A Brief History of Lying at Rangers Lite

Prior to engaging in the main thrust of this piece I take pause to provide some feedback on the amnesty. The response has not been as expected. Nevertheless some have stepped forward and donated more than the minimum sum of £5. Some have made their contribution recurring. Five pounds per month is not asking too much. Others subscribe to the view that twenty pounds per month is more apposite. As there is one day to go and the possibility of a last day rally I will postpone any decision on a paywall until every opportunity has been exhausted.

What does it take to become a glib and shameless liar who should not be believed on any matter unless supported by objective evidence? Who is King lying to when he asserts that investors are lining up to throw caution to the wind and invest in an unlisted toxic stock? Is he lying to himself?

The ‘new improved’ retail deal has had its wheels fall off after a matter of hours with the following club statement:

SUPPORTERS will appreciate that, in advance of last week’s successful conclusion of new commercial arrangements between Rangers and Sports Direct, demand for replica shirts and other products was low as a result of the boycott. Accordingly only limited amounts of stock were immediately available and we understand that the vast majority of what was available has already been sold. Unfortunately this means that we are not anticipating any further deliveries of Replica kit to the Megastore in advance of Thursday’s game.Rangers are liaising with PUMA on the production and sale of new batches of replica kit but this will unfortunately take some time to produce. We are currently working with our partners to ascertain what can be achieved and will let supporters know as soon as we have reliable dates.We apologise for any inconvenience and thank our supporters for their revived interest in the Club’s retail products.”

You could not make it up. It’s high farce. King was trumpeting how the ‘new’ deal would deliver £5m to the beleaguered new club, when lo and behold the laughing stock had sold out and the chances of new stock being produced to meet the ‘revived’ interest are somewhere between no hope and Bob Hope. This guy is a buffoon who has been found out one time too many. Should The BDO appeal not be upheld by the Supreme Court, King will be at the forefront of the narrative that opposes title stripping. The SMSM, Lite, SPFL and SFA will circle the wagons. So what can we as fans do to force their hands. Some readers throw around judicial reviews like confetti, but they should pause to ask one question

Are they proposing a judicial review of a commission that has no merit in law?

This would be a blind alley. The best way to proceed is to force your club to raise a motion of no confidence in Regan at the SFA and Doncaster at the SPFL. The Asterisk Years can only be dealt with by forcing their hands. They would both deal to save their necks. Who else would employ these abjectly corrupt individuals and pay them so handsomely?

A new commission should be established with someone of the ilk of John Stevens, who has a history of uncovering football malfeasance, given free rein. There are so many lies emanating from Ibrox that a line must be drawn in the sand. Title stripping should be back on the table, and while Stevens is there let’s nail the Continuation lie once and for all. Should Regan try to impose himself in a supervisory capacity, as he did with LNS, I suggest he should be told in no uncertain terms that he is not fit for office.

Word reaches me that George Taylor has had enough of King. He wants the Cunningham family runt muted. Taylor is a stickler for playing things by the book. The career criminal’s antics are anathema to him.

Taylor will have no truck with his equity being diluted, and if necessary will prohibit  King from voting.  King claimed unequivocally to the Takeover Panel that he had no executive authority at New Oasis Assets Limited (NOAL) so how can he possibly vote on their behalf? How could NOAL cast any vote if the directors are as unknown as those of Margarita and Blue Pitch Holdings?

There is a fundamental flaw in King’s lying. He is not smart enough to see the big picture. He is a tactical liar with no grasp of strategic mendacity.  Should King attempt to play the NOAL card the Takeover Panel will have him bang to rights. I personally will not hesitate to write to the South African Revenue Service and invite them to look at credible allegations of money laundering and tax evasion at NOAL.

King is as smart as a botched lobotomy. He will get his, make no mistake about it.

 

The EBT Grim Reaper

Word reaches me from an inordinately well informed source that Andy Halliday has no intention of finding a new club. He is enjoying being in the UK having recently  completed an arduous loan spell in Azerbaijan. He does not believe in Padre Pedro’s revolution. He will bide his time as he is of the view that Caixinha will be gone before Crimbo.

