Should I be flattered when Martin Williams of The Herald takes my exclusive of four days ago (JJ passim: Show me the money!) and reproduces this:
“Rangers chief’s South Africa investment firm in deal to sell off most of its financial services wing.”
Did Williams think that no-one would notice his unabashed plagiarism? Think again. It was brought to my attention by E-Tims and others. This is not a social media backwater like the SFM, Mr.Williams. On your next visit (are you ever away?) have a look at the hits counter. It’s fast approaching 9m. My reach on WordPress is global. Your organ’s West Central Scotland readership of 66,000, with a smattering of sales in other Scottish regions, on a par with the attendance of a Shinty game, proves that you are still a provincial newspaper that has dropped the pretence of being a respected U.K. Broadsheet. It must have stung to have been excluded from the M.O.D briefings on The Falklands conflict in 1982 and dismissed as a regional paper of minor import. Changing your title from The Glasgow Herald to The Herald fooled no-one. It was the same tired old hacks without an original thought in their heads churning out blue turds that had been buffed to perfection. If you must rip off my work Mr Williams, have the common courtesy of name checking your source. I have caught you on two occasions. If there is a third, I will write an open letter to your editor and inquire why he pays you to pass off other people’s work as your own.
You are much more effective on Twitter despite the challenges of stretching your limp copy to 140 characters. Your ‘twisted blood’ when attempting to pass off your continuation myth – the Engine Room Subsidiary theory – was comedy gold. Was your Engine Room Subsidiary a private limited company or the ethereal concept that was laughed out of court? As Charles Green’s counsel clearly stated, his client bought a basket of assets from a distressed company that is being liquidated. He did not buy Rangers or more risibly its history. The idea of Rangers continuing is for the birds. Your grubby title’s ABC 1 readership has fallen off a cliff. You will find them here, on my site. Why wait for your poor late facsimile of my work when one can read it here first hand? Do you offer free access to the unwaged as I do? Of course not. Every pound is a prisoner at The Herald Group.
Matt Lindsay, your partner in crime, is so far up Jim Traynor’s arse that he can smell Jim’s haemorrhoids cream. As opposed to Williams’ Thief Football Writer tag, Lindsay calls himself a ‘Chief’ Football Writer. The use of ‘chief’ suggests that Lindsay has been passed over for promotion and also missed out on a salary hike. It’s what the penny-pinching Herald do best. Chris Jack was handed the title of chief when he was in an incubator for prematurely born babies. In some parts of the South East, chief is an epithet for ‘wanker.’ How apposite. This is what passes for sports copy From Lindsay at The Herald
“Rangers v Motherwell Scottish Cup tickets available next week
22 Dec 2016 / Matthew Lindsay, Chief Football Writer / @MattLindsayHT
RANGERS supporters can buy tickets for the William Hill Scottish Cup game against Motherwell from Tuesday, December 27.
The fourth round match between the Ladbrokes Premiership rivals will kick-off at Ibrox at 12.30pm on Saturday, January 21.
Season ticket holders will have until Thursday, January 5, to buy their own seat. A full public sale will commence on Friday, January 6.
Tickets cost £20 for adults, £15 for concessions and £7 for juniors and can be purchased by calling the ticket hotline on 0871 702 1972 or by going to the Rangers Ticket Centre.”
This is an infomercial for Rangers. Did Lindsay owe Traynor a favour, or is this booked revenue? We realise that Rangers will struggle to make payroll this month but this takes cheerleading to the fifth level. Lindsay is not just cutting BFDJ’s grass, he is mowing his lawn.
Meanwhile in the tabloids, the Winter Break has led to a renascence of the silly season. I almost spluttered my world-class cereal ( Sultana Bran with reconstituted oat husks, Soya macrobiotic milk and a chopped organically grown West Indies banana – eat your heart out Auchenhowie) when I read the following from the ‘Aye Pish’ Rectum’s Keith Jackson:
“First Ronaldo Then Rangers.”
This Tweet was so irritating that it was sponsored by Canesten.
In one fell swoop, continuing the thrush metaphor, Jackson managed to introduce a picture of Ronaldo into his piece on Toral, whom he described as the on-loan Arsenal ace, despite this ace never having played for the Arsenal first team. But when did the facts matter when you can shine a Toral turd and pass it off as an ace. Rangers have as much connection to Ronaldo as I have an invitation to a party in Rihanna’s panties. Will the latest Rangers crock report immediately to sick bay, or will he drop by the Chelsea Pensioners Club for some bon mots from Hill and Miller?
Let’s hope Rangers can ensure that Toral has an evening meal and does not play pass the parcel around the approved (Must have portraits of King Billy in a gay wig and Her Majesty on display) blue b&b as was the case with a ‘Spurs ace.’
Meanwhile El Warbiola has jetted out to Spain to speak with a play maker, and ended up talking to a paella maker. It was an easy mistake to make on the Desperate Dan-Air flight.
The SMSM are besides themselves trying to put lipstick on the Rangers’ squad pigs. They have even bandied about figures such as £2m for Kiernan. I am as fond of a good jape as any, but I would not pay more than a pound for every point of his BMI index, and even then I would feel short-changed.
West Ham have tabled a bid of £20m for Dembele. If this were accepted the CFC fans would tear up Peter Lawwell’s heated driveway brick by brick (or slab by slab for the Sitonfence pedants – good of you to look in.)
Rangers are introducing a buy one get one free happy hour in January. If you order McKay between 6-8 p.m. you get Senderos free.
Somehow I cannot envisage the Thief Football Writer running with this gag, but no-one would have to colour me surprised if Williams’ next piece was on Julian Assange.