Doctored Feelgood at Rangers Lite

Having played his last lacklustre game for Preston North End in the English Championship on the 16th August last year, Liquidation-Denier Chris Union Jack announced to the gullibillies that Joe Garner had been signed for £1.8m. It was a lie of the first ordure created by James Traynor and repeated verbatim by Clotted Weir’s  cub reporter. Rumour has it that Jack’s dental  retainer spells out WATP. The undisclosed fee was then reported on Transfermarkt at £1.47m. Traynor played it down as he anticipated more scrutiny than would be evident in the SMSM. The Lite-facing sports hacks love nothing more than a Doctored Feelgood narrative to shift copy. This site has more hits on a daily basis than there are sales at The Herald and its Engine Room Subsidiary, The Evening Times.

However they are not the only Glasgow organs on the slide, with sales at The Rectum at an all time low of 147,000. With a year-on-year slump of 16.4% it’s evident that only the lowest common denominator of Lite fans continue to read The Rectum. Those who argue the toss for their online coverage should note that their parent group, Trinity Mirror, has been subject to a year-on-year collapse of its share price of 21.64%.

So after thirty-one Scottish Premiership games, twenty-one starts and ten games in which he came on as a substitute, Garner is now back in The English Championship at a lower ranked club in Ipswich. With seven goals and more head bandages than one is likely to see in an episode of MASH, Transfermarkt are reporting his ‘undisclosed’ fee at £935,000.

Which begs one question:

Did Rangers take a £900,000 bath on Joe Garner?

Liquidation-Denier Jack is deftly avoiding this apparent loss as he knows that his original figure of £1.8m was, as James Joyce was want to say, shite and onions.

Let’s look at the facts. A football agent source revealed that the actual quantum received by Preston North End was £225,000.

Joe Garner is one of the worst players I have ever seen in light blue. He made Dodo seem relevant. Shifting him at cost was a good bit of business given that his market value on Transfermarkt has slumped to £510,000. At 29 he should be in his prime scoring goals for fun. However he chose to headbutt defenders with a view to inducing concussion.

Garner was a one-man guided missile of North Korean manufacture.

He was lucky to get out of dodge prior to the cull. Players are being sent home from training with impunity. They know that their former manager was ‘resigned’  and that if they took matters to the PFA, former Rangers player Fraser Wishart might not have their best interests at heart. Thumb over third knuckle handshakes would be the ordure of the day.

Why would anyone ever choose to play for a club who treat their coaches and players with contempt? Why would any promising player choose to play for a club with a holding group chairman who is a criminal balloon who makes as much sense as Sly Stallone on helium?

The cream of Scottish players have turned their backs on Rangers Lite, with players such as Scott Allan preferring to play in Celtic’s reserve squad than a guaranteed start in Lite’s midfield.

After the debacle of ‘Going For 55’, Joey Barton and Dave King on acid, can we look forward to Caixinha’s Gypsey Kings with any confidence?





26 thoughts on “Doctored Feelgood at Rangers Lite”

  1. Hey JJ
    If you get some spare time, How do you fancy penning a short letter to Progres regarding FPP and eligibility?

    I’d maybe try to ensure that their fans catch sight of it too as well as their chairman.

    I’ll crowd fund this extra-curricular task by an extra £5 bet donation for the letter and a further £5 if successful.

    I’m sure a few readers would join me in this…think about the comedy value !!!

    And I need to stress that I say that with the outcome not exactly a foregone conclusion

    “Belt and braces” as they say in Yorkshire !!!

    1. Meant to say “net” donation with me covering PayPal fees.
      As an aside (and coincidentally on the point of a bet) BET365 have refused to offer me odds on “Progres”progressing to the next round.
      I was careful to articulate that distinction.

    2. Actually if you think about it, an appeal (if upheld) would start the chain reaction that would flush out Regan and the SFA . No way the MSM could throw a blanket over that mushroom cloud.

  2. 8 Gypsey Kings up against the 4th best team in Luxembourg. If they do not Progres would they be Gypsey Paupers.

  3. Didn’t it come out in the ‘dirty laundry’ that the £1,800,000 “Transfer Fee” also included ALL remuneration to be paid to the player over his period of contract. One can’t help but feel that the same business practice has been carried out this season with some of the numbers been ‘Bandied’ about around the ‘New Amigos’ by the SCUM smsm. Any chance of a ‘Sweep Stake’ on when TRFC will first need their annual distress loans in the upcoming season. 🙂
    P.S What will be the main language expressed in the Sevco dressing-room this season.

  4. JJ

    For all the sectarianism that existed in buckets and endures today, there did genuinely seem (granted only at points) some Presbyterian stoic steel that did at least hint at some dignity.

    This has definitely gone and we now have the spectacle of Arthur Daley running the club with Del Boy running the team – it’s a great comedic recipe, but not everyone will be laughing.

