1872 challenged the paper and in a letter to Rangers Managing Director Stewart Robertson, the editor of the Daily Record admitted the report printed in the edition of May 26 surrounding events in the aftermath of the Scottish Cup final ‘should not have been published.’

The editor also wrote: ‘In this instance the paper failed to maintain the requisite standards. It was a collective failing for which I apologise unreservedly.’”

Mr Hayward’s colleague, Jonathan Liew, has written a stunning piece of satire, The Secret Diary of Joey Barton,  which is well out with the intellectual grasp and education of Cooney and his nodding dogs. I found the following excerpt inordinately amusing:


The reporters are camped on the front lawn. They have been there for a week now, asking if my Rangers career is over. The old Joey Barton would probably have stormed out and lamped the lot of them. Not any more. As part of my journey of personal development, I have been reading a lot of Eastern philosophy, and a lot of it is about avoiding direct conflict and letting nature take its course. So I set the dogs on them instead.


Eventually I had to leave the house and brave the media scrum. Fortunately I had to hand a copy of Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, in which the author concludes that even in moments of extreme suffering, there is an essential beauty to life that can never fully be extinguished.I opened the door, picked up the book, and swung it at the first microphone-wielding melt in sight. As he sank to his knees, blood pouring from his nose, the rest of them scattered like beetles. Like I always say, adversity brings out the best in me.


Got a call from the manager, Mark Warburton, summoning me to Ibrox for clear-the-air talks. A chance to make amends. Look, Mark, I said to him: 

“I fully apologise for everything that’s happened. Like you, I just want what’s best for Rangers Football Club. And given that you’ve achieved fuck all in the game, I feel that the best thing for the club would be for you to step down as manager and for me to take over the side for the foreseeable future.” 


The idea of Barton as player-manager is less fanciful than one might think given the alternatives of Barry Ferguson or, heaven preserve us, Ally McCoist. I almost fell off my chair when the latter was suggested to me yesterday in correspondence from Charles Green. Was this the carrot which enticed Barton to Ibrox? We now know that Warburton played no part in Barton’s hire. After the Scottish Cup final and the excoriating criticism of Warburton by the directors, with one of whom calling him ‘a fucking disgrace’ as they all put the verbal boot in, was Barton hired as a prospective assistant manager to Davie Weir as they thought that Warburton would walk away? Unfortunately for Warburton, his phone was not ringing off the hook. He even returned a call to Phil Macgiollabhain’s number in the mistaken hope that he was an agent or director with an offer. Mr Warburton had to swallow his pride and return  to Auchenhowie. The fact that the board did not back him by sacking Barton is instructive.

I digress. The forthcoming game on Sunday, when Aberdeen hosts the renascent Rangers, is eagerly anticipated. One might well ask why this game, which features a tussle between 4th and 5th in the Scottish Premier League, is being hyped in the media. Could this be due to a group of enterprising Aberdeen FC fans who have posted the following all over town to welcome the Rangers support:

Aberdeen supporters are being encouraged to wear black arm bands to the game. The travelling circus of lavatory interior designers, from the Bauhaus minimalist school, who follow Rangers, may be surprised that they are not being welcomed with open arms in Aberdeen. In some ways their experience might mirror that of Willie Miller:

Willie Miller “When i arrived at the car park at Pittodrie,I said to the girl “Willie Miller BBC Radio” she said “have you been here before?”

A Hilton Ballroom Beano

WHERE: Due to unforeseen circumstances, The Glasgow City Hotel is unable to host our lunch next Friday. Health and safety regulations require unexpected extra work to the building.

The lunch will now be held in the Hilton Hotel, William Street, Glasgow, G3 8HT.






Tomorrow at lunch time those who masquerade as journalists in Scotland will gather to hear the bons mots of Nicola Sturgeon. It does not take a great leap of my imagination to envisage the thrust of her speech. She will play to her audience:

“Ladies and gentleman, it is my privilege to speak to you this afternoon. As much as I acknowledge your enviable position as the creators of the first draft of history, I am fully aware of the challenges you face in a digital age. Every Tom, Dick, John or James with a laptop can go online and attempt to eat your lunch. I’m sure I’m joined by all of you in expressing my thanks to the Hilton Hotel who with a minimum of notice stepped into the breach to cater for this event (lead applause). I’m not here to engage in a party political broadcast for the SNP (are they really as ‘wet behind the ears’ and gormless as they look) but as we noted during the Independence Referendum, those allowed to vote for the first time, the 16 and 17 years old demographic, were able to make informed decisions by downloading information to their iPhones and Kindle devices. If the Scottish media is to remain vital, it must appeal to the Facebook/Instagram generation. Video journalism is here to stay. I’m of a generation who loves nothing more than newsprint with my morning coffee and croissant. I reach for a broadsheet in the way that many in the past reached for a cigarette. But as we have seen, even the tobacco industry has had to move with the times and is now heavily investing in the e-cigarette market. I am of course not advocating their use as health and wellbeing are at the front and centre of SNP policy.

I prefer something tangible, the younger generation, weaned on the ‘selfies’ and the ephemeral nature of information dissemination, will take their journalism to go like their lattes from Starbucks. To my mind the medium is not important. Journalism will continue to thrive. The Fourth Estate’s balanced, critical thought-leading reportage will continue to underpin our democracy. Embrace the technology ladies and gentlemen and let your words set us free.”  (await standing ovation).

Ms Sturgeon’s communications’ director will write a much longer speech. There will be no mention of  John James as Keith Jackass and Chris Jack like to pretend that I don’t exist. Why would Ms Sturgeon choose to give them indigestion or invite them to eat their words?  As the assembled hacks congregate at the tables that have been paid for by the odious organs that employ them, they will disprove the adage that there is no such thing as a free lunch. In a not too distant past this occasion was a suitable excuse to drink to excess and wake up the following morning in a strange bedroom having mislaid your trousers. Tomorrow it is more likely to be an exercise in mineral water one-upmanship with everyone vying for the billy big baws‘  red and blue bottles from Ty Nant. 

“Perrier water is so yesterday, Darling. I assume that you have the new iPhone 7. I would simply be lost without it.”

