Soft Loans For Soft Heads

I truly despair at the fake news being published at The Rectum. The facts are a foreign country to Keith Jackson. His award-winning reportage now reaches an audience that is less than half of what it was when he informed us that The Bellshill Bounder was a self-made billionaire with wealth off the radar.

Things are so bad that I might have to cancel my Tinder Account.”

Let’s look at the facts and the known ‘knowns’ :-

1. Dave King is a glib and shameless liar who should not be believed on any matter unless it is supported by objective evidence. 

2. Ashley sold his shares to a Teutonic Big Cheese and Club Tropicana.

3. There has been no investment in the club save another £1.5m emergency loan in June. This may be converted into equity at a later date.

4. The rogue board have been engaging in a buy/boycott Hokey Cokey with merchandise and have been left with egg on their faces and no new kit launch for season 2017/2018.

5. The laughing stock clearance sale will barely cover the Puma advance and Sports Direct’s uplift. Net Profits will be negligible.

6. The £5m forecast from retail sales for Rangers Lite is a fantasy.

7. There are no investors lined up to buy a toxic stock with no listing.

8. As Ashley no doubt noted, if all soft loans are converted into equity all the current holdings will be diluted.

9. Caixinha’s Gypsey King journeymen are inordinately unlikely to challenge Celtic this season. Seven-in-a-row is a shoe-in.

10. The sale of the laughing stock is King’s Ratner moment.

11. The Takeover Panel will petition the Court of Session. When King inevitably shows his contempt of court, the next petition will be to ban him as a director of any UK plc. A warrant will be issued for his arrest.

12. No investors will look at a company in which the chairman is subject to a Cold Shoulder. Mike Ashley extricated himself before the ice age bites at Rangers Lite.

13. Halliday, O’Halloran and Mackay were sent home from  training on Thursday. They were told in no uncertain terms to find clubs or be confined to training with the youth academy. The austerity is oppressive at Auchenhowie.


Keith Jackson’s reportage is a confection of lies, fantasy and wishful thinking. A soft loan in June, with the majority of the players on 48 week contracts which do not include holiday pay, is a crisis. However you won’t read about this at The Rectum as they attempt to elevate their sales from their 16.4% year on year slump.

Jackson receives awards for his mendacious puff pieces, which tells one all one needs to know about the Scottish Fourth Estate which is in the toilet.


34 thoughts on “Soft Loans For Soft Heads”

  1. I’ve seen the falling circulation figures point being made often by many. Those in the employ of the papers say that although print sales are falling, online presence is having a bigger role. What is your view on this and are you helping to boost there online presence by talking about the papers and their journalists. Just a thought because I know I wouldn’t have any knowledge of what is in the papers if I didn’t read blogs or see the links posted online.

  2. JJ

    A dear old friend used to expose the late Alan Davidson for his anti Celtic sentiment coupled with a politburo promotion of SDM and all that he stood for

    Keef Tender meat balls Jackson is a metamorphosis of this cabal they call journalists

    If he is the leading award writing journalist of the year again how rancid is this pool of journalists that shape our daily thoughts

    Is it a surprise their circulation is in decline

    Mick Gilligan you fiery red haired Irishman you were ahead of your times for outing these unprofessional and corrupt writers

    Another great read JJ that is incisive and accurate however will never be reflected in the mainstream


  3. Why are their reports coming from the daily record ,about Rangers, when they have banned all reporters from their grounds, is it the case they only, allow fake news of a sort.and allow jackass to cut and paste traynors crap

  4. Old rangers founded 1872 and dodged wars ,how many league and cup did they win without Celtic founded 16 year’s later 1888 just ask Dave.

  5. Word reaches me from an informed and reliable source ‪that Halliday, O’ Halloran and Mackay were sent home from training on Thursday. They were told to find new clubs or train with youth academy.‬ Austerity beginning to bite at the club which required a £1.5m loan to keep the lights on in June.

  6. A sharp piece and an excellent summary of the current status at Ibrox. Despite Jackson portraying this as some sort of garlanded victory with Dave King being paraded down Edmiston Drive, waving at the cheering crowd, the club remains mired in deep trouble. Jackson should take note of your article and report matters are they are and not as he would wish them to be.

    Point 7 is particularly relevant. “There are no investors lined up to buy a toxic stock with no listing.” Indeed. After Ashley, wisely, decided to dump his stake in the club, I made a phone call to a chum in the City. He is a founder of Saatchi and has seriously rich connections with seriously rich information (some of which I have used here). He is also an Arsenal football obsessive and follows Scottish football for amusement value, particularly the soap opera at Ibrox.

    I simply asked him about Ashley and getting out of Rangers (which surprised me). He went on to say that he had hosted Big Mike and other corporates at a golf booze up in Marbella recently. He and MA get on well despite their tribal differences (Spurs v Arsenal). He went on to say that Mike was dismissive of the club, hated the useless b######s who were running the place and was thinking of either having a swift exit by selling his shares OR ‘burying the c###s’.

