Tinseltown In The Rain

As Celtic show their commitment to Kieran Tierney with a new six year deal, Rangers Lite have decided that their ‘international ambassador‘ Bomber Brown deserves a real job as a domestic scout. Bomber is one of the odious group which led the reprehensible behaviour at the AGM in 2014 when the last professional board at Lite were described as ‘rhats‘ as they took shelter in what became known as The Gazebo. The board knew that Brown and Halloween Houston, at King’s behest, were fomenting unrest and had looked into the possibility of holding the AGM in London. Threats to burn down the hotel and assassinate the staff put paid to that idea.

Why did Bomber get involved in the social unrest? He was no longer on the guest list for a free nosebag in the Argyle Suite! The man who does not have the intellect or education to be a matchday ambassador remains on the payroll due to services rendered to King.

However if Brown chapped your door looking to sign your son, would any self-respecting parent entrust their progeny to this unhinged knife? Or would they prefer Brendan Rodgers dropping round for tea, safe in the knowledge that if their son was good enough Celtic would provide him with the security of a six year deal? Leaving any club allegiances aside, as should be the case for any aspiring professional football player, Lennoxtown would be one’s only choice. Lite are so poor that they no longer have a reserve team which is just as well as their colts are a mediocre lot.

Those of you who follow my Twitter feed  @sitonfence will have noticed that I have gone all-in on a Dundee United exclusive. An exclusive that Stephen Thompson is determined to keep under wraps. Is it possible that the deal he concluded with U.S. interests on Sunday is being concealed to await a NYSE advisory notice? My impeccable source is also all-in on this deal. As is so often the case you heard it here first.

Combining several disparate strands of information to keep my readers abreast of the salient details in Scottish football leads inexorably to tonight’s game at Celtic Park. As Lite receives yet another knock back from former Club Brugge coach Michel Preud’homme (who unlike Primark Pedro is on protracted gardening leave) Celtic play host to a Bayern Team minus the threat of Lewandowski. If there were any thoughts that the Celtic defenders were in for an easy shift, James Rodriguez will soon disabuse them of this notion. The Colombian attacking midfielder is as good as Manchester City’s De Bruyne. He cost his parent club Real Madrid 75 million euros. His loan fee for two seasons at Bayern Munich is 13 million euros.

When one consider Celtic’s investment in football personnel in the year to 30 June 2017 of £13.8m and deducts the £2.3m accrued from player disposals, their net spend in one year is less than this loan deal for one player.

Despite this there are those who believe that Celtic can prevail in this evening’s game. Far be it for me to be a spectre at the jelly and ice-cream feast but is there any corroborating evidence to support this perspective? Celtic were outstanding against Aberdeen but with every respect due to Scotland’s second best club they did not challenge Celtic’s makeshift centre backs in the same manner that one might anticipate from Bayern Munich.

I can think of two reasons why Celtic should do well this evening: the conspicuous absence of Müller and Lewandowski. Bayern have a squad valued at 600 million euros but will travel tonight without a recognised striker unless they draft in the relatively untested Kwasi Okyere Wriedt.

In their game against Leipzig on Saturday, Thiago replaced Müller, with Rodriguez on the left and Robben on the right of Lewandowski. In the latter’s absence and that of Müller both wingers have goals in their lockers. There is also a clear and present danger from the forceful runs of Corentin Tolisso and the aerial prowess of Joshua Kimmich. The latter is deadly from set pieces.

Celtic won’t have a better chance to prevail against the leaders of the Bundesliga but they will have to be at their very best. If they go toe-to-toe with Bayern, as Rodgers has hinted in his press conference, we could be witness to a memorable European night at Celtic Park.

I don’t have an an envious bone in my body but I would give my eye-teeth to be at Celtic Park this evening. Rodriguez and Robben will be a handful but if they can be neutralised Celtic could provide an upset. Will FC Hollywood, Tinseltown, be in the rain?

















Desperate Times at Rangers Lite

Despite being in and out of Europe in three hours, with Progres being somewhat limited by the fourth best team in Luxembourg, it would seem that the lite fans brought home a souvenir. A vile chant that was spawned in the leafy squares of Niederkorn is now doing the rounds in Scottish football grounds.