Image result for blue bottled water

This site is indebted to Jack Irvine who has trained and worked with many of those who will be present tomorrow. I guarantee that those who pretend not to read this site will be fully apprised of the comment he made yesterday on the A Mortal Comedy thread.  Jack was responding to a quote from Alex Thomson in which the Channel Four reporter asserted, in 2012, that 25 journalists had been threatened for attempting to tell the truth about Rangers:

“If there have been 25 journalists attempting to tell the truth about Rangers, who do they work for? Where have we seen King’s villainy exposed? Were the Blue Knights shown to be hollow men full of promises and hot air? Who highlighted in stark terms the lack of funding from King? Who has carried out a forensic report on the club’s finances? Who revealed the conspiracy to destabilise the previous board, depress the share price thus removing the club from the AIM market? Who exposed the funding of bloggers with criminal convictions to mount a campaign achieving all of the above? Who exposed Ally McCoist’s true salary? Which paper carried the fact that all accused except Craig Whyte have been cleared of all charges? Which paper has looked at the cost to the taxpayer of this abortive prosecution and the conduct of Crown Office personnel especially Mr James Keegan, an embarrassment to the legal profession.

Had any journalist seen fit to carry out these basic tasks I could understand had they received a real threat. I have been receiving threats for decades and the last people I would have told would have been the NUJ. I would have printed it in the paper alongside the offending story. We call that journalism. My former colleagues should try it some time.”

Jack, the former editor of the Scottish Sun, has watched events unfold with a withering eye.This site has risen to many of the challenges that he highlights in his comment. The SMSM in sharp contrast wrote PR copy penned by  King’s bought and paid for lickspittles, Level 5. Everyone assembled tomorrow believes that they ‘are in the loop‘ as long as they remain on-side with Mangetout Traynor and Stephen Kerr. Traynor was never a journalist in any sense of the word, except in the parallel universe milieu of The Daily Record where bumped-up bagel boys, who kick with the right foot, are allowed to write copy. His legacy is Keith Jackson who has seamlessly picked up the moronic mantle of his former editor. Mangetout will be present tomorrow to quietly smile at all the ventriloquists’ dummies in the room who have danced to his tune. He will enter the Hilton ballroom tomorrow like a Demis Roussos demigod expecting to win a lifetime achievement award before realizing that it’s a charity lunch gig.

Image result for Demis Roussos
Jim Traynor in his hirsute heyday.

If Jack Irvine is present, Traynor will do his best to avoid him as ‘Demis’ has not forgiven Mr Irvine for seizing the Ibrox agenda when his Media House International company was appointed by Craig Mather. Mangetout was rendered mute and, redundant. Traynor was reduced to shuffling papers in his Edmiston Drive press office. The agenda had left his station.

As the SMSM hacks congratulate themselves on their shrinking circulation figures and inversely proportional expanding waistlines, they will probably miss the news that 1,465,840 shares in RIFC traded hands yesterday afternoon. A mystery buyer paid  27.3p per share in a deal worth circa £400,000. As Dave King is attempting to offload his equity in Hong Kong, those speculating that Brian Kennedy has bought this 1.79% are probably wide of the mark. Kennedy would not be interested in crumbs from King’s table. He probably had first refusal on King’s equity when Paul Murray came calling three weeks ago. The smart players dispose of their shares in small parcels to prop up the price.

I would like to believe that you could read about this on social media, but I’m dismayed to note that my exclusives are being interpolated by others to serve their agenda that they are the one-stop purveyors for all things Rangers. The idea of my blog being discussed at an Ibrox boardroom table is truly fanciful.

It’s no secret that King wants out. As the Fraudco trial, that he created, collapses around his ears, he will be as aware as I am that a complaint has been made to Police Scotland apropos his Charlotte Fakeovers criminal activity. It would not surprise me if he had his collar well and truly felt should he ever again venture to Scotland. Police Scotland have been led up the garden path by King and should the case against Whyte collapse on October 3rd, someone much more senior than DCI Robertson will lead the post-mortem.

Those who are attempting to subvert my exclusives should try this on for size. I was informed yesterday evening that someone at the top of the food chain at Glasgow City Council has been sharing information with his opposite number at Edinburgh City Council in regard to Rangers relocating to Hampden for two seasons. I exclusively informed readers that the connectors on three stands had so severely deteriorated that all three roofs must be lifted and replaced. Others will attempt to riff on this, but the specific information was conveyed to readers of this site. Could the Hogmanay game at Ibrox be the last for the forseeable future as per the recommendations of the contracted civil engineers, or will the Rangers board gamble and ride their luck until the close season?  As I stated in another article: You can bet in-play.

I’m not drinking any mineral water from a green or blue bottle. I’m not interpolating the exclusives of others to feed my ego. There will be enough egos and food to go round at the Hilton Ballroom tomorrow, but don’t expect investigative journalism. That has not been seen in Scotland since Jim Traynor was a mere slip of a lad chasing Meals on Wheels vans.

I would respectfully invite my readers to support their site and not the poor facsimiles in the SMSM.



