However of much more import is the ‘imperfectly registered‘ Danny Wilson who is listed on Rangers Lite’s Europa League squad as Club Trained at The Rangers Football Club Ltd, the UEFA member club, when he was actually trained at the former club. He joined Rangers on July 1st 2008 and was subsequently sold to Liverpool two years  later.

As we are fully aware Lite needed another soft loan this month to buy off Sports Direct and Puma which were planning a crushing pincer movement putsch. This soft loan of £1.5m when added to the other outstanding loans far exceeds the €5m stipulated under Financial Fair Play. As readers of this site are aware the SFA are using the unaudited accounts of the rogue board as an appendix to  Lite’s application for a UEFA licence, which was duly rubber stamped in Syon.

Should Progres not progress, the attraction of highlighting the corruption at the SFA will be compelling. Nothing would please me more than to wipe that smug smile off Regan’s Lite-facing face. William Hill and Ladbrokes need a strong Rangers to maximise their betting returns from The Blue Pound. Regan has bent over backwards to accommodate them.

Next up for Regan is the following from The Supreme Court:

Justices

Lord Neuberger, Lady Hale, Lord Reed, Lord Carnwath, Lord Hodge

Hearing start date

15 Mar 2017

Hearing finish date

16 Mar 2017

Judgment hand down date

05 Jul 2017″

Did the Inner House of The Court of Session err in law? Having followed the live proceedings, and reported thereon, I cannot conceive of any decision that does not uphold the findings of Scotland’s highest court.

At which point the shit will really hit the fan at Hampden. The findings and recommendations of the heinously corrupt Nimmo Smith investigation will be severely compromised.

This whitewash will not stand.

The clamour and consensus for title-stripping will be overwhelming. Of course it’s important to point out that title stripping is not the exclusive preserve of the SFA. League Titles and League Cups won by foul means will dominate the thinking of Continuation Doncaster. Should he not act when his doctored commission has been exposed as a sham, then he must go. Peter Lawwell should table a vote of no confidence in Doncaster if he fails to act. A £250,000 slap on the wrist did not go far enough.

The Rectum will feature tales of woe as the greedy little EBT piglets go to the wall. Forgive me if I don’t shed a tear for any of them. However I will shed a tear for the integrity of Scottish football if Regan and Doncaster fail to act. If they let this slide we might as well revert to watching the choreographed pantomime that is professional wrestling.

The EBT Grim Reaper is on his way to Hampden. Failure to act is not an option.