In a new addition to the incessant sectarian soundtrack comes the following:

The Lisbon Lions won’t see ten in a row.”

As Celtic fans rightly venerate the fiftieth anniversary of an achievement that was unprecedented in Northern Europe at that time, and has never been matched by any Scottish club, the knuckle draggers seem to be eating sour plums again. However their response to criticism about this vile chant took my breath away:

It’s only a song. What about your songs about the Ibrox disaster?”

I have never been a regular at Celtic Park but I have seen highlights from the majority of their matches. In a timeline that spans a couple of decades, I have never heard a chant of this nature. An exercise in faux whataboutery is a sorry excuse for the inexcusable.

BBC Scotland, who took umbrage when one of their reporters was banned from Ibrox for a report on the vile chants from the lowest common denominator of Scottish football supporters, known by the collective noun as ‘Scotland’s Shame‘, have now been browbeaten into silence.

Or are the BBC just incompetent? BBC Scotland have a dedicated page on Dundee United yet they have not picked up on my exclusive that Stephen Thompson and his board have sold out to U.S. interests. Did the clocks go back at BBC Scotland or have they stopped? For The Klan in the photograph – including the delightfully named Livingston Combat Company – the clocks stopped in 1690.

As we fast forward to the present day giving The Klan a nosebleed, it would seem that there is some elation in the ranks apropos Murty’s charges beating the spent force that is Hearts FC. One comedian on our comments board suggested that Murty would be manager of the month in November. I guess if those who decide ‘swing the lead‘ this may not be as fanciful as it seems.

With the exception of Keith Jackson, who is always good for a laugh as we start the working week, I rarely read anything from Trinity Mirror’s beleaguered Scottish titles. As I was perusing The Clumpany’s satire, I came across a piece by Michael Gannon that compared Rangers Lite to a 72 ounce steak.

Had he suggested that Lite were a large Cow Pie that only Desperate Dan could get his teeth into, his metaphor might have had some traction.

Of course Gannon stopped short as his title is being boycotted by the Lisbon Lions Recidivists Choir. Despite the mixed metaphors Gannon may be on to something when he asserted that the botched appointment of Caixinha had set back Lite by a year.

When Primark Pedro inherited Warburton’s squad, he sat in the stands as Lite earned an unlikely draw when Bobby Madden looked the other way as Leigh Griffiths was felled by a waist-high tackle from behind just as he was about to net Celtic’s winner. It was a penalty and red card all day long, but not on Madden’s watch.


Madden even had the audacity to ask Griffiths if it was a penalty. Madden is a blatant cheat who should play no part in any game involving Celtic or Rangers Lite. He wears his support for the latter on his sleeve.

The Lite supporters partied like it was a tax-evading 1999. Murty had put a smile on their faces. However Lite were still 24 points behind Celtic. After Pedro took charge they finished 39 points adrift and suffered the ignominy of a 5-1 reverse at Ibrox, which is referred to colloquially in Glasgow as ‘a total humping.’

Caixinha should have been sacked on the spot, but with the Progres game only a matter of weeks away he was spared. No-one could ever accuse the Lite board of not having a sense of humour. Primark Pedro was comedy gold. He was Mr. Bean in a light blue tracksuit.

Debate is raging on other forums about Jim Delahunt’s statement that McInnes will be unveiled as the Lite manager on Wednesday. Has he been tipped off by the Aberdeen manager’s agent, or is he flying a kite supplied by Level 5? His credibility – is that too strong a word for Delahunt where the ‘h’ in his surname is regularly replaced by a ‘c’ – will be shot to pieces should McInnes not emerge from the Blue Room with a face painted like a Cheshire Cat.

If this were to occur and Stewart Milne accepted compensation on the ‘never never’ the Aberdeen fans would be quick to pick up their pitchforks. Milne is an SFA lickspittle. If he was a lickspittle to the SFA’s eleven, he would be as popular as Salman Rushdie in a Tehran mosque.

I suspect the unseen gout-riddled hands of Slim Shady Traynor are behind this. The Ibrox board don’t have the £1.5m it would take to buy McInnes out of his new contract. However they would like us to believe that this quantum is within their gift.