A Mortal Comedy

An acquaintance of mine relayed to me an inordinately funny story yesterday. The occasion was a wedding in New Hampshire. The groom was a young man from Scotland. At the evening reception, the groom’s family from Glasgow, suitably attired in their Rangers tartan kilts, were on the dance floor shaking their sporrans to some dance floor beats. As the night nears an end the inevitable 500 Miles by The Proclaimers gets everybody on the floor followed by Auld Lang Syne then, to the horror of the visiting Presbysterians, You’ll Never Walk Alone.
Apparently the American DJ believed this to be a popular Scottish ditty. One church elder had to be taken outside and a cold compress applied.
One of my regular contributors, of both comments and Paypal support, sends me Youtube clips of this Celtic anthem by stealth. On one occasion it was being sung by a soprano. He is quick to point out that this is what this site is missing. I beg to differ and choose to demur. I’m fairly certain that he will enjoy the following reworking of The Dead Parrot sketch:
I anticipate Jim Fraser dropping by to express his faux outrage. When I receive vile comments, I quickly add the IP address of the twisted individual to the WordPress Askimet spam filter.The individual who currently refers to himself as Walter Mitty is wasting his time. His IP is in the filter and I deleted my spam file yesterday. I read no more than the first line of his virulent diatribes. Someone, long since blocked on Twitter, dropped by with a menacing threat to someone whom he assumed to be my sister. As an only child this came as news to me. This article is about threats and intimidation. Until yesterday I had no idea who Paul Larkin was. I reached out to a CFC blogger who was kind enough to send me examples of his output. I was looking for the offence that prompted Police Scotland to contact him and warn him that their intelligence dispatches had picked up a credible threat to his life. Those of a terrorist bent, who emanate primarily from Northern Ireland and towns near Stranraer, are monitored by GCHQ. Their activity does not go unnoticed. I will revert to Mr Larkin’s ‘offence‘ after reproducing an excerpt from an excellent article on this phenomenon by Alex Thomson of Channel Four. It was written on Friday 12th October 2012. A time when Charles Green’s renascent Rangers had just started their ‘ journey.’
“An element of the Rangers customer base remains out of order and neither Rangers, nor Scotland’s football authorities, nor the police appear willing or able to do much about it.I’m talking intimidation: Of the legal profession. Of football’s governing bodies. Of football club executives. Of publishing. Of bookshops. Of newspapers. Of TV stations.Tellingly, in Glasgow this will come as news to nobody. Which should tell anybody half awake how sick things are in this singular aspect of that great city. Outside Scotland people may legitimately wonder how or why this is tolerated? Or simply gawp in astonishment that such things go on almost daily this year. And it is arguably getting worse. Like anybody prepared to challenge or ask questions or charged with passing judgement on Rangers, both Scottish Football Association and Scottish Premier League directors have had a torrid time of it. In the case of SFA boss Stewart Regan, there were death threats. The SFA have revealed that private details of SFA directors have been published online. Incredibly, to those outside the Clyde Cauldron, the SFA boss said he’d had to speak to Counter-Terrorism police officers over the nature of the threats and the security response. This revolting behaviour from a minority continues to spike in activity when those running the game are forced to take action to try and clear up the Ibrox mess. Nobody, but nobody, should have to put up with this in the course of doing their job. But in Glasgow football it is dangerously close to being accepted as part of the job. For daring to print a factual account of the Ibrox meltdown, the publisher, Bob Smith of Frontline Noir, speaks of having to deal with a catalogue of abuse. Material was published online to identify where at least one person lived who worked on the production of ‘Downfall’. The abuse I received for simply writing the forward to this factual account of the Ibrox debacle was routine for me – for publishers unused to it, the experience was frightening. Those outside Scotland will find this hard to credit, but several shops including major chains like Waterstones and WH Smith were unable to display the book openly in some shops because of reported threats and actual abuse of staff. In at least one store copies were ripped up. In another Glasgow shop an angry individual wearing a Union Jack repeatedly entered the bookshop to scream at staff to send the offending tome back to the publishers.

NUJ officials say currently around 25 journalists have been threatened recently for attempting to tell the truth about Rangers.

Understandably most feel they cannot discuss it openly. As one told me in a Glasgow hotel this summer: “I’m not paid enough and I don’t feel I have bosses who’d back me up if it came to it.”

Silence…hoping it will all go away…totally understandable when you live in Glasgow. But it isn’t going away, is it?”




I added the blue bold italic typeface for emphasis. When Imran Ahmed went on the lam to Pakistan, he complained that he would not receive a fair trial in Scotland as Rangers is perceived by many to be a religious sect. There is a delicious irony in the fact that he chose Pakistan, a country noted for corruption, to thwart the efforts of what he perceived to be a force of corrupt ‘blue meanies.‘ The officers from Police Scotland who unsuccessfully attempted to arrest Ahmed, and illegally detained his six alleged co-conspirators, were all staunch Rangers men. As someone who dabbles at being a wordsmith, I’m attracted to words like staunch, loyal and committed as they are the apposite adjectives of choice used by many lazy journalists when discussing Rangers. I have been in many a social setting where on being introduced to a friend of a friend I would be reassured: ‘You’ll like Jim, he’s a staunch Rangers man.

I chose the reworking of the Dead Parrot sketch as a preface to the following clip from the pen of John Cleese and Connie Booth, which was performed by both in their award-winning comedy, Fawlty Towers:


Image result for images of John Cleese and don't mention the war



The author of ‘Downfall,’ which is a work of non-fiction, is none other than Phil Macgiollabhain. He was sufficiently gracious to drop by this site on Monday to add his words of encouragement on the occasion of this site’s first anniversary. The publisher of his book, who refers to himself as Bob Smith Walker on Twitter, referred to this site as ‘excellent’  on the same dayI thank both for their support and in the highly unlikely event that I were to be nominated for an award at the FBA, I would not hesitate to introduce myself to Phil Macgiollabhain whom I voted for in the ‘influencer‘ category. I would not boycott the event in protest at his inclusion as was the case last year with Gersnet.

I have spent a year running this site. I know how difficult it is to do so. I have a natural empathy to those who run other popular sites, my peers. This site will always be inclusive of insights and comments from other sites, no matter their stripe. I, like many others, laugh out loud at The Clumpany when he takes what passes for the press in Scotland to task. His Liquidation Lies Cup Tournament was a satirical masterpiece. I have voted for him in The Social Football Account category of the FBA. Last year I voted for him in the New Blog category. I would like to vote for some Rangers-facing sites but it would be unconscionable to vote for sites which openly advocate pejoratives such as Tarriers, Taigs and Bheasts and the type of Anglo-Saxon adjectival epithets that are favoured by Joey Barton.

My peers and I must endure the vile threats, and the questions of those close to us who know that we devote thousands of hours to these sites with only a trickle of contributions by way of recompense. I was encouraged to give up and rest on what passes for my ‘literary laurels.’  However I listened to those who wrote to me via Paypal from North America to Australia who value this site. I will do my utmost not to disappoint them. At least in the short-term.

Mr Larkin is a published author of a number of Celtic-leaning tomes. He pens a blog called The Front of The Bus.  He is also the writer and director of a documentary which has the title: The Asterisk Years.  I took the time to watch this documentary. I also read a review of it which goes by the name of The Edinburgh Establishment v Celtic.  

Readers of this site will know that I have long suspected that Sir David Murray worked in concert with his Edinburgh establishment cronies at the Bank of Scotland to call in Celtic’s £2.5m overdraft in 1994. Murray was not interested in Celtic’s ‘yang‘ to his Rangers ‘yin.’ Murray knew that Celtic at that time were running on fumes and empty rhetorical bluster about Swiss banks and prospective relocation to a new stadium in Cambuslang, when they barely had a pot to piss in.

As Masterton and his successors bet one billion pounds on Murray, transforming The Bank of Scotland to The Bank of Rangers, did they go out of their way to allow Rangers to have unfettered access to year-on-year UEFA participation?

