The Loan Rangers

Prior to publishing this article I take pause to acknowledge that this site will have earned 9,000,000 hits by midnight tonight, which is no mean feat for one man in exile. However this site’s success would not be possible without the support of my generous sponsors, the readers, and their ever eloquent comments that as I write are fast approaching 24,000. We have come a long way since a couple of rag – tag Rangers fans commented on my first blog. Here’s to the next 9m hits and 50,000 comments.

All conflations fit into one of two major categories: “congruent” conflations and “incongruent” conflations. Incongruent conflation occurs when the root expressions do not mean the same thing, but share a common word or theme. For example Emerson Hyndman is known to shave of a morning. Andrea Pirlo also favours a beard trim. Other than this and the basic ablutions of Homo Sapiens  they have nothing in common. Maybe Andrea Pirlo’s number twos are what Kevin Bridges refers to as ‘wee ghosties‘ and hit the u-bend like a skeleton bobsleigh on the Cresta run; whereas Emerson, benefitting from the World Class breakfasts at Auchenhowie , is in and out of the traps with the speed of a downhill racer with dysentery. Even my improbably far-fetched Winter Sports ablutions connection would be perfectly acceptable at the SMSM. They would turn tricks to solicit the blue pound.

The Level 5 Squirrel, Sevcon 1, is airborne. The loans must be ramped up to deflect from the conspicuous absence of King’s £30m. King promised gold but provided Caramac wrappers.

In popular culture, identities are sometimes intentionally conflated. In the early 2000s, the popular American actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were dating, and the tabloid press referred to them playfully as a third entity, Bennifer.

Should we refer to Emerson Hyndman as PishPirlo or maybe Emeritus of Pishery?

No-one does humorous conflation better than Keith Jackson at the Rectum (Real Arseholes Read The Rectum).   

Keith had John Toral conflated with Christiano Ronaldo. Toral was on loan at Granada, who were slated to play Real Madrid. This gave rise to Jackson’s infamous:

Rangers must wait until I play Ronaldo.

However this University of Pishery doctorate dissertation did not pass muster when Toral was left on the bench and was last seen applying WD 40 to his knees.

The following headline was ready for publication under Jackson’s byline:

Jota to give Brown his jotters.

But sadly his alliterative squirrel had the appeal of a soiled toilet brush when Jota told Warburton to go polish his own turds as he was heading back to Brentford. Have the facsimile club sank so low that Brentford is preferred to Rangers?  Was a ‘haddock’  fish supper and a bottle of Irn Bru not up to Jota’s tapas standards? Rumours that Warburton flew with Jet Airways so that Jota could ‘jet in’ are probably unfounded.

The gap is 19 points going on 22. The laughter at Celtic Park could be composed into a 1922 Overture.  At times like this, who better to turn to than The Cardigan.

Walter would have King spend as much as possible to prevent the calamity of 10 in a row. Smith’s EBT fuelled juggernaut delivered 9 in a row with bursts of dual contracts nitrous oxide cheating. But then what’s a little subterfuge with friends like Jim Farry who was rumoured to drive his car and  masturbate using a Masonic grip. I believe he had a degree of auto-erotic satisfaction.

Sadly Walter, Uncle Dave is as bent as a counterfeit ten bob note. How he managed to sell Micromega Malfeasance beggars belief, but now that he has trousered the readies there’s more chance of him investing in Rangers than the Bishop of Scotland engaging in some ad hoc benediction at The Louden Arms (Real Paramilitaries Drink at The Louden).

Ten in a row is not only possible, it’s highly probable. Celtic are a ‘Harmony of the Seas’ supercruiser, whereas Rangers are a King’s Park pedalo powered by Oscar ‘I was bursting for a Greyfriar’s M’Lady’ Pistorius’ stumps.





50 thoughts on “The Loan Rangers”

  1. Everything’s ok jj.
    FF have a myriad of money raising schemes , including the famous square sausage one, for raising funds to donate to the ….eh company/club.
    Only problem is finding anyone honest enough to look after it and not trouser some for themselves.
    Administration fees, legal fees, louden tab fees.
    Good luck to them raising £3 million for this season let alone the other millions from previous 3 years. That seems to be getting overlooked.