Murty is the obvious choice. He has the confidence of the ‘Whatsapp’ crew, notably Wallace and Miller, and will stand idly by as the Qatari owned players head south. Their tenure at Ibrox was always going to be temporary. Pedro Mendes has a plan.

The History Bhoys

This is as good a time as any to inform my readers that this site was the furthest thing from my mind just over two years ago. I had written to other sites such as LSE and RSL and I was happy to leave it there. As the RSL was packing up their tent one of their number informed me that my comments were hitting home the hardest in the Ibrox boardroom. There was a clamour by the SMSM lickspittles to find out who I was and to discredit me. Despite three credible death threats and an enforced exile, I’m still standing. I had no idea that telling the truth would exact such a high premium.

I am inordinately proud of The Sitonfence Speakeasy which I curate with as light a touch as possible. I accept views that I don’t necessarily agree with. I solicit insights. However if someone comes on to our board and posts an exclusive, as occurred yesterday apropos Whitehouse & Clark, I have it checked at source. My contacts are second to none. Other bloggers may pretend to know what’s going on and wax lyrical in reams of creative purple prose, but I cut through the fat to get to the bone. Whitehouse & Clark have not settled with Police Scotland or The Crown Office & Procurator Fiscal Service (COPFS). The matter will proceed to a hearing at The Court Of Session on November 15.

Suffice to say that having their dirty laundry aired in public is the last thing that COPFS and Police Scotland want. Many millions from the public purse have been squandered pursuing a conspiracy theory. They could not nail Whyte which was ‘their get out of  jail  free card.’ Police were despatched to my parents house to stop me reporting on these court proceedings. They threatened me with Contempt of Court. I kept going and provided my readers with exclusive coverage as others not in the loop hid behind their lay membership of a journalist’s union. How heroic of them.

I risked two years in prison by laying out their incompetence for all to see. My forensic analysis was praised highly by the founding father of Rangers Lite and one of his successors. They followed my coverage closely and were surprised by its accuracy.

If indicative figures are to be believed and the compensation is as punitive as it should be, this wild goose chase will cost north of £10m. Are these individuals not accountable to anyone? Will the £10m be buried in a £15b deficit?

The second takeaway from the comment was that the former Duff & Phelps duo wanted DCI Robertson and Jim Keegan’s heads on a plate. COPFS and Police Scotland are closing ranks. Robertson will be retired in the way managers of his team are ‘resigned.’ Keegan will never be invited to prosecute a case for the Crown again. However this will be carefully choreographed to avoid too much scrutiny of their incompetence. Both parties will be doing everything in their power to pay off Whitehouse and Clark and to secure an NDA. If COPFS and Police Scotland avoid their day in court you will be apprised of it first on this site.

Willie Maley’s Celtic 1916-1917 team.

I digress. Yesterday was a landmark day in Scottish football. Celtic equalled their own 100 year UK record by playing 62 domestic matches without defeat. A truly remarkable accomplishment. Should they avoid defeat in Perth on Saturday in the lunchtime kick off, history will be made. However The History Bhoys, with five changes in their starting line up, failed to ignite Celtic Park with a win. Kilmarnock’s defence held firm and produced an equaliser on the hour mark.

Rodgers’ decision to rest players came unstuck when Paddy Roberts limped off with a hamstring injury. Sinclair coming off the bench lined up in his usual left flank position with Celtic debutant Johnston switching to the right. Even the introduction of Dembele did not break the deadlock. Steve Clarke had come for a point and achieved his objective. No-one expected them to go toe-to-toe with the Celtic juggernaut. Clarke would have almost certainly watched the tape of the Aberdeen v Celtic game. His decision to shut up shop did not surprise anyone.

So how good are The History BhoysFormer Aberdeen captain and now BBC Scotland pundit had this to say:

I know it’s difficult for the Aberdeen fans tonight but they should appreciate what they are seeing here. They are seeing a football team in the shape of Celtic playing at the very highest level. We don’t often see this in Scotland. It’s normally the top teams in Europe that play like this. Celtic have produced a performance that has been outstanding.”

Praise from Caesar and on this occasion not McNeil. Will they be in the same scintillating form on Tuesday when Bayern Munich line up against them? Only their very best will be good enough and on balance this is unlikely to be enough. The Champions League is a high maintenance and often cruel mistress.