The Banter Years

They have been christened as ‘the banter years’. Now Rangers fans are looking to the future with enthusiasm rather than uncertainty. The last few seasons have provided some of the most extraordinary moments in the Light Blues’ history. The list of characters is lengthy and each plot line could have taken hours to sculpt, but it has all been very real for a fan base that have suffered more than their share of ignominies and embarrassments through no fault of their own. Events of the last week are right up there in terms of their importance and another chapter in the tale has now been closed as one of the main protagonists was finally written out. Excitement levels have risen amongst Gers fans in recent weeks as Pedro Caixinha has added to his squad and the appointment of Mark Allen as Director of Football was another reason to be optimistic ahead of the new campaign. It was the deal that Dave King and his board struck with Sports Direct that was the real shot in the arm, though. The announcement on Friday that Ashley had sold all his shares, including more than four per cent to Club 1872, was the icing on the cake. The legacy issues that King, John Gilligan and Paul Murray inherited had the potential to hold Rangers back for years. No matter how much the club wanted to move forward, the progress was always going to be stifled as the former regimes continued to make life difficult. There was a feeling of closure for many this week and a line in the sand has been drawn. Rangers and the fans can now move on. It has prompted supporters to look back at what has gone on over the last few years, to relive and remember the highs and the lows, the chaos and the controversy. Many of the moments are surreal but they did really happen. Amongst the anger and the disbelief, it was a case of if you didn’t laugh you’d cry for the punters. The drama unfolded everywhere from the steps of Ibrox to Charles Green’s hospital bed. The Yorkshireman handed out tea at the ticket office, delivered a Christmas message and wanted to do a deal with the Dallas Cowboys. He left, came back and left again, but his legacy remained. The sight of Brian Stockbridge, Imran Ahmad or David Somers would send shivers down the spine of supporters. Don’t forget Craig Mather and Graham Wallace or Derek Llambias either. The Easdale brothers certainly won’t slip out of mind easily. They became two of the most despised figures of the whole narrative as they were heckled at games and mocked online. At least they did the ice bucket challenge. There was the infamous ‘winter of discount tent’ General Meeting, the red card protest that Somers said was about apartheid and the setting of alarms for Stock Exchange announcements at seven in the morning. On the park, there was the capitulation to Alloa, the cup final defeat to Raith Rovers, losing to a Stirling side whose manager was at a wedding and a handful of performances and results that will go down amongst the worst ever from a Gers side. There was the dancing Elgin fan, the commemorative t-shirts for reaching the League Cup semi-final against Celtic and a pre-season match beside a funfair in America. The likes of Seb Faure, Emilson Cribari and Anestis Argyriou won’t be fondly remembered, but at least Bilel Mohsni went out with a bang. So did Joey Barton. The Englishman made more of an impact that Sunil Chhetri and Jeje Lalpekhlua, the Indian trialists, and Fran Stella, right enough. That Fran Sandaza was sacked for being duped in a prank phone-call can’t be forgotten, and either can the arrival of the ‘Newcastle five’ – Remi Streete, Kevin Mbabu, Gael Bigirimana, Haris Vuckic and Shane Ferguson – when they weren’t fit to play. Last season, Mark Warburton was respectful every week and a song about Joe Garner prompted a Twitter spat with Little Mix fanatics as they became the latest additions to a lengthy list. Rangers still have some distance to travel on the road to recovery but a corner looks like it has been turned this summer. There is no other set of supporters that deserve a sense of normality back at their club more. As Rangers look for a brighter future, the banter years could be consigned to history. They may be gone, but they will never be forgotten.” Chris Jack – 20 June 2017

There is so much to take issue with in this piece that it will take more than my typical article length of one thousand words to refute his fallacious assertions. Some of Jack’s words do have merit if one is an advocate of the minutiae, but the central messages are so distorted that they could have been penned by the Glib & Shameless Liar himself; or perhaps the ‘Celtic supporting’ taxi drivers who agree with King’s thesis that Celtic have only won ‘two-in-a-row‘. Even Kris Void, a man admittedly not noted for his mental gymnastics, could not get his head around the career criminal’s narrative.  King is renowned for his parsimony. Any tip would have been of the nature of an advisory not to smoke in bed. Did these ‘Celtic Supporters’ dismiss four titles for a kiss of King’s hem, or is it just the latest in a long and loose cannon of lies? I am more persuaded by the latter of these alternatives.

Jack unsurprisingly given his affection for the new club has been rather selective in his choice of memorable events. He has even managed to avoid the Elephant in The Room: The Cold Shoulder.

A corner was turned. Ashley, who could have kept his jackboot on King’s scrawny neck for another six years, decided to bail out. He knows what to expect when the Cold Shoulder begins to bite. There will be no credit; no payment of season tickets in instalments; no banking facilities; no supply chain willing to agree terms other than cash upfront; no staggered transfer payments; no BACS transfers of players’ salaries.

In summary should King continue at the helm of RIFC they will be the lepers of the financial community. The Untouchables.

If Rangers Lite go under they will be playing junior football next season. Merry hell is going to break loose and on this occasion look no further than King for a smoking gun. If one goes to bed with reservoir dogs with distemper one should not be surprised to be bitten by fleas.

The flood that is coming down the pike will be of Biblical proportions. Any ‘banter’ will be drowned out.

As for his cast of rogues or ‘rhats’ as they were called at The Gazebo AGM, David Somers is one of the most respected businessmen in the City and unlike King commanded a Nominated Advisor and maintained RIFC’s LSE AIM Listing. No-one would touch the convicted career criminal with a barge pole. Does King, knowing that he is toxic in the City, think they can do no more? Think again career criminal.