  2. Rangers completed 9 in a row in 1997. EBT’s were from 2000 onwards. Anyone with a modicum of knowledge on this subject knows this.

    1. Rangers signed Maurice Johnston in 1989’with a tax free signing on fee. What artifice did they employ then? Were the EBT’s uncovered by Mark Daly just the tip of the iceberg? There are also EBT recipients that have yet to be disclosed.

      1. Can you provide any evidence of this tax free signing on fee? The fact you’re asking questions when you have no answers makes me think this is extremely wishful thinking.

      2. JJ, the Jock Stein stand is a cantilever structure (that has started to blow away); are you sure The structural report isn’t based on the structure at Celtic Park?

    2. Even before Murray introduced EBTs he was involved in a lot of tax evasion/avoidance schemes. Even Mo Johnston got a tax free bonus, what does that tell you?

      1. Were the contracts lodged with the SFA for registration of Gazza, Mols, Amorruso, Laudrop, etc….. reasonable salaries to bring them to Scottish backwater football, or are the salaries registered indicative that extra-contractual tax free payments were being made?

        It is highly suspect their nine in a row was halted in 97/98 and their admitted DOS tax malfeasance only started in 1998 thus keeping the nine in a row off the cheating Radar.

        They were at it.

        I raised this issue four years ago.

      2. “Gazza, Mols, Amorruso, Laudrop, etc….. reasonable salaries to bring them to Scottish backwater football,”

        Note to Journalists or 41 Association club chairmen: Ask the SFA for these contracts under freedom of information.

    3. I think you will find the ‘guilt admitted ‘ / wee tax case / DOS EBTS go back further Ie to ’98
      In addition to JJs points above I am certain I read from an interview published with the Mail several years back that Hugh Adam insinuated dual payments went way back into the 90s.Interestingly as he was under pressure a few years ago I am also sure CAmpbell Ogilvie asserted he stopped being involved in player negotiations and registrations in 1995 .
      WAs what Murray was up to ,who dealt with matters himself by then , got all got too toxic for CO by that point ? Why stop otherwise?

      When the Supreme Court concludes, as it should do ,that there was not just DOS EBT guilt and the already conceded 5 guilty EBT counts but 55 EBT counts all of tax evasion the 41 clubs should immediately demand a proper independent enquiry ( IE from outside of Scotland ) into every player registration at Ibrox from 1989
      ANy decent governing body would be obliged to carry that out as would happen in any other walk of life.
      The question that needs answering for closure for Everyone is just how far back and how deep did the cheating go ?
      IS it the case that the EBTs had they been managed properly were indeed as JJ questions just the tip of the iceberg and an attempt to legitimise what had gone on for years before with all the big fancy names OR per the currently accepted narrative and perceived wisdom that all this stuff was only started much later in response to CFCs reemergence ?
      These fundamental questions should really be answered .
      as we all know They won’t be as no one in any authority in football including CFC or the media in this country have the Guts to raise it for obvious 9IAR reasons .

      1. There were widespread stories of players queuing up to receive brown envelopes stuffed with cash and certainly not visible in the contracts lodged with the SFA nor HMRC.
        It was the younger Ferguson, a couple of years ago on radio who dropped the news of Mo being given a £1m signing on fee, deposited in a Swiss bank account.
        There’s no doubt that the English internationalist wanted the exposure to European football that a move to Rangers would bring but don’t tell me for a minute that they were not being awarded top dollar for their efforts, only a fraction of which would have been detailed in their contracts.
        Sandy Bryson I believe is the SFA go to man for anyone wishing to ask questions on all things contract.

    1. Well two years have passed, He promised an imminent Nomad, there’s no sign of a Nomad or a Listing on an exchange.

      He promised £50m investment, £30m of his own money and £20m from RRM. It ended up £3m and £2m.

      He’s broken FFP rules by four times the allowable threshold.