    King and Keith Jackson may talk up the asset value of the club, but for folks like my chum (hugely influential in stock movements) and Ashley (hugely respected for his bottom line achievements), their views count and carry weight.

    This club is toxic and is run by folks who don’t have a clue about corporate governance. The Scottish press make it out to be some sort of global institution. Well, it’s not. It’s a small, loss making business run out of Govan, with a crook at the helm and where profit doesn’t exist in the vocabulary.

    The City has no interest in this stock in the event of a future listing. And don’t underestimate Big Mike’s capacity to carry a grudge. He is massively more influential than the Scottish press have reported.

    1. As you noted earlier if Ashley departs the Rangers scene for good ..the winner is Celtic not Rangers
      The goebbels / North Korean style communications control around this club and their fan base has resulted in them throwing their best hope for a good future out of the boat

    2. JJ.
      Long time lurker, first time post, really enjoy the speakeasy, look forward to your book.
      Fantastic articles, especially on the McCann’s and Lynette Daley, really opened my eyes and you have a great way with words.
      This blog is my go to for all the info on lite and the sfa, comedy gold.
      Stay safe in your quest for the truth
      No legacy is so rich as honesty.

      Donation on its way.

  7. The level of delusion is remarkable. It’s obvious for many that TRFC is their life, their raison d’être and they will believe anything from King. I pity them, truly, what a sad, fucked up existence. This whole charade looks like the last throw of the dice from King. I wonder how his departure will be spun? No, in fact, I can already imagine the headlines from the poisonous SMSM. King appears to be under increasing pressure and his envy of all things Celtic is gratifying, he is ‘obsessed’ and as he leads this dysfunctional clumpany towards a new abyss he is pumping those gullibillies as hard as he can. Yeee Haaaaaaa. Long may it last.

  8. Amnesty donation sent and will be followed with more.
    On a personal note you have mentioned that you were a decent footballer in your youth,
    you also mentioned a fondness for Largs Thistle , did you at any time play for them ?.
    Keep your chin up and your head down if that is possible at the same time.

  9. JJ Another contribution made this morning. More to follow as and when finances dictate. I hope my email re financing the Speakeasy reached you ok ?? Only trying to offer possible alternatives to sustain our great site. Cheers

  10. In a parallel universe not so faraway, in a D K Maxx, a Rangers fan wonders if the simmet ‘n drawers he’s just bought is last years, this years or next years.

  11. A meritous exercise in unspinning Sevco.

    The fact it has to be done, unspinning a football club, is hilarious.

    As long as Jabba is involved we will all know automatically that fibs are being churned out. And all for what? It costs money this spin and doesn’t change performances on the field of play.

    The reason is to dupe Sevco fans, keep them in a deluded state and milk them incessantly. The spin is necessary to con the stupid (including any foolish passing investor).

    So keep on unspinning and perhaps you’ll save a few honest folks the shirt on their back.

  12. The old merchandising contract is defunct.

    King, Murray and their Board have negotiated, approved and signed off on a new contract.

    They have said it’s a great deal. They cannot now blame Ashley for anything at all. Or criticize this new agreement. It’s their work.

    King and Murray’s sound bites about how they would run the club and the £50m investment for a well funded club never happened.

  13. RFC seem to exist where normal rules which everyone else has to obey don’t apply. The players you mention should be straight on to the PFA however they will find the CEO of that organisation is every bit a Rangers man as the men of the SFA and will not be so disposed to assisting this seasons dead wood with one eye on acceding to the wishes of the establishment club.

  14. I can exclusively reveal on this award winning site that Dave King has been awarded this year’s Stephen Covey Motivation and Leadership award for sustained excellence. This award has been couriered from Parkhead and sent to Ibrox with a card signed by Peter Lawwell and Brendan Rodgers. The card is a simple one and says merely ‘Thanks for the 12 point advantage before a ball has been kicked. We have posted your motivational comments in the Celtic dressing room. The lads are so up for it that they returned early from their summer break’.

    Really. What IS King thinking of. By going public to say that Celtic have only won two on the trot? That ten in a row won’t happen? That they should be further ahead than they currently are (after finishing a season undefeated, a treble in the cabinet and 39 points ahead of Rangers)?

    What utter vacuous nonsense. Now, I know that he is not the sharpest blade in the drawer but this stuff has moved into Loudon Tavern territory propelled by a few gallons of lager.

    A class act of a chairman would have publicly congratulated Celtic on a stunning season, full of new records for Scottish football and gently reminded them that Rangers would work hard to make it more of a contest next season. But no, he has boxed himself in with, frankly, disrespectful and disingenuous quotes.