However Mr Larkin goes further. He draws a parallel between Barry Bonds, the steroid-enhanced baseball star, and Rangers, the EBT-enhanced former football club which had 5 stars in their crest. If you think the SPFL’s hypocrisy in regard to Rangers continuation is as unpalatable as it is legally unsound in corporate tort, you don’t have far to look for a precedent.


Image result for images of Barry Bonds


The following is from The New York Times in 2014:

“Baseball’s bonfire of the hypocrisies has burned bright. This past summer, the former manager Tony La Russa, the Great Enabler, was installed in the Hall of Fame. Over two decades, La Russa pulled off a feat of nonobservation of the human condition. He oversaw the careers of the grandest hulks of the age of injectables, Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco, without noticing anything amiss.”

Barry Bonds was not the first hulking injectable in Baseball, but he was arguably the most successful. I respectfully invite readers to revisit my article Blame it on Rio. In this article I discuss the success of East German female athletes and systemic doping. Throwing a hammer in track and field is not a lucrative pursuit. Using a similar motion and steroids in baseball is a multi-billion dollar enterprise.

The balls hit by Bonds, many out of the ballpark, are collectors’ items. Millions of dollars can change hands for a baseball from a famous player or a famous series. In regard to Bonds, an online poll came to the conclusions that his baseballs from that time of cheating should be marked with an asterisk.

Mr Larkin argues that titles won during the DOS/VSS years and subsequent EBT years should be denoted by an asterix on the SPFL website. Quite incredibly some lunatics are prepared to murder Mr Larkin to silence him.

When I awoke this morning and logged-on, my steam-age laptop stated that it was the 21st September 2016. In 1685-1815 there was a movement referred to by its participants as the Age of Reason, or simply the Enlightenment. Did they miss a beat in 1690? Have we returned to The Dark Ages when we consider Rangers?  In the more than three centuries that have elapsed since the inception of the Age Of Reason, is it reasonable to accept the assassination of an individual who truthfully asserts that Rangers cheated to win many of their historical titles and that these should be denoted by an asterisk?

Football is an entertainment, a pastime. It’s not a religion or a matter of life and death. Will those who have threatened the life of Mr Larkin also pursue the successors of  René Goscinny (stories) and Albert Uderzo (illustrations) the joint creators of Asterix The Gaul?

I started this article in comedy and ended it in farce, however for Mr Larkin it is no laughing matter.

No Nonsense

“So, you think you know Joey Barton. Think again. No Nonsense is a game-changing autobiography which will redefine the most fascinating figure in British football. It is the raw yet redemptive story of a man shaped by rejection and the consequences of his mistakes. He has represented England, and been a pivotal player for Manchester City, Newcastle United, Queens Park Rangers, Marseille, Burnley and now Glasgow Rangers, but his career has featured recurring controversy. The low point of being sent to prison for assault in 2008 proved to be the catalyst for the re-evaluation of his life.
No Nonsense reflects Barton’s character – it is candid, challenging, entertaining and intelligent. He does not spare himself, in revealing the formative influences of a tough upbringing in Liverpool, and gives a survivor’s insight into a game which, to use his phrase, ‘eats people alive’. The book is emotionally driven, and explains how he has redirected his energies since the birth of his children. In addition to dealing with his past, he expands on his plans for the future. The millions who follow his commentaries on social media, and those who witnessed him on BBC’s Question Time, will be given another reason to pause, and look beyond the caricature.”

No Nonsense


Forgive me for raining on Joey Barton’s parade and the well-chosen words of his publicist, but referring to your line manager as a ‘Clueless C**t’  is categorised as a Career Limiting Decision. Asserting to Warburton-on-sea that ‘the truth fucking hurts‘ is not likely to win hearts and minds.

Had Warburton-on-sea not been seen to discipline Barton, he would have lost the dressing room. The shyster board of convicted criminals and participants in the dark arts, issued the following statement:

“JOEY BARTON has today been suspended by the club and will not return to Ibrox or Auchenhowie for a period of three weeks.The manager, Mark Warburton, and club believe that time and space is required for both the club and the player to assess all that has happened.Neither party will make any further statement or comment on this issue.”

The SMSM will be gathering for a lunch this week to slap each other on the back for another year of shrinking sales and expanding waistlines. Only three of their number, namely English, Forsyth and Spiers, can call themselves journalists. I listened to the former opine on Talksport that we would not see Barton in a Rangers shirt ever again. He cogently argued that Barton is a divisive figure who is undermining the morale of the other players. English stated that the fans would turn against him. Others have suggested that he has three weeks to find another club who are willing to sign him in January and allow him to train with them for the best part of three long months. Barton has not been banished to the reserves as no such construct exists at Auchenhowie. He has not been assigned to the underperforming youth team who are currently languishing in eighth position in their respective division.

Would Barton argue that he held up a full length mirror to Warburton and caught Brendan Rodgers pulling his pants down (Chris Sutton TM)?  The 1-5 reverse at Celtic Park was a watershed for Warburton. Everyone other than those with one eye on their Rangers demographic, notably Ralston and Jack, or those who hid behind their chaise longue with ‘aye loyal’ cushions on each ear, could see it coming. Suffice to say that Garner, Dodoo and the Geriatricos have not added value to a competent Scottish Championship level squad. The ‘going for 55‘ rhetoric was replaced with 5 goals and a four point deficit. Nine points from five games, three of them at home, are not the portent of champions.

The road to Rangers redemption would be a long one. Four weeks without training at Barton’s age would require a similar amount of time to regain his athleticism. Given his performances to date his local fire-brigade can continue to play volleyball safe in the knowledge that they won’t have to douse any heather fires. Keeping quiet, when he is booked to appear on Radio Five and Talksport to promote his autobiography, might be somewhat difficult for a man who is fond of his own voice. To compound his difficulties, the following Press Association release is adding fuel to those building a Barton pyre:

“The Scottish Football Association and the Gambling Commission are looking into claims that the 34-year-old bet on Celtic to suffer a heavy defeat to Barcelona last Tuesday night. Brendan Rodgers’ side lost 7-0 in their Champions League Group C opener in the Nou Camp.The SFA has a strict no-betting policy on football games and if found guilty Barton could face a ban.”