It has been a tumultuous week at Rangers Lite. Robertson, Park and the odious Dickson hired an imposter to take charge at Lite. The egg in the quiche that has formed on their tiger-painted faces could be cut in slices. Caixinha’s appointment was a clusterfuck of an omnishambles. The spin from the lickspittle press fashioned Primark Pedro as a modern day version of children’s cartoon character Mr. Benn.

Every day more shit was shovelled than in a one hundred hectare organic farm. Mr. Benn was initially cast as a bullfighter. In his final guise he was as addicted to winning as a vampire is addicted to blood. It was bullshit of the first ordure and it kept coming. Pedro was not running with the bulls in Pamplona. It was soon evident that a much more likely setting for Mourinho’s mannequin was La Tomatina and that he was sinking fast under the weight of rotten tomatoes.


How was any manager supposed to challenge Celtic after only one transfer window and a £10m Qatari supermarket sweep? How many times can this incompetent board pull The Gullibillies chain?

As many as they like apparently. In a vain attempt to remain vital on a day when Celtic were emulating their own history, Chris McLaughlin was briefed that Lite were going to pursue McInnes. Have the rogue board contacted Stewart Milne? Of course not. They prefer to use the media to coerce their targets to join them.

Don’t be fooled by Miller’s brace yesterday. Anyone taking the corner office in Murray Park will have an insurmountable task with a limited budget. There is more likelihood of Administration than a credible challenge to Celtic. Even if McInnes was this stupid they could not afford his compensation. This story was the latest Level 5 production. One of a fast dying breed.

Would McInnes’ departure weaken Aberdeen? Would his appointment guarantee second place? Is this the height of the rogue board’s ambition? If Ian Cathro was given Aberdeen’s squad to manage, Lite would at best languish in third place. Cathro was stymied by Levein who was picking the team for him.

After one of the worst second half displays ever seen Levein had the audacity to proclaim that his team were not far away.

What part of 4-6-0 do you not understand son?”

Not far away from what? Lite mediocrity? Is this Levein’s yardstick?

Aberdeen cut the gap at the top to one point by prevailing against the elements and a plucky Ross County. Hibs fashioned a crucial win away to Motherwell fast on the heels of defeating Levein and his yard of flat ale.

As for Hearts, they are finished as a force in Scottish football. They might have a shiny new stand but it won’t be full if Levein’s team fail to turn up in the second half as was the case yesterday.



Dave King & The Art of Sophistry

The following information, in blue italics typeface, has not been edited or amended in any way. It is an accurate and faithful representation of information that can be readily gleaned from the Investor Centre Section of The Rangers website. I have highlighted the key takeaway in red typeface.


Rangers has an issued share capital of 81,478,201 ordinary shares of 1 pence each in the capital of the Company (“Ordinary Shares”).

Major Shareholding (3% or above):

The Company understands that its major shareholders are as follows:

Shareholder No of Ordinary Shares held % of issued share capital
New Oasis Asset Limited 11,869,505 14.57%
Club 1872 Shares CIC 8,732,254 10.71%
George Alexander Taylor 7,575,000 9.30%
Alexander Easdale 5,256,110 6.45%
Douglas Park 5,000,000 6.14%
Julian Wolhardt 3,632,500 4.45%
River and Mercantile Asset Management LLP 3,523,059 4.32%
George Letham 3,299,515 4.05%
The Ordinary Shares are freely transferable and no Ordinary Shares are held in treasury.

Currently 8,500,000 of the Company’s Ordinary Shares (c. 10.4%) are subject to restrictions affecting the right to vote the affected shares, the right to receive payments or distributions in respect of the affected shares and the right to transfer the affected shares. The affected shares are those identified in the attached Shareholder Information.

Director shareholding interests are as follows:

Dave King has advised that he, his wife and children are interested in all of the shares held by New Oasis Asset Limited (see above for details of that company’s holding)

John Bennett holds 50,000 ordinary shares

Paul Murray holds 570,000 ordinary shares (560,000 of this via his SIPP)”

Despite the clever wording, it clearly states that Dave King has an interest in NOAL. We also note that Dave King’s interest in NOAL was used to call an EGM to gain control and oust the former board. We further note that NOAL have loaned £2.8m to RIFC in which Dave King is Chairman.