Llambias did a sterling job at Newcastle United and Graham Wallace pierced the corporate veil to reveal the challenges that the last honest Board would have to meet. As for the Easdales, what’s not to like about individuals who provided crisis loans and took nothing, not even their petrol expenses, from the club? I have not met either brother but their business activities are well known to me. They started life in the scrap business which is not for sissies. They have created a £100m business. They have the kind of appreciable wealth that could make a difference. They are both real Rangers men. But the fans believed Halloween Houston dressed rather appositely as a rat and Bomber Brown who had a quantum of £40,000 burning a hole in his pocket. I’m not going to gloss over the fact that Sandy was sent down, but surely he has paid his debt to society?

When the shit really hits the fan Rangers Lite will need men of the calibre of Somers,  Llambias, Wallace and the Easdales to rebuild them, if it’s not too late.

The latest statement of the rogue board, that they have run out of last season’s stock, beggars belief.

Are Puma joining Ashley in walking away from this toxic board?

However when we revert to Jack’s candy-coating, does the banter extend to the 200 Lite fans who invaded Hampden to set about the celebrating Hibs fans? Does banter include kicking a young unsuspecting Hibs fan in the head? The fan in question had already been felled by a punch from another Lite criminal. A thug from Antrim then kicked him in the head. That will teach him not to celebrate when The Klan are present.

We then had to endure James Traynor creating a series of lies to excuse the criminal actions of the Rangers Lite fans. The same travelling support that turned Manchester into a disaster zone. On that occasion a police officer was being kicked to the head.

When I attended the FBA awards ceremony I passed on the complimentary bottle of Budweiser and raised a small glass of champagne by way of celebrating my award. I had to keep my wits about me as The Klan were waiting for me outside. They would have kicked and stabbed me to death. Fortunately another crew, much higher up the local criminal pecking order, intervened and sent them packing. They shadowed me all the way to a taxi that took me to the safety of my B&B.

Is it banter to threaten the life of a social media commentator who only deals in accuracy and the truth? Is it banter to force him into exile?

The Rangers Lite supporters don’t do banter. They do bitter.

Doctored Feelgood at Rangers Lite

Having played his last lacklustre game for Preston North End in the English Championship on the 16th August last year, Liquidation-Denier Chris Union Jack announced to the gullibillies that Joe Garner had been signed for £1.8m. It was a lie of the first ordure created by James Traynor and repeated verbatim by Clotted Weir’s  cub reporter. Rumour has it that Jack’s dental  retainer spells out WATP. The undisclosed fee was then reported on Transfermarkt at £1.47m. Traynor played it down as he anticipated more scrutiny than would be evident in the SMSM. The Lite-facing sports hacks love nothing more than a Doctored Feelgood narrative to shift copy. This site has more hits on a daily basis than there are sales at The Herald and its Engine Room Subsidiary, The Evening Times.

However they are not the only Glasgow organs on the slide, with sales at The Rectum at an all time low of 147,000. With a year-on-year slump of 16.4% it’s evident that only the lowest common denominator of Lite fans continue to read The Rectum. Those who argue the toss for their online coverage should note that their parent group, Trinity Mirror, has been subject to a year-on-year collapse of its share price of 21.64%.

So after thirty-one Scottish Premiership games, twenty-one starts and ten games in which he came on as a substitute, Garner is now back in The English Championship at a lower ranked club in Ipswich. With seven goals and more head bandages than one is likely to see in an episode of MASH, Transfermarkt are reporting his ‘undisclosed’ fee at £935,000.

Which begs one question:

Did Rangers take a £900,000 bath on Joe Garner?

Liquidation-Denier Jack is deftly avoiding this apparent loss as he knows that his original figure of £1.8m was, as James Joyce was want to say, shite and onions.

Let’s look at the facts. A football agent source revealed that the actual quantum received by Preston North End was £225,000.

Joe Garner is one of the worst players I have ever seen in light blue. He made Dodo seem relevant. Shifting him at cost was a good bit of business given that his market value on Transfermarkt has slumped to £510,000. At 29 he should be in his prime scoring goals for fun. However he chose to headbutt defenders with a view to inducing concussion.

Garner was a one-man guided missile of North Korean manufacture.