      Yes he does have 41 tax convictions in South Africa.


  3. When Oscar needs to go, he needs to go. Whether it’s occupied or not.

    Every time he shoots a bobsleigh on the can, his stumps shoot up to point at the ceiling.

    Oscar is perfectly qualified to be a Sevco owner mafia Don.

    1. Dave King, Richard Gough and Oscar Pistorious walk into a gay bar in Cape Town.

      Who goes to the toilet first?

      Hopefully King locks himself in before Oscar.

  4. JJ another excellent article and I thoroughly enjoyed the humour

    As a Celtic fan I can bask in the chasm of the Gulf of Integrity between ourselves and Sevco

    Somewhere in the distant future a derivation of the old institution that was Rangers will catch up to a level to challenge CFC
    However many willing wealthy Rangers fans who could support the club presently they will not do so until the toxic brand of people currently incumbent are removed by a second insolvency. Old money investors rightly are not going to buy out the thieving charlatans and will sit back and watch this event unravel no matter how long it takes
    Big commercial companies are driven by efficiency good product profit and an ethical business plan that requires integrity in the stewardship in plotting a successful course

    At Celtic Dermot Desmond and Peter Lawwell have that in abundance and even if we do not agree with everything we can see the sustainable growth and custodians with a strong hand on the tiller

    Wattie’s impassioned plea to go into debt is nearly as daft an idea as that of him getting involved with Charles Green and his explanation today that he was out of his depth and did not know what he was doing although the small matter of several million shares helped his decision making I can only assume

    If ever not to listen to someone this was it
    Until Sevco have a change in ethics and personnel they will continue to fall away and the Gulf of Integrity will become an Unassailable Ocean

    Tumbledown Tim

  5. Listen to jim traynors statement at 4:50 to play football as a new club and get a license they had to pay football debts but not creditors, ordinary members of the public owed money should be taking the SFA to court for this sham.

  6. JJ! What are your thoughts on the ‘on the bus off the bus’ approach to support provided by L5 with regards to providing PR for this entity? Are they possibly receiving payment in instalments or do you think that it all goes down to Loyalty to the Cause?

    Also any thoughts as to why Off the Radar has produced 2 articles in recent days which have included negative press directed at the career criminal chairman of the board?

    1. PMG suggests in an article today that the negative press may be the stick with which those on the Level are pursuing the tribute act for payment of an invoice.

  7. I see Jim Fraser is still flogging the bones of the Club/Company horse.

    Jim, perhaps you can explain the mechanism by which the Club legal entity transferred from the Old Company legal entity to the New Company legal entity. What consideration was paid? What documentation exists to confirm this transaction?

    To avoid confusion and unnecessary banter, yes, I am indeed suggesting that you are tip-toeing through the rain drops of reality to find fragments of evidence to support the contorted position you require to satisfy your cognitive dissonance.

    Please distinguish between:

    a) Club – as a legal entity in which individuals share joint and several responsibility in law for the actions of a commercial venture they own and operate; typically a sports or social organisation. As a legal entity the Club is capable of entering into contracts and owning assets.

    b) Club – a word used in the name of an incorporated legal entity (e.g. Ltd , plc. Llc) used to indicate a temporal connection with a Club legal entity that has changed its legal status to protect the owners and operators from personal liability, in addition to gaining other commercial benefits.

    Oh, I do love a trip down memory lane.

  8. In an alternative universe just how much would the Board need to spend to stop 10 in a row? To paraphrase the old Irish joke ‘I wouldn’t start from Ibrox?’

    There are too many legacy issues with the club/company/management/team/supporters. If a real Lanarkshire billionaire was inclined to massage his ego, it would be easier to start from scratch. With the policy of underinvestment what nasties might one find when purchasing the basket of assets, post liquidation 2? Far better to dub the start-up New Rangers 2017 and begin with a clean sheet.