As this information is in the public domain, how can King have the audacity to claim that NOAL is an independent company in which he has no executive authority?

However of much more import is whether counsel representing King have misrepresented the facts in his submissions to Lord Bannatyne.

King’s consigliere: Baron Davidson of Glen Clova.

Lord Davidson of Glen Clova also stated that King could not readily access any funds and that he was ‘Penniless.’

As I have stated before your humble author does not just lobby for change. He is proactive in pursuing change and righting injustice. The following letter has been sent by e-mail to the Practice Manager of Mr. Davidson’s chamber, Axiom Advocates.

Dear Ms. Flynn,

I am the creator, author and owner of an award-wining social media site : http://www.johnjamessite.com. I am also a shareholder in RIFC plc. One of your clients, Mr. David Cunningham King of Johannesburg is the self-appointed chairman of the aforementioned company.

One of your most eminent advocates, Lord Davidson of Glen Clova, has in the course of representing Mr. King, made a number of misrepresentation. By way of evidence I enclose an excerpt from the RIFC website which is in the public domain:

‘Director shareholding interests are as follows:

Dave King has advised that he, his wife and children are interested in all of the shares held by New Oasis Asset Limited (see above for details of that company’s holding)’

Our Learned Friend, Lord Davidson, asserted on the 13th October at The Court of Session that Mr King does not have ready access to funds, yet Mr King publicly proclaims that he has an interest in New Oasis Asset Limited, a company that has recently loaned £2.8m to the company in which he has appointed himself as chairman.

Lord Davidson claimed that Mr King does not have the wherewithal to set aside £11m in an escrow account to comply with the edicts of The Takeover Panel Executive. However Mr. King has this quantum and more from the recent sale of his company’s trading division.

Mr King has been described by a senior South African judge as a ‘Glib & Shameless Liar’ and has received a suspended prison sentence in another court as a consequence of his mendacity.

Would it be fair to conclude that Lord Davidson has engaged in sophistry?

I will copy Lord Bannatyne’s clerk of court, Lorraine McNamara, on this e-mail. One can but hope that our estimable Lord Ordinary will take a dim view of the fallacious assertions made by the former Advocate General of Scotland. I have also copied The Takeover Panel as should Lord Bannatyne not uphold their petition they may be minded to appeal.

Your sincerely,

John James

cc: lmcnamara@scotcourts.gov.uk;  supportgroup@thetakeoverpanel.org.uk


Should I receive a response from any party I will of course revert to my readers.


RANGERS Football Club announce today (Thursday, October 26, 2017) that Pedro Caixinha has left the Club. The decision to part company with Pedro was taken after careful consideration and the search for a new manager will begin immediately. Pedro was appointed in March this year but results have been disappointing and not commensurate with the level of investment that was made available. Graeme Murty, head development squad coach, will take charge of the first-team in the interim, just as he did earlier this year. The priority is to appoint a new manager as quickly as possible, but the Board will take as much time as is necessary to secure the right person capable of representing Rangers and providing the brand of football supporters rightly expect. We, the Board, appreciate this is a difficult time for all Rangers supporters and we thank you for your patience and know Graeme and the players will receive your full backing in the days ahead.We thank Pedro and his backroom staff for their efforts and commitment and wish them well for the future.”

There is one obvious flaw in the official statement. Charles Green renamed his basket of assets The Rangers Football Club. RFC PLC, renamed RFC 2012 Ltd, is being liquidated.

However there has been so much misinformation on Pedro, primarily from a Donegal-based blogger who is so clearly out of the loop that he is making things up, that many who hang on his every word don’t know their proverbial arse from their elbow. This is the individual who asserted that the board could not afford to dismiss Pedro. Having been caught out in a fat lie he then provides some creative prose to suggest that he has been in the loop all along.

If one wishes to know what’s really going on, if one wishes to read analysis predicated on facts, there are only a few places to go: The Celtic Blog/On Fields of Green, both by James Forrest, and Paul & David’s excellent Celtic Quick News. New kid on the block Celtic News Now is eminently readable. Sites like SFM hang on Phil’s every word and are therefore discounted despite the fact that one of their number, Easyjambo, is eloquent and informed.

