The Whistle Blower

My exclusive news that Kenny Miller was not ‘rested’ but subject to an enforced absence due to his ridicule of ‘Banger’ Caixinha’s training methods has not gone down well at Auchenhowie. Who would have thought that they hang on my every word?

Slim Shady Traynor would like us all to believe that the team are thriving in invigorating hydroponic team baths, before donning their kaftans and making daisy chains as laurels for each other, while singing:

 

However the prosaic facts of the matter is that Jupiter is not aligning with Mars. Kenny was called in for a tea with no biscuits meeting with Slim Shady. No biscuits for Kenny at least, but the rustling in Traynor’s pockets betrayed the presence of a rogue comestible:

Slim Shady knows that there is a tsunami of bad news coming down the pike. The Chairman’s statement as a foreword to the accounts will almost certainly be his last. Who can doubt that it will be a quintessential compound of mendacity and chutzpah? King has honed his crooked craft while manipulating the improbable returns of his corporate confidence trick, MHG.

A nugget of information from Micromega Holding’s annual report of 2011 is instructive. MICROmega implemented a whistle blowing policy in 2011 in order to demonstrate its commitment to working towards a culture of fairness, openness and transparency.

In conjunction with the whistle blowing policy, the MICROmega Holdings Ethics Hotline, which remains independently operated by KPMG, provides employees with a mechanism to anonymously bring any unethical business practices to the attention of management. All reports received from the Ethics Hotline are forwarded to the designated representatives at MICROmega and to the Audit Committee for review and consideration is made as to whether the action taken by the designated representative was appropriate or whether further action is required. No incidents were reported.

One of the many charges levelled against KPMG in South Africa is that they colluded in an attempt for the Guptas (an Indian-born South African business family with a finger in every pie) to take over SARS and to destroy honest tax inspectors who were allegedly part of a rogue investigation unit. Current leaks and investigations show this all to be fantasy.

When one reverts to 2014 one will note the slew of web stories that appeared suggesting that King’s multiple tax convictions could be without substance because of this rogue unit.

Isn’t it interesting to note that KPMG had a business relationship with Mr King through the administration of Micromega’s ethics committee? Surely this august accountancy firm was not lobbying on King’s behalf?

Should I blow the whistle on their conspiracy to undermine SARS?

You have got to hand it to King. When it comes to being a career criminal King takes the Club Orange.

With a budget that is stretched by cones and bibs, Auchenhowie is little more than a soup kitchen to the two groups who refuse to break bread together. Kenny has let it be known that there will be no ‘Johnny Foreigners‘  in his WhatsApp group. The Rangers Lite boot camp is not a pluralistic society. One can but hope that Kenny is not sent to the ‘naughty step’ and told to report for training at 5 a.m.

As the Lite charabanc limps forward with fuel siphoned from a Parks of Hamilton bus, the envy of the accounts posted by Celtic plc is as green as the driver’s screening glass. The headlines are as follows:

Group revenue increased by 74.2% to £90.6m

 Operating expenses increased by 33.3% to £76.3m

 Gain on sale of player registrations of £2.3m (2016: £12.6m)

 Profit before taxation of £6.9m (2016: £0.5m)

 Year-end cash net of bank borrowings of £17.9m (2016: £3.6m)

 Investment in football personnel of £13.8m (2016: £8.8m)

 

There are a number of takeaways from these as yet unaudited highlights. One knew that year-on-year revenue would be improved as the 6-month results of £61.2m were indicative of an upward trend. However a 74.2% increase is unprecedented. Champions League revenue, and the box-office generated by The Brendan Rodgers effect, have added circa £40m to the P&L.

A pre-tax profit of almost £7m is not too shabby. This is the kind of quantum that Lite will need to complete their season.

Almost £18m in cash despite £5m more expended on football personnel suggests  that the board have a firm grip on the tiller. If player registrations disposal had been at the same level as 2016, Celtic plc would be a £100m company. If Van Dyke eventually gets a move to Liverpool, next year’s results will be fast approaching this quantum.

With these figures underpinning Celtic’s success, ten-in-a-row is a realistic prospect. Only blatant referee bias of the type last seen in the Struth era, and complacency, stand in the path of the Invincible Celtic Juggernaut.

 

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15 thoughts on “The Whistle Blower”

  1. Ill tell you this if any of the people that used to work for me back in the days in the 60s and 70s were using technlongy behind my back to communicate I would have sacked them their on the spot they stood. I had some trusded staff and family members who would drink in the same pubs to here what people were on the shop floor were saying and bring it back to me so maybe pedro should do something same.

    Snitches get stitches.

    Regards

    Seamus

    1. Where was that Seamus, East Germany? Mind you we all know the story about the Big Man phoning Jinky when he was in the pub…
      Donation on the way JJ.

  2. I wonder how many of Scotland’s finest sports or financial journos will draw attention to the inevitable fact of Sevco’s figures being devoid of specifics, written in pencil on two sides of a sheet of A4, but issued with a chairman’s statement full of badly written but optimistic bombast with the fingerprints of James Traynor all over it.

    No, it will be reported on without comment and quickly consigned to history, along with their integrity and professionalism.

  3. One of the many reasons which makes this site so popular isn’t just the excellence of JJs articles. It’s a turn of phrase by a contributor which elicits a smile.

    Step forward Seamus. Snitches get stitches! It could even be Yiddish.

    Terrific.

  4. 4 Weekly donation made, plus a bit extra for a larger Java
    while waiting for the Court of Session holidays to end.

    JJ: Cheers buddy. Due to your generous contributions I’m never short of caffeine.

  5. I would imagine that Fatboy Traynor’s reporting of the forthcoming Sevco/R***ers accounts will put him in the running for either a Booker or Pulitzer prize for best fiction!
    Wee donation made.

    JJ: Confirmed. Very gratefully received buddy.

  6. with all that money, celtic could offer, for their own fans protection, to carry out the recommended woolgar hunter repairs on the away stand at ibrox in turn for the naming rights which could be The EBT Stand….. Erected By Tim……..

  7. I had some trusted staff and family members who would drink in the same pubs to hear what people were saying on the shop floor and bring it back to me

    Surely the ones coming back to you were snitches also and anyway what were you running or doing that people would not like in your employment? What was it you were running that was illegal? Were you using casual labour?

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