A cynic might suggest that this has been engineered by Rangers. Did they reveal some dressing room Tic- tac tittle-tattle in a call to Regan’s office?  Did someone inadvertently drop a betting-slip on the table in one of their cosy private dinners at Hotel Du Vin? I’m not persuaded by the idea of  Barton doing a passable impersonation of Harry Enfield’s  ‘Loadsamoney‘ character in the Auchenhowie dressing-room. Has someone betting-shopped him? Never let it be said that a Rangers player did not find a Barcelona mauling of Celtic to be nothing if not rewarding

When one looks back on Barton’s career, it’s like rubbernecking on a pile-up on the M6 motorway. It’s an appalling canon of violence where some of the most vicious of his assaults have been visited upon team-mates. He was eventually sent to prison for repeatedly punching a drunk man as he lay unconscious on a fast-food outlet’s concourse. After the savage beating Barton, showing his class, emptied the unconscious man’s food over his head. If this is what passes for a marquee signing with the criminals who run Rangers, they should not be surprised if we pitch our tent elsewhere. Barton is an unrecontructed thug. He is not a misunderstood loveable rogue. Stubbing a cigar out in someone’s eye might pass for banter in The Louden Tavern, but not in my local where the FP rugby team would have him on his back before depositing him in the gutter where he belongs. I trust that I did not sit on the fence there?

Did football occasionally break out? I recall him being sent off after 66 minutes and effectively handing the English Premiership to Manchester City in 2012. City was reeling against a QPR team who were fighting against relegation. QPR’s manager, Mark Hughes, a former legend at United, looked to have the measure of City until his captain Barton put paid to his best laid plans with a triple assault on his former team-mates at City. QPR were lucky to survive relegation. Mark Hughes was spitting blood. He vowed that Barton would never play for him again and true to his word he arranged for him to be loaned to Marseille. City won the game and the title on goal difference.

Barton was punished with a 12-match ban and fined £75,000 by a Football Association-appointed independent regulatory commission after being dismissed for elbowing Carlos Tevez, then kicking out at Sergio Aguero as he left the pitch, before aiming a headbutt in the direction of Vincent Kompany. Following their own internal investigation, QPR imposed further sanctions and warned Barton his contract would be terminated for any further transgressions.A cursory glance at Barton’s timeline is revealing:

  1. Born Huyton, Merseyside, September 2, 1982.
  2. Makes Manchester City debut in 2003 in a 2-0 defeat at Bolton.
  3. 2005: May – Barton breaks the leg of 35-year-old pedestrian while driving his car at 2am in Liverpool city centre.
  4. July 22, 2005 – Involved in an altercation with a 15-year-old Everton fan at City’s team hotel in Bangkok, where the team are playing in the FA Premier League Trophy.
  5. July 27, 2005 – Fined eight weeks’ wages by City after being found guilty of gross misconduct in the Bangkok incident. Agrees to undertake a programme of rehabilitation.
  6. September 30, 2006 – Drops his shorts in direction of Everton fans following City’s 1-1 draw at Goodison Park. Later charged by the Football Association over the incident and fined £2,000.
  7. May 1, 2007 – Suspended by City for the rest of the season after training-ground altercation with Ousmane Dabo.
  8.  July 2008 : Following his sale to Newcastle United he is criticised by manager Kevin Keegan for causing a mass brawl in a pre-season friendly at Doncaster.
  9. December 28, 2007 – Charged with common assault and affray and refused bail after being arrested in Liverpool city centre the previous day.
  10.  January 3, 2008: Released from custody after being granted bail.
  11. May 20, 2008 – Admits assault and affray and is jailed for six months at Liverpool Crown Court.
  12. July 1, 2008 – Receives four-month suspended sentence for assaulting Dabo.
  13. July 28, 2008 – Released on remand from prison.
  14. September 5, 2008 – Banned by the FA for 12 matches – six of which are suspended – and fined £25,000 after admitting violent conduct charge in relation to Dabo incident.


Forgive me if I demur on his publicist’s claims that we don’t know Barton. His catalogue of violence has been well-documented. Tales might be spun about how he assisted Mother Theresa in her leper colony in Calcutta, but no-one will be buying this publisher’s rinse.

Will Barton play for Rangers again? I would not bet on it.




The 21st Century Illuminati

As I celebrate the first anniversary of this site, the first question to ask is why do I do it. The initial question I asked of one of the RSL co-founders was why are all the accomplished writers on the Rangers narrative from the Celtic side of the divide? Writers such as Phil Macgiollabhain, Brogan Rogan Trevino, The Clumpany, James Forrest and Paul Brennan. I’m not a Celtic supporter and after a year of writing this blog, I find any support I may have had for Rangers very difficult to sustain. The more I write the more neutral I become. I would prefer to sit on the fence. Hence my moniker. Those who read this site are aware that this moniker is a paradox as I take on every agenda head-on without fear or favour. I have gone where the aforementioned names feared to tread. I challenged reporting restrictions. This has resulted in this site being discussed in the chambers of the Scottish Judiciary.

To be truly influential, a blog should have ‘exclusives’  which leads me to the first of my five names, Phil Macgiollabhain. He exclusively revealed that Dave King sat down with Mike Ashley and attempted to sell his equity in RIFC to him. What passes for the Scottish Main Stream Media ignored this story as it did not fit with a carefully created narrative that was being crafted by Messrs Traynor & Kerr of Level 5. At this point I realized that everything printed in Scotland is tarnished by its association with a hired Rangers-facing PR agency, that is owned and operated by two former Rangers press officers. Phil Mac’s exclusive actually set Dave King free as it was used in court by his counsel who argued that his interview with Jim White was not a breach of a confidentiality agreement as the information was in the public domain. Keith Jackass, the bumped-up bagel boy of The Daily Record who is a stranger to tertiary education, ran with Phil Mac’s exclusive and received plaudits. Jackass has dined out on Phil Mac’s insights for years. Phil Mac received the brickbats. It is for this reason that I’m voting for Phil Macgollabhain in the ‘influencer‘ category of the UK Football Blogging Awards.  Keith Jackass won The 2016 Scottish Sports Writer of the Year Award by openly plagiarizing the work of others. Those who write blogs are dismissed by the press as internet bampots but deep down they know that they are The 21st Century’s Illuminati. 