He was lucky to get out of dodge prior to the cull. Players are being sent home from training with impunity. They know that their former manager was ‘resigned’  and that if they took matters to the PFA, former Rangers player Fraser Wishart might not have their best interests at heart. Thumb over third knuckle handshakes would be the ordure of the day.

Why would anyone ever choose to play for a club who treat their coaches and players with contempt? Why would any promising player choose to play for a club with a holding group chairman who is a criminal balloon who makes as much sense as Sly Stallone on helium?

The cream of Scottish players have turned their backs on Rangers Lite, with players such as Scott Allan preferring to play in Celtic’s reserve squad than a guaranteed start in Lite’s midfield.

After the debacle of ‘Going For 55’, Joey Barton and Dave King on acid, can we look forward to Caixinha’s Gypsey Kings with any confidence?

 

 

 

Bjorn & Benny Rail at King

I’m sure there’s no truth in the rumour that Dave King has written to Eurovision to demand that Abba should be stripped of their title as the The Famine Song, featuring the Louden Tavern choir, did not compete that year.

Dave King, with a semi, and Paul Murray on their way to The Cotton Club back in the day.

As for Waterloo, Dave King believes this historical battle should be re-enacted as Rangers were not formed until 1872, meeting their own Waterloo in 2012.

Someone who has begged to differ is  Kris Boyd:

 

A lot of people think I’ve got a grudge against Dave King. That I’m still sore about the way I was shown the door at Rangers three seasons ago.That I was hurt by things he said about myself and the players who failed to win promotion from the Championship in 2015.

It’s nonsense. Utter garbage.

I have no axe to grind whatsoever with King; truth be told I really couldn’t give a toss what he thinks about me. In case it’s passed people by, I’ve got pretty thick skin. But here’s the thing; when is Dave King going to start acting like a chairman of Rangers football club, and not some fan dragged out of the Broomloan Road stand?

He’s supposed to be the captain of that ship. But as it stands right now all he’s doing is saying what he thinks the supporters want to hear, playing to the galleries for all he’s worth.

He’s got season tickets to sell, of course.

He’ll be hoping the fans jump on the bandwagon of saying: ‘Dave King is one of us.’ But for me I can’t believe any reasonable-thinking Rangers supporter will buy into his latest nonsense about how Celtic are only on two-in-a-row.

A lot of them won’t like me being this critical of King but deep down I reckon the silent vast-majority will agree with me and wonder what he’s playing at. They’ll be asking why he wants to behave like this and create the headlines he’s created. It’s been a good few weeks for Rangers. They’ve signed players, brought in a new Director of Football and got rid of Mike Ashley, albeit to what extent we’re not too sure.

But on the face of it things are looking a lot better off the park than they have done lately.

But King can’t help himself, can he?

None of it makes any sense, though. Even the stuff about how Celtic should be further ahead is laughable because as things stand they’re virtually out of sight. King is just saying what comes into his head as a fan, not as the leader of a major company. Put it this way, when he was alive you wouldn’t have ever heard Apple founder Steve Jobs coming out and publicly slaughtering Microsoft or Samsung.

In fact, David Murray wouldn’t have ever done this. As an owner of a club and organisation the size of Rangers, King has a responsibility to act in a certain way.

But he’s let himself down. Again.

I just don’t know how he can think coming out with these types of statements is helpful ahead of the new season. Sure, Rangers have signed a few players but a lot of them are untested in Scotland.

If I was Dave King I’d be very, very careful about what I was saying at this moment in time.

He should be concentrating on getting a team on the park to challenge Celtic, not ludicrous statements having a go at them. At the end of the day it’s not Celtic’s fault Rangers weren’t in the top league.

They can only beat what’s in front of them and they’ve done that. Look, was there less glory in it for Celtic when Rangers weren’t there? Yeah, I’d say there was.

Celtic would have preferred to win six in a row with Rangers challenging them.

But you still can’t say the titles don’t count.

Who’s going to be next to come out, Hibs?

They weren’t in the Premier League for a few years so are they going to claim it’s not six-in-a-row for Celtic? C’mon, it’s just stupid. It would be like looking at Rodger Federer’s achievements as the most decorated men’s player in tennis. . . but saying the majors he won when Rafa Nadal wasn’t playing in don’t count. I’m sure that would wash with the ATP?