  9. Nail on head JJ, the mainstream media is a laughing stock.

    Not only is King’s investment missing so is the promised transparency. No wonder his first move was to delist.
    I find it hard to understand why the Park’s are hanging about unless it’s to keep an eye on their ‘investment.’ They will have come across many guys like King in their business dealings who talk a good game but can’t deliver.
    When I heard the sport news on the radio this morning I was taken by surprise as it was announced that the Arsenal ace was jetting in today to sign up for the project.
    Ozil, surely not? Indeed it’s the failed Granada loanee.
    With 5 of the next 6 league games at Celtic Park, and well rested after a sunshine break, the league will be won in March.
    The Warbler in the meantime is lauding a lucrative friendly in Germany, -7 in Leipzig today, against a likely RB second string with more Rangers fans present than the home support.
    As an aside I reckon that the current first team squad at Celtic Park contains more Scots than any Celtic team for a number of years, which can only be good for Celtic and Scotland……….Gordon, Tierney, Brown, Armstrong, Griffiths, Forrest, McGregor all being regular starters, 7 in all.
    What’s the latest on the WIFI court case…..last I read was that Rangers would be counter suing the company that provided the service, did this come to pass?

  10. As news of a West Ham loan target of Sevco says No, we have Keith “Jackass” Jackson and Walter “anti football” Smith trying to do a makeover of McCoist with lipstick on the pig.

    Apparently we will never know how good a manager McCoist is because of the circumstances he worked in.

    Oh really! How convenient of you both to overlook the fact he took over the full £50m Rangers squad and got them pumped out the Champions League and then the Europa League by £5m minnows before any Administration or turmoil happened.

    Indeed it was McCoist’s abject failure as a manager that lost the revenue that forced the Administration event. McCoist sunk Whyte not the other way around.

    1. The jig was up for RFC once HMRC came after them for the EBT tax dodging. That £100M bill was too much to pay even if David Murray had access to Bank of Scotland loans that had no hope of being paid back. It didn’t matter who managed the team or what players it had. RFC would have been doomed if it had (imperfectly) registered the entire Barcelona squad and had Guardiola managing them.

      Fat Salary’s obvious failings as a manager were at best a negligible factor on the downfall and death of that ~140 year old club. Murray was the one who drove the club off a cliff. He jumped out at the last minute and put Craig Whyte at the wheel once the brake lines had been cut. McCoist was just a passenger on that bus.

  11. I note the MSSM have repeated a Yellow Warning for the next few days. Is this notice of their intent to rain even more pish on their gullible readers about the exceptional, marvelous and outstanding attributes of the nonentity loan players TRIFC have scraped from the bottom of the transfer window barrel?

  12. Lol if Super Ally McCoist were in charge of Sevco today instead of Mark Warburton, Sevco would be in tenth place and Celtic 35 points ahead of them.

    McCoist couldn’t beat part time village tradesmen in the fourth tier of Scottish Association football with full time professionals on 100 times the budget, plus outstanding training facilities and five star pre match hotel snoozes.

    McCoist sat FIFTH in the part time SFL DIV3 until top Grade SPL Refs were put into HIS SEVCO GAMES ONLY and awarded a world record number of penalties.

    Match Fixing by the SFA.

    Any Football Club Board that appoints the convicted drink driver as their manager, are, by definition, an incompetent Board.

  13. “Walter Smith is a legend but he is WRONG to say Rangers need to spend big”

    Another Rectum article recommending Celtic-like financial prudence and patience at Ibrox – AND telling The Cardigan to “Zip it Grand Dad”. Now something is going on here.

    Has Dave not been paying Jabba’s invoices and this is just a reminder of what could be?

    Is this ground work for some profoundly un-WATP news?

    Is Jabba about to jump ship as he smells Admin and hopes to cuddle up with Ashley – no – please – I’m eating my lunch?

    Has Ashley shown mercy and agreed an out-of-court deal requiring Robertson to be sacrificed as a spend thrift, luxury MD.

    Has King walked away – leaving The Three Bears to do what they do so well in the woods?

    Is Donald Trumpski rounding up some oligarchs to build a hover pitch?

    Anything is possible – but be certain – it is not business as unusual down Ibrox today.