This site has featured several major exclusives:

  1. I revealed exclusively that Dave King procured the misappropriated data of William Stevenson for a sum of £25,000, and aided and abetted by Paul Murray, leaked and manufactured confidential material on a Twitter site that was formerly owned by Stevenson, namely Charlotte Fakeovers, to undermine Charles Green’s regime at Rangers. Green’s bid of £5.5m for the assets was more than three times the derisory bid of £1.7m by Kennedy/King/Murray’s Blue Knights. Two of the losing bidders subverted the narrative to take control at Ibrox.
  2. I revealed exclusively that the connectors of three stands at Ibrox are so worn that the roofs are unsafe. They must be lifted and replaced.
  3. I revealed exclusive details of what became known as The Fraudco Hearings. I was so well-informed that one of the defendants, Charles Green, not only praised my accuracy but could not understand how one individual who was not an active participant in the hearings could be so well-informed.
  4. I confirmed a 2013 narrative that alleged that former senior police officers of Strathclyde Police, who were employed as Heads of Security at Rangers, received information from current serving officers to undermine the activities of HMRC with a view to derailing their inquiry into tax evasion. This implicates a knight of the realm, Sir David Murray, in the black arts.
  5. I exclusively revealed that Paul Murray met Brian Kennedy at the latter’s Manchester office to desperately solicit funds to keep the lights on at Ibrox.
  6. David Whitehouse and Paul Clark’s data was seized illegally by Police Scotland and then ruled inadmissible. They are both pursuing Police Scotland on illegal detention charges.


Dave King and Paul Murray


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The exclusivity of this information has attracted 1,213,314  individual visits to this siteAs these individuals have read more than one blog, the number of hits is currently north of 6.5 million. These individuals who read and re-read my articles were also drawn by their own words, expressed in 18,500 comments. This forum, in the opinion of many, has a comment section without peer on social and mainstream media. The success of this site is the synergy of an author and his educated and informed contributors. As is the case with football clubs, this site would be nothing without its loyal support and their voice. It is their site. I am their humble servant who moderates their words and provides them with a safe and respected platform for their insights and perspectives.


The following illustration is an oil painting by the polymath Amy Stewart. She is the New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including Girl Waits with Gun and The Drunken Botanist:

Rogue's Gallery

This oil on canvas features the mug shots of gangsters and other assorted criminals including Al Capone, Whitey Bulger, and John Dillinger, as well as some anonymous mugshots and press photos from the black-and-white era.

Rather than portray ordinary criminals, Amy Stewart chose to paint modern-day gangsters — the white-collar criminals who destroyed lives, communities, and entire economies in the pursuit of even greater riches than they already had, including Bernie Madoff, Kenneth Lay, and  Charles Hurwitz.

David Cunningham King is not included in this Rogues’ Gallery, but as a career white-collar criminal, his mug shot should be included.

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King does not care who he rips off. An orphanage’s money is as good as any other, as was the case with his frauds in regard to the six largest clearing banks in South Africa. He bought a painting by  Irma Stern for  1.7m South African Rand in 2000. In his tax returns for that year he claimed that he had earned less than £5,000 and should no longer be considered for tax. He was eventually convicted of 41 criminal counts of tax evasion and if he had not paid north of £44m in fines and taxes he would have been sent to prison for 82 years. When he was applying to the SFA to be considered as a ‘fit & proper’  director of The Rangers Football Club Ltd, he was serving a suspended sentence for contempt of court. He lied in court on numerous occasions to avoid the sequestration of his assets. He bribed a tax official. He had enlisted the support of a local underworld figure to intimidate witnesses not to testify against him when he faced racketeering charges.These charges were just one of 324 that he has faced in his four decades as a white-collar criminal. King is unique in being the only individual in living memory to be vetoed as a director of an SFA member club.

However Level 5 briefed everyone that he had been approved, with the BBC quick to relay their spin to the masses. It took a court case to force the SFA to reveal the truth.

King is the architect of The Fraudco Hearings. He created the conspiracy of collusion between Green and Whyte. He and Murray illegally undermined successive Ibrox regimes and drove the equity off a cliff so that he and his associates could buy a controlling interest for a song. He and Murray committed so many infractions of the Computer Misuse & Communications Act and Share Manipulation statutes that they should both be behind bars. Incredibly, King created a false narrative, set Police Scotland on a multi-million pound wild goose chase and provided DCI Robertson and his team with his £25,000 misappropriated data to prosecute seven innocent men, six of whom who have walked away free of all charges.

King is the villain of this piece, even though Jim Keegan’s stupefying ineptitude and Robertson’s illegal searches have captured my headlines. If you relied on the press you would not know that six of the defendants were innocent of all charges and that the indictments against Whyte have led to more redrafting of charges than was the case at Nuremberg.

I have also featured other miscarriages of justice including that of Ched Evans https://johnjamessite.com/2016/04/21/moral-turpitude-iii/ and an article on the abuse of privacy statutes  https://johnjamessite.com/2016/04/26/moral-turpitude-iv/  where a barrister arrested for an act of public indecency later claimed that she was a victim of a sexual assault to protect her anonymity and career, and throw her married consort to the wolves. My article on the iniquities of the family court system that demonizes fathers and forces them to become disenfranchised from their children https://johnjamessite.com/2016/04/22/cafcass/   resulted in the often harrowing accounts of so many fathers who were provided with a voice for the first time.

I wrote an obituary for Muhammad Ali   https://johnjamessite.com/2016/06/05/muhammad-ali-1942-2016/

and called out drug cheats in https://johnjamessite.com/2016/07/28/blame-it-on-rio/

I have exposed the fawning Rangers-facing Scottish Press, who if their generous expenses budgets would allow it, would use the Hadron Collider to find a micro-positive particle on Rangers. https://johnjamessite.com/2016/04/12/chris-jack-believe-it-or-not/

Image result for higgs boson and hadron collider

I have also engaged in the excoriating criticism of Tony Blair who lied to the UK to engage in an illegal war, and when not engaging in adulterous affairs with other men’s wives is now milking the despots that he met as a peace envoy to enrich himself. Blair is a sociopathic champagne socialist with a serious twist: https://johnjamessite.com/2016/07/07/the-great-blair-ego-hunt/


I have also created ‘ the biting satire in the velvet gloves’ that is framed in the fictitious correspondence of Teddy and Lady Bear in the Dear JJ articles:


This article features a mock interview by Jim White:

Image result for Images of Jim White
“Is my seductive yellow tie getting through to you?”


I have never pulled my punches. Thank you to all of you who shared the journey with me.