Rangers are the most decorated club in Scottish football having won the most trophies. But you can’t ignore the ones Celtic have won in the last four years, it just doesn’t work like that.

But King can’t help himself, can he?

It reminds me of the way the Rangers board were jumping up and down the day they beat Celtic in the semi-final of the Scottish Cup two seasons ago. It was a time for King and his directors to keep calm and keep their mouths shut.

But they couldn’t, could they?

The directors milked the win for all it was worth, celebrating like they’d won the Champions League, and it was a massive wake-up call for Celtic. Dermot Desmond realised there and then that Ronny Deila wasn’t up to the job and Celtic had to get their act together. So he brought in Brendan Rodgers.

Celtic are now being run properly off the park and have a great team on it – and that probably wouldn’t have been the case had the Rangers board at the time kept themselves in check. I’d go as far as to say I don’t think Brendan Rodgers would even be here as Celtic manager. And in turn, I don’t think Celtic would be as far ahead as they are right now.

For me, at a club like Rangers, you need to go about your business quietly. You get things done and take people by surprise. But that doesn’t ever seem to happen at Ibrox these days.

They’ve got a manager who loves to broadcast how he gets the players in at 5am, and they’ve got a chairman who says what he thinks the supporters want to hear. I just think Rangers need to be very, very careful because as it stands right now Celtic are in an extremely powerful position with the finances at their club.

They have such an array of talent on the pitch that they could easily accumulate £100million if they sold off their players, whereas Rangers would be lucky to raise £5million from the squad they have at this moment in time.

King should think about all of that before he opens his mouth next time. But I doubt he will.”

However prior to proceeding one should consider whether King was speaking ex Cathedra as the Chairman of RIFC or as a guy Jim White ran into in a Johannesburg boozer. On that occasion King boasted of the 28,000 bottles of wine that he had boosted from his sequestered winery. The new owner of the winery took a dim view and  demanded the return of his stock. King’s wife Ladina now uses their basement as a gym. The disgraced self-serving prick that was Peter Smith accepted King’s affidavit without challenge. Dave had just inadvertently met Jim who had popped down to South Africa for a cold one in King’s local with a complete Sky crew. It was the least King could do to invite him home for a glass of Ladina’s lemonade.

My personal favourite from the King cannon is his claim, with a straight face, that New Oasis Assets Limited (NOAL) had purchased the shares in Rangers and that he had no say in this decision. James Blair, the conveyancing consigliere, presented this lie to The Takeover Appeal Board. King and Blair chose to insult the intelligence of some of the City’s biggest swinging dicks. I’m surprised that Blair has not been struck off. Did NOAL just choose Dave King at random to be the chairman of RIFC?  This lie is coming to the Court of Session in a couple of months. King is going to be ragdolled. It could not happen to a more deserving career criminal.

Do the SMSM and the Gullibillies have the memory of goldfish? What happened to going for ’55’ and King using his family inheritance to compete with Celtic? This has evidently just been forgotten about as King sells last year’s tat like the cheap spiv we always knew him to be.

As Boyd notes, Caixinha’s Gypsey Kings are untested in Scottish football. Will the gullibillies settle for finishing second to Celtic with a thirty point deficit, rather than this season’s thirty-nine?

I demur on Boyd’s rose-tinted view of Sir Bribe & Lie. Has he forgotten SBL’s  chutzpah that for every fiver spent by Celtic, he would spend a tenner? Of course as we now know this quantum was being borrowed from the odious Bank Of Scotland for the price of a newly-tailored suit for Gavin Masterton.

News just in. Dave King has written to UEFA demanding that Celtic be stripped of their European Cup win of 1967 as Rangers did not compete in that tournament.

Are the Rangers Lite fans really this stupid? If they are they have the Chairman they deserve.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soft Loans For Soft Heads

I truly despair at the fake news being published at The Rectum. The facts are a foreign country to Keith Jackson. His award-winning reportage now reaches an audience that is less than half of what it was when he informed us that The Bellshill Bounder was a self-made billionaire with wealth off the radar.