    Advantage Celtic BEFORE a ball has been kicked. Remarkable.

    As an aside, one of my favorite and REAL motivators in football was the understated but classy and serial winner, Bob Paisley. Liverpool drew Aberdeen in a European competition in the 80s and Bob went public to say that they (Aberdeen) must be considered favourites, especially because Gordon Strachan was one of the finest midfielders in Europe (!). Gordon loved the compliment, dribbled his way to a standstill and Liverpool won with ease.

    Dave King just can’t keep quiet and the lapdog press can’t stop fawning at his feet.

    Hilarious stuff. This is a never ending soap opera which has moved in to the realms of an Elsteee Studio ‘Carry On’ film.

    A hoot.

    1. CCK’s latest diatribe is so far into the realm of fantasy fiction it is off the shelf. For a club chairman to come out with such garbage suggests to me that the fan base need to be buttered up to buy into con that the 4 season the new club played in the lower leagues didn’t happen. Disrespecting every other team in Scotland by suggesting that seasons where a Rangers weren’t competing in the top league don’t count. Surprised he didn’t suggest that Celtic receive a handicap to allow his club to compete on a level playing field. Dissociated himself with his own contribution to the administration and liquidation.

      Everything is about rallying the mugs into buying season tickets. When Celtic run away with the league this coming season one wonders what excuses will be given to the punters.

      Having levered out the previous club management team without compensation (to date) he seems to be repeating the trick with players deemed surplus to the latest managerial genius/guru. One would like to imagine PFA Scotland are looking after the interests of its members.

    2. If anything he is insulting everyone except Celtic though. He has basically said that there is no other side capable of even challenging them.

      He has written the motivational speech for every other club though.

  15. Mensch that was a crackingly funny but fundamentally accurate summation of The Class of Ibrox 2017

    I love a laugh on a Sunday afternoon and King has delivered in a big way

    Listen to BR and PL they are planning legacies not snide sound bites

    Cannot wait to see how TRFC unravel in the new season


  16. Yes TM,spot on.Thanks GASL for the motivation and for being a total crook.Even mad mental wee Shorty thinks you’re mad,and that takes some doing! At least your crowd won’t be singing their anti-Catholic “songs”due to your team being “blessed”with,er,RCs.Will they ?

  17. I’m a young 75 year old lurker and would like to take advantage off your amnesty, I’d be happy to donate £10 a year to things going as they are, could you post again how I can do this through paypal .

  18. King’s comments regarding SPFL titles not being valid without Sevco in the top tier, as it’s a private battle between Celtic and Sevco, kindoff falls over when one points out that Aberdeen bettered Sevco to second spot last year.

    King clearly does not engage brain before speaking.

    Will the SPFL censure him for bringing their league into disrepute? Or the SFA fine him for bringing the game into disrepute?

    Is he even fit and proper to be in the game?

    1. Perhaps it’s only really a Bona Fide title with Aberdeen and Celtic in the league?

      Scotland doesn’t need a Rangers Dave.

  19. Hello JJ.
    Contacted you some time ago on my difficulties with PayPal here in Thailand and a solution would be for you to ask PayPal to bill. Jesse Norton (Norton Fabrication. USA) did this for me after I explained my problems with PayPal here in Thailand.
    You said you would get back to me with a proposal. Know you are busy but I do not wish to be blocked if I read an interesting post.
    I am retired (Early) owing to losing my job on 27th December 2014.
    Take care and go safe

    1. Yet The Dive Inn, in Thailand, can contribute. There are individuals who wish to kill me. You might be genuine, you might not be. I cannot take the risk of disclosing my location.

      1. Hi JJ,
        Is the Dive Inn located in Koh Phangan??
        If it is?? Will contact their facebook page. If successful contact is made I will make a donation to their business bank account from my Thai bank ‘KTB’, via internet. They can then pass on to you.
        Just a possible solution

  20. Even if he is genuine it’s a fcuking stupid question to pose in an open forum.
    You could reasonably star that you have no idea and only made the point in reference to his perceived “Thailand” issue

  21. I can vouch for Tam Daley. He and I belong to a semi respectable Facebook group. He does not hide behind a nom de plume. Bides near Ch———m.
    I also reside in Thailand and cannot get my subscription to you.

      1. Hello JJ.

        If people living in Thailand register a credit card with Paypal using an UK address, Paypal page will be in English. I have a UK bank credit card but my registered address for statements etc, is in Chaiyaphum, Thailand.
        Enter “Thailand” when registering my card with Paypal and the page changes to Thai script. I cannot read Thai, that is my problem trying to send a donation.

        Have contacted the “Dive Inn” on facebook and they have not replied, if they do I will suggest they bill me for an item 1,000.00 baht (Just over 10GBP).
        No one contacts me, then sadly seems like I will not be able to donate for the amnesty.

        Take care and go safe

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