Forces Day At Ibrox

Dear JJ,

I’m writing to you from the roof terrace of our wonderful hotel in Munich. The Mandarin Oriental was a former opera house in the late nineteenth century which has been sensitively restored and lovingly remodelled to maintain its architectural magnificence. With fourteen main tents to choose from, and twenty-one minor tents, Lady Bear and I decided to have a shot of Schnapps in each of the major tents, and explore the minor category tomorrow. We finally settled in The Marstall Tent, which in our opinion was the most classy establishment. Lady Bear and I will always aspire to Stay Classy whether at home or abroad.

  The front of the Marstall tent., Copyright Oktoberfest.de

You’ll be glad to hear that Lady Bear has recovered from her Celtic Park funk and is currently luxuriating in a rose petal bath in the Spa. She sends her love and congratulations on the first anniversary of your site. I have not broken the Ross County score to her yet as I don’t want Warburton-on-sea to rain on our München parade, particularly as Lady Bear has laid out what I refer to as her Red 32 negligee on our suite’s four-poster bed.

As you know it was our anniversary recently (thank you for the silver fish knives) and in our exchange of personal gifts, I chose an iPhone 7 for Lady Bear, which I borrowed to catch up on the scores on the World Service. As I engaged in some silver-surfing  I encountered an interview of Warburton-on-sea by Jim White.


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“I’m going to punch you in the ovaries.”


Is there any truth in the rumour that he left Sky Sports as he could not bear having a female co-anchor, as was the case in Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy?  As I recall, the interview, which was broadcast on talkSPORT, went as follows:

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“Mark, why are you so good? I always loved Forces Day at Ibrox. The abseiling and the sectarian paratroopers were my personal favourites. You can almost smell the cordite in the air. On the topic of armaments, what’s your take on the Loose Cannon, Joey Barton?”

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” Jim, I know you’re a true blue but as I told your producer, I won’t be responding to any questions on Joey Barton. It’s a disciplinary matter that is being dealt with internally.”

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“Mark I have just been handed a call from Joey. He said that you are a Clueless C-asterix-asterix- T, rhymes with stunt. Do you have any comment to make on his assertion?”

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“Jim, don’t be disrespectful. I was expecting a dignified Q&A on the Ross County game.” 

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“Mark, as I turn my thoughts to your midfield today, did you not think it lacked a little bite?”

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” Are you referring to Luis Suarez? I think you’re confusing your Galacticos with my Geriatricos. Try to keep up Jim.”

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“My yellow tie foreplay is a big hit with the girls.”

” Reverting to the abseiling, will Joey be making a special entrance at Auchenhowie on Monday?”

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“Mark come back, I was hoping to discuss your plan B, for Barton,  Mark…. Can someone get me Brendan Rodgers on the line to talk about Barton?”


The interview tailed off. I entered the BBC Scotland website looking for some respite.Their Rangers correspondents, Tricky Dicky ‘Do you want to buy some equity‘ Wilson and Kenny ‘Rangers Selfie‘ MacIntyre, were also discussing Joey Bloody Barton. What about St Johnstone who beat Hearts and are now sitting third in the table, a point ahead of Rangers?  Is radio in Scotland akin to the FM stations set up by well-heeled hippies in 1970s America who insisted that a Led Zeppelin track was played every hour? Come to think of it, I can see parallels between Led Zeppelin and Warburton-on-sea’s Rangers as the ‘Communication Breakdown‘ continues to  ‘Ramble On’ between Barton and the club.

I must sign off now as Kenny Macintyre is rabbiting on about his collection of EBT Selfies. One could ‘posit’ that the Radio in Scotland has gone from BadenBaden  to worse.

Congratulations again on your site. 6.5m hits in twelve months is no mean feat.Lady Bear and I have voted for you in The New Blog Category, Best Football Account Category and The Judges consideration category.

Good Luck JJ,

Yours In Rangers,

Edward (Teddy) Bear Esquire,

Neuturmstraße 1, 80331 München, Germany



Dear Teddy.

Thank you for taking some time out from the Oompah bands in Munich. Lady Bear did not miss a beat as she joined in on the fun. Although I understand that her ‘Hello Hello‘ was somewhat lost in translation.

Image result for images of oompah bands

Joey Barton, who went missing at Celtic Park last week,

now seems to be ubiquitous. Given the he was a ‘marquee’ signing, does he not have his own tent at The Beer Festival? When you and Lady Bear do the rounds of the minor tents tomorrow, my readers would appreciate a selfie of Joey in lederhosen and a Bad Homburg.

When one thinks of Forces Days in the past our thoughts revert to what Donald Findlay referred to as ’90 minute bigots.’  I prefer to think of it as a ‘Bigots’ Busman’s Holiday.’   

I fail to see the connection between Afghanistan and Ibrox. Are UEFA planning to co-opt another Middle Eastern country as they expand their remit?  Surely the majority of Rangers players are too old for active service?  Clint Hill is only two years short of the age where one is considered for the Home Guard, with Kenny Miller on his coat tails

Warburton has signed an army of somewhat seasoned players. I wonder whether he has a cunning plan?

There are those who consider our coach a dead-man-walking but that’s those pesky CFC supporters for you with their zombie fixation. Pay them no heed.

There are those who believe that the straitened board are attempting to cancel Barton’s contract due to his less than stellar performances in midfield. He’s slower than creeping arthritis. There is talk of ‘Gross Moral Turpitude’ and ‘Linguistic Cunning Stunts’ but surely when it comes to Barton,  the warnings are as old as the Latin: Caveat Emptor?

Yours in Rangers,



Warburton’s Geriatricos & His Horrendum Sabbati

It took two hours to go through my ‘post bag’ of comments this morning. There were so many that I did not have time to edit out the typos. Some of the pedants/detractors who read this site are always quick to point out mine. I have a committed phalanx of sub-editors. Yesterday there were 15,171 visitors to my site. As they looked at a number of articles at different times, yesterday’s hits were an encouraging 36,711. The total hits for this site, which will be one year old tomorrow, is currently 6,471,794. I introduced a widget which displays hits at the same time that I introduced the Paypal button as I wanted to add visibility to this site. I have approved 18,610 comments, which has been no mean feat. If you are a reasonable man or woman, you have a voice on this site. As I look around at other sites and those forums that are hosted by newspapers, it is my considered opinion that the comments on this site are superior to those of their peers.I congratulate all of you who have shared this journey with me. As I’m in a magnanimous mood, I welcome back Timabhuoy who I banned from the site due to an offensive avatar. He was kind enough to make a modest donation to the upkeep of this site and took advantage of the Paypal facility which allows my donors to make a small personal comment. I read all of them. I trust he will take advantage of his amnesty.