Things are so bad that I might have to cancel my Tinder Account.”

Let’s look at the facts and the known ‘knowns’ :-

1. Dave King is a glib and shameless liar who should not be believed on any matter unless it is supported by objective evidence. 

2. Ashley sold his shares to a Teutonic Big Cheese and Club Tropicana.

3. There has been no investment in the club save another £1.5m emergency loan in June. This may be converted into equity at a later date.

4. The rogue board have been engaging in a buy/boycott Hokey Cokey with merchandise and have been left with egg on their faces and no new kit launch for season 2017/2018.

5. The laughing stock clearance sale will barely cover the Puma advance and Sports Direct’s uplift. Net Profits will be negligible.

6. The £5m forecast from retail sales for Rangers Lite is a fantasy.

7. There are no investors lined up to buy a toxic stock with no listing.

8. As Ashley no doubt noted, if all soft loans are converted into equity all the current holdings will be diluted.

9. Caixinha’s Gypsey King journeymen are inordinately unlikely to challenge Celtic this season. Seven-in-a-row is a shoe-in.

10. The sale of the laughing stock is King’s Ratner moment.

11. The Takeover Panel will petition the Court of Session. When King inevitably shows his contempt of court, the next petition will be to ban him as a director of any UK plc. A warrant will be issued for his arrest.

12. No investors will look at a company in which the chairman is subject to a Cold Shoulder. Mike Ashley extricated himself before the ice age bites at Rangers Lite.

13. Halliday, O’Halloran and Mackay were sent home from  training on Thursday. They were told in no uncertain terms to find clubs or be confined to training with the youth academy. The austerity is oppressive at Auchenhowie.

 

Keith Jackson’s reportage is a confection of lies, fantasy and wishful thinking. A soft loan in June, with the majority of the players on 48 week contracts which do not include holiday pay, is a crisis. However you won’t read about this at The Rectum as they attempt to elevate their sales from their 16.4% year on year slump.

Jackson receives awards for his mendacious puff pieces, which tells one all one needs to know about the Scottish Fourth Estate which is in the toilet.

Dodgy Dave Goes To Blazes

As the laughing stock continues to shift at The Sports Direct Superstore, spare a thought for Keith Jackson’s numeracy skills and his mendacious claim that Rangers Lite will earn £5m from the new improved all singing and dancing Retail deal. In the unlikely event that Rangers Lite earned 20% of the £20, it would only take a mere 1,250,000 units to be sold to arrive at the magic quantum. When on the topic of real quanta, the 147,000 and change in average daily sales at The Rectum is leading to a cull at Central Quay. However, call me Mr. Bright Side but it’s good weather for fishing and ultimately a more honest endeavour than working at The Ministry of Pishery.

Jackson’s homage to King is so obsequious that one might find that the award-winning hack is up for adoption. I’m fairly certain that King’s wife Ladana could use a Kitchen Toto at Her Johannesburg pile. Jackson has the balance of bowing and scraping down to pat and would add value to any household where delusion is the common currency.

In an aside from Dave King, he was somewhat dismissive of Mark Warburton’s claim for constructive dismissal. It would seem that the prospective England manager has fallen off the Fire Wagon as it rushes to put out the next blaze caused by the Castlemilk pyromaniac. I believe you will find that The League Manager’s Association will be in touch and might go as far as to sequester any funds raised from the sale of Billy Gilmour.

Meanwhile, Dave seems to have forgotten that his appeal to the Takeover Panel was given short shrift. He has been ordered to make an offer for all shares. The Court of Session will rubber stamp The Takeover Panel’s ruling and issue a legal edict. Should King continue to avoid his carpetbagging responsibilities he will be charged with contempt of court. With his rap sheet he could be sent down.

Mike Ashley may have taken a £350,000 bath on his shares, but in the final analysis this is a small price to pay to avoid The Cold Shoulder which will bring a new ice age to Ibrox. If Rangers Lite cannot raise an I.O.U. in a matchsticks poker school, getting to the end of season sailing on the sea of illiquidity will be somewhat hazardous.

King may have dodged a bullet but the Takeover Panel are not firing blanks.