    The continued propping up with “down the toilet” loans is ludicrous – has anyone any update on the condition of the stadium & this year’s safety certificate?

    When the cold shoulder hits all bills will be required to pay in cash or additional “toilet” loans

    The turds are circling in the bowl.


    1. The Cold Shoulder is such a concern that a seasoned observer like Ashley is prepared to wash his hands of this failing business. Puma will also walk away when their advance is repaid by sales of the laughing stock. They have both worked out that King is a total prick who for once cannot bribe or intimidate his way out of criminal activity and that he is so thick that he does not realise that the club is circling around a drain. If he continues he will take the club with him.

  5. The three amigos led by the magic hat must be looking on with great interest at the “spend now, worry later” business culture at Ibrokes. Bearing in mind that these guys have clear grounds for constructive dismissal has JJ heard any whispers regarding this, the ringfencing of settlement monies and any likelihood of success?

    Now that would put a spanner in the works for the 5th best manager in Qatar and the guy with the best squad in the Scottish game.

  6. The Cold Shoulder is a massively serious charge and rarely applied. Lots of ‘odd’ things happen in the City daily but these events never get to this level.

    Amazingly, this major event goes unreported in the Scottish press. It’s as if dear but dim King had been given a parking ticket from Kensington and it remains unpaid. THIS IS A SERIOUS CHARGE AND THE SCOTTISH JOUURNALISTS WHO READ THIS SITE SHOULD REPORT THAT.

    King will not only be ineligible to be a director of the Rangers holding company, but he will be ineligible to go to an ATM and withdraw a couple of hundred pounds.

    This is a really serious charge, short of a jail sentence which will finish him.

    It is remarkable that his numbered days at Ibrox don’t warrant a mention in the Scottish papers.

  7. You’re on the right lines with the Garner deal, but some of your claims are wrong. PNE received £225,000 in full and final payment for Garner’s services. The £1.8m figure cooked up by Jabba from his pretend offices in Blythswood Square was arrived at by adding the total value of Garner’s wages over the length of his three-year contract, an estimation of what win bonuses he would, er, garner, over the same period.

    And then, of course, adding the agents’ fees, which were nearer £40,000 than £300,000, then just add a random figure on top to arrive at the figure you want. This method is, of course, heavily employed at clubs who want their support to believe that the cash is being splashed. Newcastle United under Ashley employ this tactic to an egregious extent.

    The above information was double sourced through an employee of PNE, and a journalist at the Lancashire Evening Post who does the PNE beat, among others.

    The biggest clue, of course, to the absurdity of the £1.8m/£1m figures is that the ludicrous idea that Sevco could afford and £800,000.

    So like I say, you’ve arrived at the right destination, but by an erroneous set of directions.

  8. Contact e-mail for Progres Niederkorn is if anyone wants to send a lovely message to them about lack of FFP and a myriad of other systemic problems in Scottish football.Clean up this omnishambles.

  9. Well it took stv two days to catch up with JJ that O’Halloran and Halliday were ordered to play with the youth squad.

    They reported today that Barrie MacKay has received the same treatment. Three days after JJ.

    This guy was reportedly being punted to Red Bull Leipzig months ago by the Daily R and ET for £6m. Oh how we laughed. Today’s news re Barrie MacKay shows the DR and ET up as shameless pro Sevco propaganda news sheets.

    Don’t buy them.

  10. Hi JJ. How much profit do you think Sevco will make from the game on Thursday, considering the deal they cut with Premier Sports (percentage rather than lump sum as they were banking on a sellout)? £850k against a 4th place team from Luxembourg?

  11. Does this explain the ‘lack of stock’ statement from the club?
    Puma have recouped their loss and will no longer manufacture shirts and distance themselves from Sevco?

  12. I’m of the opinion Pedro C is getting rid of better players than he’s bringing in.

    The ones arriving appear to be cheaper. If you can imagine such a thing.

    It’s a downright travesty for fans.

    On a positive note, Kenny Miller is going to bring them on. We are told.

    I can hear his usual post match tv interviews right now, “it’s not good enough, the fans deserve better”

  13. Emergency loans have to be repaid or converted to shares They cannot get a share listing whilst King gives two fingers to the Takeover Board King gets free first class flights and there’s no evidence he has given money in the last 5 years. This is a club with now over $7,000,000 unpaid loans that will probably never be paid back, no access to a share issue with an unproven product and no credit facilities. If you do business with them then get cash before handing over goods or services.

  14. JJ. Been going through the archives, fascinating stuff. Donation made. Enjoy the Barolo.

    JJ: Thank you. Barolo, when I can afford it, is a grand tipple.

  15. Tut tut! JJ. You’re intro is a classic dangling participle. I’m shocked lol!

    Other than that, absolutely on the money again.

    The thought of the club from Luxembourg protesting about having to play Sevco is a nocturnal emission! Oh that it were to pass!

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