I digress. This week has apparently been the worst  Horrendum Sabbati that Warburton-at-sea has had to endure. If he does not get his act together soon, sideline the Geriatricos and put faith in his young players, it will be an Annus Horribilis. My article on Celtic elicited 112 measured and informed comments.The consensus of opinion was that CFC’s governance is doing a good job, but there were some reservations to the seven-figure sum that Mr Lawwell earned. My article was accurate, well-researched, information-rich and balanced. I set the same standard for all articles. I am, by far, my own worst critic.

The UK Football Blogging awards have captured the imagination of many, but I find myself in the same position as Hibs are in the entertainment that is Scottish football. I’m well supported and I like to think that I have a good manager. I have some excellent commenters on the field and a prolific striker, The Mensch, who finds the net more often than Jason Cummings. However when compared to The Green Ticket of Phil Mac and The Clumpany, The Donegal Duopoly, I am very much a provincial club.

It would appear that no matter how well I write, how hard I try, I will never live down the fact that my father took me to Ibrox when I was a boy of four years old. I could just as easily have been taken to Celtic Park by my mother if she had been a football supporter. As a man I put away childish things but maintained my love for football. Those wishing to challenge the green tide may do so by following this link:  https://johnjamessite.com/2016/09/14/john-james-world-established-1992015/

I have received a number of surprising comments that have accused me of only approving comments from those who financially support their site. Allow me to disabuse them of this ridiculous notion. I made my first foray into Paypal at the end of July. I approved north of 16,000 comments prior to Paypal’s introduction. Other sites, such as those of Phil Mac and CQN, have long been supported by Paypal contributions. Other sites favour a subscription model. I’m not persuaded by the subscription model at this time as I don’t want this site to be the exclusive preserve of a moneyed elite. For many the comments are more attractive than my leading articles. I get it and wholeheartedly support it.

I received the following very encouraging comment from Tony C, which readers can find approved on the Oktoberfest article:

“I think JJ there are a few of us who are contributing on a monthly basis.
I am unhappy there are so few but please don’t be resigned. You have only asked for financial support recently, so give it time. I appreciate the quality of your work deserves better, but stick in. If I need to double my contribution I will. Whatever the result of the awards.. I know this site is class.drive on.”

I went out of my way to put Tony, who had two spare tickets for the Barcelona v Celtic game, and Peter, together. The latter took his wife to the game as part of a short vacation in the city where Antoni Gaudi introduced Catalan Modernism. If football, sun, sea, culture and stunning architecture are as important to you as they are to me, it’s difficult to better Barcelona.

In response to Tony’s comment, I can count the monthly recurring contributions on the fingers of one hand. They typically range from £1-£2.50, which is not the case with Tony’s contribution. No matter how modest, I congratulate those who have made this effort. Their recurring donations have been much appreciated and have been received with thanks. There are those who have requested an indication of the level of contribution, and those who have offered a solution. This solution involves withdrawing the money spent on failing organs such as The Daily Record, where you can subscribe for £26.97 per month, and donating this amount to this much better informed site. The idea has not caught on but I live in hope. However I would highlight that some of my most prolific commenters, one of whom posts up to three comments on each article, do not see fit to contribute anything. I can but hope that this reflects more on their straitened circumstances than the quality of this site. They continue to be most welcome. All I would ask of them is that they don’t buy this odious organ. Would the jumped-up bagel boy, Keith Jackass, be so arrogant if he found himself on the dole? I would value his demise more highly than any contribution.

I apologize to readers for the length of my  preface to this article, which pertains to the ‘deep depression‘ of Warburton-at-sea.  It has not been a good week for the Wizard of Edmiston Drive as the fallout from the loss to Celtic envelops Warburton-at-sea like a nuclear winter. When he invited players to have a frank exchange of views he did not expect Joey Barton to allegedly opine that he was a ‘Clueless Cunt.’  

Image result for images of Warburton and his magic hat

I’m not fond of the C word. I will only revert to it when its use is unavoidable, as is the case of a verbatim quote. Barton’s expulsion is just the tip of a divided dressing-room iceberg. The majority of players don’t rate The Geriatricos and are jealous of their compensation packages. With the player payroll budget running to north of £12m, the renascent Rangers should be guaranteed a solid second to Celtic. Money more often than not is king in football performance. However eight points from five games, and the humiliation at Celtic Park, has resulted in Warburton-at-sea reaching for Dean Windass’ paracetemol.


Despite Warburton’s best efforts to dismiss the reverse to Celtic, asserting that it was more 1-3 than 1-5 in his eyes, he is kidding no-one, least of all his club’s support and the holding company directors. Some of the latter group did not think that he would return after The Scottish Cup Final. One unattributed director was overheard tearing a strip off Warburton, thus:

“You beat Celtic, but you couldn’t beat fucking Hibs. You’re a disgrace.”

I have no reason to doubt a source who informed me that Warburton’s face turned red as the directors lined up to give him a verbal ‘ear-bashing.’ No matter how horrendous this week, it cannot compare to the savage excoriation dealt out by the directors after The Scottish Cup Final. Did King actually state : I did not hire you, and on that disgraceful showing I would not have appointed you.  Bomber Brown, who made his feelings known to Warburton in his own inimitable fashion, briefed the press that he may not return. The abuse was high on rhetoric and octane as Warburton’s team’s performance was razed to the ground. Warburton did not answer back. He just stood rooted to the spot like an errant schoolboy who had just received six of the best.

Warburton-at-sea has requested patience. He has asked for time to blend his Geriatricos with his more youthful Scottish Championship level squad, such as the sprightly Kenny Miller who is a mere slip of a lad at 37. Warburton has requested that he is judged in May. May I offer a word to the wise Mark. If you should lose to Ross County today at Ibrox and Aberdeen at Pittodrie on September 25, the only way you will last until May is if the SMSM conspire to change The Gregorian Calendar to create a scenario where May follows September.

Despite the best efforts to change the agenda at the Level 5 Pravda – The Evening Times, with Chris Union Jack on hand to publish some homespun yarns about Forces season ticket discounts, fresh from the Blythswood Square velodrome, the clock is ticking on Warburton’s tenure. If he thinks the mood is ‘poisonous‘ now, just wait until he sees Halloween Houston and Temazepam Chugg with their pitchforks and torches in their hands. If he thinks they are engaging in some early ‘Guising’, think again.