    1. p.s. Hearts would be a much more appropriate and contemporary model of prudence and patience for Ibrox to follow. Step 1 in their new methodology should be to dump delusions of granduer with all this Old Firm, Big Club, Most Successful horse shit.

  14. Was it reported Walter Smith did indeed have an EBT? And were links to the release pasted in here? Is he a tax crook like all the other Rangers Legneds?

    Apparently Walter doesn’t sing Je ne regret rien. Mistakes he’s had a few but then again (not) too few to mention.

    The old SMSM approach being rolled out. State some honest unavoidable home truths and weave a good dollop of pish in there for gullibillies to swallow swallow. It’s the old mix up their minds approach.

    “We’ll never know how good a manager McCoist is” a Jackson classic up there with “Wealth off the radar” perhaps in five years he will apologise again.

    No Keith but we know how bad a manager McCoist is.

    1. The known relationship between Walter Smith and ebts, the use of which began in Sept 1999 is that Walters name is on a list of determinations (HMRC speak for hoi, we think you owe us money) delivered to RFC in Feb 2008.

      The payment by ebt of £53,333 with a Section 8 estimate of £15,733 was in relation to tax year 2002/03 when Walter Smith was at Everton.

      I’ve never read an explanation for that payment but no doubt it was legitimate for a legitimate piece of business.

      However after his return to Ibrox in 2007 Walter Smith signed a number of players eg Mendez, Davis who had payments by ebt in their contracts so he must have been aware of them.

      The only indication of under the table payment skullduggery pre 1999 is in an interview Alex Thomson had with Hugh Adams in March 2012 which led to the setting up of the LNS Commission into the use of ebts of any nature that involved side letters.

  15. On a slightly different note, JJ, I see today’s breaking news that UEFA has decided to exclude Partizan Belgrade from European competition for 3 seasons for financial irregularities…… this case, the nonpayment of taxes etc to the Serbian authorities. Granted that this is not the same “offence” that Sevco are guilty of……….theirs “merely” amounting to trading insolvently and living hopelessly beyond their means……..but what it perhaps does is send a warning shot across the bows of both the Scottish Football Authorities and indeed the Sevco board that the UEFA committee which oversees Financial Fair Play can have teeth when it so desires. The cynic in me says it’s always easier to come down hard on Eastern European clubs as opposed to pick a fight with one of the more established, shall we say, clubs or associations. Whether the SFA, or indeed Sevco with their long and illustrious 4 year history, falls into the category of being established, well that’s down to the interpretation of each reader. However, it does give me, and also Aberdeen and Hearts perhaps, some hope that, should a tough decision require to be made on the European Licence front, justice will be done. A few more worries to add to the sizeable pile over at Edmoston Drive. Indeed, it can only be hoped that these worries are not been stored on one of the stand rooves……..could be the straw that broke the camels back!

  16. Ashley doesn’t want RIFC to go bust being gooseberries chasing Celtic’s ten in a row.

    He wants his money owed, legal outlays and continued revenue from them.

    If he does a deal Ashley will want King out the picture.

    If RIFC wise up and don’t try to outspend Celtic they might survive but voices like Cardigan need to shuttit on ten in a row and the Daily Rectum needs to find another paper seller story. New spin “ten in a row meaningless nonsense”.

    If TRFC find £10m to spend, Celtic will spend £40m to protect their football and business positioning so there’s no point trying an arms race.

    what part of a failed Arms race does Walter Smith not get? Churchill he is definitely not.

    Listen, Celtic has several hundred millionaires in the 50,000 crowd. Some worth tens and a few hundreds of millions. With more ultra Rich fans around the world.

    CFC PLC could have a share offer tomorrow or 2018 or 2019 to bring in £35m no problem to underpin ten in a row. Hell DD could put in £35m himself from his £1.2Billion. There’s two other Irish Billionaires support Celtic with a passion also. Real Billionaires. Imagine if they got together and decided to gift Brendan Rodgers the Champions League.