One of my sources, who formerly ran the show at Rangers Lite, wrote to me this morning to suggest that interim manager Graeme Murty should look to his own development squad to build a team. I can see the attraction of this approach save one fatal flaw. This approach would require patience which is a trait in short supply on Edmiston Drive. David Edgar, a Rangers supporter who runs his own video-pod, is unequivocal in his statement that Rangers Lite supporters are not patient. One can find his latest broadcast on CQN. A word to the wise. As seems to be the case with most Lite bloggers there is the ubiquitous use of a four letter word beginning with C.

When considering a new Lite manager it’s easier to discount those that are unsuitable than to present a cogent shortlist to replace Pedro. At the top of my unsuitable list is Ally McCoist who called his chums at The Sun to throw his hat into the ring. The following list is from a man who has the best Rangers connections bar none. He and all of my sources are automatically conferred anonymity.


This man is delusional on so many fronts viz

1. He was an atrocious manager.
2. He is notoriously unreliable.
3. He screwed the Club he loved for a huge sum of money whilst tending his garden.
4. He lied to Chairman and fellow Freemason David Somers at the AGM that his votes (proxied to East Kilbride Loyal ) would be cast for Somers.
5. His references to Walter and Souness ignore the EBT scandal.
6. He continually fed King confidential information and is one of the chief plotters who ushered in the disastrous King regime.
7. When a new board and shareholders inevitably take over McCoist will be shunned and his true role revealed. He is a snake.”

Would The Constant Gardiner and his horticultural friend be the ideal ticket at Ibrox?

It’s important at this juncture to note number four on my confidante’s list. When a Freemason makes an undertaking to another Freemason, his word is his bond. This basic premise underpins Freemasonry. McCoist did not care that he would screw over the craft to maintain his position as Rangers manager. He betrayed the board to King to save his own bloated neck.

Number five on my correspondent’s list rightly discounts both Souness and Smith who frankly should both be behind bars for accepting EBT bungs. Not that BBC Scotland minds as any former Rangers manager/player is a friend of the senior management who were appointed by the late Peter Thomson (whose recruitment policy was from the sectarian Ibrox school of thought) and his successor Ulsterman Malcolm Kellard. Thomson had always been suspected of Ibrox affiliations, but when a technical fault prevented the broadcast of the second-half highlights of Celtic’s 7-1 defeat of Rangers in the League Cup final of 1957, he became known thereafter as ‘Blue Peter‘ among Celtic fans.

One of my readers, an Aberdeen fan, also wrote to me this morning to inform me that he attended the Aberdeen v Celtic game on Wednesday evening. He stated that the masterclass by Celtic was inordinately dispiriting. Would McInnes sup from The Loving Cup at The Old Lady of Edmiston Drive? Would he be of a mind that he has taken Aberdeen as far as he can and that he would relish a fresh challenge?

McInnes is a Scottish Cup Final win away from a lucrative English Championship position. His team was very close in last year’s final. There is no reason to discount a deep run in this season’s Scottish Cup. Even teams deemed to be invincible can have off days, particularly when nursing a European hangover.

I will miss the bombast of Mourinho’s mannequin. He was comedy gold. His madcap musings were a throwback to Spike Milligan’s surreal comedy Q. Even as he was being ushered out the door he was protesting that he had always been a Rangers supporter and that he bled blue. Too much bombast not enough bite.

Kenny Miller and Lee Wallace took one look at Pedro and quickly dismissed him. They knew that he was an imposter. Soon everyone knew that he was an imposter. Caixinha reacted by banishing Miller from the first team and banning Lee Wallace from attending the game on Wednesday evening. Is Pedro so thin-skinned that he could not countenance Wallace rolling his eyes at his latest team’s misadventure?

Only those out of a job, or in a dead-end job, would be interested in succeeding Pedro. The attitude of Pena, who thinks training is a voluntary activity, is indicative of a mindset that he is only in it for the money. Alves is a thug who has been found out. With three red cards Ryan Jack evidently does not have the temperament to play at Ibrox.

The Qatari-owned players have their own agenda. Any new manager will require a command of Portuguese, or the services of a translator. These players have one eye on the English Premiership.

