As the laughing stock continues to shift at The Sports Direct Superstore, spare a thought for Keith Jackson’s numeracy skills and his mendacious claim that Rangers Lite will earn £5m from the new improved all singing and dancing Retail deal. In the unlikely event that Rangers Lite earned 20% of the £20, it would only take a mere 1,250,000 units to be sold to arrive at the magic quantum. When on the topic of real quanta, the 147,000 and change in average daily sales at The Rectum is leading to a cull at Central Quay. However, call me Mr. Bright Side but it’s good weather for fishing and ultimately a more honest endeavour than working at The Ministry of Pishery.
Jackson’s homage to King is so obsequious that one might find that the award-winning hack is up for adoption. I’m fairly certain that King’s wife Ladana could use a Kitchen Toto at Her Johannesburg pile. Jackson has the balance of bowing and scraping down to pat and would add value to any household where delusion is the common currency.
In an aside from Dave King, he was somewhat dismissive of Mark Warburton’s claim for constructive dismissal. It would seem that the prospective England manager has fallen off the Fire Wagon as it rushes to put out the next blaze caused by the Castlemilk pyromaniac. I believe you will find that The League Manager’s Association will be in touch and might go as far as to sequester any funds raised from the sale of Billy Gilmour.
Meanwhile, Dave seems to have forgotten that his appeal to the Takeover Panel was given short shrift. He has been ordered to make an offer for all shares. The Court of Session will rubber stamp The Takeover Panel’s ruling and issue a legal edict. Should King continue to avoid his carpetbagging responsibilities he will be charged with contempt of court. With his rap sheet he could be sent down.
Mike Ashley may have taken a £350,000 bath on his shares, but in the final analysis this is a small price to pay to avoid The Cold Shoulder which will bring a new ice age to Ibrox. If Rangers Lite cannot raise an I.O.U. in a matchsticks poker school, getting to the end of season sailing on the sea of illiquidity will be somewhat hazardous.
King may have dodged a bullet but the Takeover Panel are not firing blanks.