    I overheard one guy jokingly state if it was eight in a row he personally would buy two £3m players for the club to get us to ten.

  17. JJ, Im a lurker, I’m unwaged and not money contributing but observations if I can:

    You applaud the quality of your Posters contributions.

    You have moved timings to publish most the posts the next day which impacts some of their impact by being less current and on point.

    Posts going up frequently and timely enhances the site and makes it more current and on point. This also attracts much more frequent hits. People want to follow the conversation throughout the day.

    Please accept this in the spirit of continuous improvement.

  18. Rangers “friend” Farry who gave Souness a two year touchline ban and banned Duncan Fergusn for 12 matches for brushing his head against Jock McStay?

    With friends like those…..

  19. The latest example of the SMSM bigging up TRFC’s signing targets was the other day when it was reported that they would sign West Brom’s Saido Berahino for £500k. Within 24 hours of this “scoop” Stoke City put in a bid of £18m for Berahino. What a dilemma for West Brom – should they accept Stoke’s £18m or TRFC’s £500k (presumably in 500,000 equal instalments)!

  20. Congratulations on your milestone of 9 million hits to this sustained site of excellence. It really is quite an achievement and you have set the bar at such a high level. Your articles and contributors to this speak-easy make this site remarkably unique. You must be proud of your achievements and I know that your regular contributors are proud on your behalf. This is not only an information rich site. It is also incredibly witty. Hey, Lady Mensch now read it every day. Without the utility belt!

    I am aware that it is widely read by Scottish ‘journalists’. I took the Scottish edition of The Times today and read a piece written by Michael Grant. Mr Grant writes well. His piece today could have been a cut and paste of this site. His article was headlined ‘The temptation Rangers must resist’. It was a response to Walter Smith saying that Rangers may have to go ‘deeper into debt’ to play in European football. This is the same Walter who, along with his boss, SDM, destroyed that club.

    Michael Grant reads this site. And he correctly highlighted the gulf in class, both on and off the pitch, between Rangers and Celtic.

    Today’s article was incredibly funny. I wonder what Ambassador Bomber BROWN would think of it.

    As for Jim Farry and the auto erotic Masonic grip. As I am not a Freemason, I don’t really know how that works. But it seems a damned sight more dangerous than drink driving.

    A donation on the way for scones and tea.

  21. the person who discovered empty vessels make the most noise is really hacked off to discover empty warchests are now far noisier.

    the next andrea pirlo was brilliant at the weekend ensuring Bournemouth only lost 3 zip at millwall to avoid total humil for the premiership club, meanwhile toral injured himself on the Granada bench. on the plus side for trfcer’s it appears warburton has sussed holt and holliday going on a halliday in the middle of a game and weekly leave cover is needed .

    keefs starry night reporting reads much better when behind you in a puddle of p and p awaiting the flush.

    recall when McCall told us all he had discovered the next Alexei mik from the isle of harris cant wait till they discover the next Herbert konterman.

    btw , are the nets up yet?

  22. Another accurate and humourous post, much enjoyed, donation now made, after problems with PayPal last week, cheers..

  23. Meanwhile the South African Wolf of Wall Street looks at Football in Govan with Cock eyed gaze at internet replays.

    He has no appreciation of live performances and therefore knows nothing of player performances and whether they are deserving of contracts, bonuses, the sack, etc…

  24. With the World’s bestest derby game going back a day to be shown on tv it’s great news for Non Domiciled Multi Millionaire(?) Recluse Dave King who can now watch it live in South Africa with a cheeky wee Pinot Grigio.

    Will King, Murray and Gilligan turn up? It’s not exactly fit and proper not to. Come on SPFL, these guys are letting the TV sponsors and contracts down. You’re selling fans an ultra important match story, not to be missed, and the main Belligerents are can’t be arsed no shows.

    Go Figure.

  25. The radio clip between traynor and Stuart Cosgrove clearly states,from traynors own lips, that they are a NEW club, his subsequent and constant denial only serves to further prove his worthlessness as any kind of authority on the new club/ old club debate.

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