So would the new manager do well to dispose of malcontents Miller and Wallace? The latter could be sold to Warburton at Nottingham Forest for just north of £1m in the January window. Miller could also be released.

However with so few credible options would it surprise anyone if Miller was given the nod, or at the very least he was appointed as assistant to the head coach?

Pedro spoke of being a solid second to Celtic and winning a cup. Having lost on Sunday and dropping to fourth in the title race on Wednesday, his ball was on the slates.

He will be best remembered as the man who faced up to his critics from the shrubbery; and the man who arranged £10m of soft investment from an ISIL supporter. Quite a legacy.






Ryan Jack – The Thug’s Apprentice

Matchday ten of this season’s Scottish Premiership told us all we needed to know about the destination of this year’s title. For one hour last night Celtic were unplayable. Aberdeen, who would have fancied their chances prior to this match, were brushed aside by a team firing on all cylinders. Scotland’s Young Player of the Year for the past two seasons, Kieran Tierney, scored the pick of three goals. His interlink play with provider, Dembele, was a joy to behold for the travelling support, particularly when their roles were reversed when the Celtic marksman netted. By the time Dembele added his second, his fourth in two games, the seventh successive title loomed large in the minds of the travelling support.

This was Celtic’s biggest test. They passed it with flying colours, stretching their unbeaten domestic run to a remarkable sixty-one games. The balance of probability suggests that they won’t emulate last season’s unbeaten treble-winning feat, but who is going to stop them?

It won’t be Rangers Lite. Primark Pedro was so bereft of players that he played Alves. If this unreconstructed thug’s red card is rescinded then the review panel would have to be on the take. Hearts must be licking their lips about playing against Lite’s soft centre on Saturday at Murrayfield. Ceteris Paribus Lite will slip down from fourth place to fifth which was where I predicted they would finish this season. Motherwell, who proved conclusively that they are a better side than Lite on Sunday, moved into third place. Hibs who prevailed in the only ‘Old Firm’ derby that counts, given that Hearts were not liquidated, will have their eyes fixed on Lite’s current fourth position.

In more bad news for the Qatari No Stars, Pena was dropped from the squad completely and mouthy thug’s apprentice Ryan Jack was sent off again after referee Alan Muir consulted his linesman. The last time Jack was sent off at The Sectarian Speakeasy it spawned a petition.

They love nothing more than a petition in the micro-borough of Govania. After an unsuccessful lobby to gain official recognition of the regional titles won by the WWII shirkers – they’ll do anything for 55 – they turned their attention to referees.

Their former club benefitted from some of the most bent refereeing imaginable, with the cheating so blatant during the Struth era and the WWII years that it was a waste of time turning up. There is now a clamour to revert to the corrupt mores of old at the new club. They have rather surprisingly focused their wrath on John Beaton. Their change.org ad is as follows:

End The Anti-Rangers Views Amongst Referees In Scotland!

We are fed up with anti-Rangers refereeing that is happening way too often. So we have gone to the SFA to complain, the thing is we need as many signatures as possible to get them to act. The situation, with Mr John Beaton refereeing, against Hibs on the 12/08/17 was the final straw. We want the SFA to completely wipe it out and impose large sanctions on these corrupt referees that do it not just to our club but many others who may also face these type of unfair actions that are further damaging the Scottish game.”

This was evidently not written by the brightest spark in Govania. The search party for the missing village idiot can stand down. It might surprise many that this petition has solicited 5,000 signatures. If one could bottle delusion it would be a best seller on Edmiston Drive. Beaton had the audacity to send off Ryan Jack.

I would be surprised if Jack had been sent off for a push. Was an anti-Irish epithet aimed at Stokes the rationale for Beaton’s decision? Was Jack removed for his repeated attempts to assault a Hibs player? Jack’s red card was rescinded on appeal. Beaton found himself in charge of a Championship fixture in his next outing as a referee. This is considered as a punishment detail.

Will the petition go into overdrive given Jack’s latest dismissal or will the village idiot wise-up to the fact that Jack is a malcontent who would cause trouble in a vacuum? What about Booby Madden. Are his honest mistakes, which always favour the Ibrox club, acceptable? Perhaps one should revert to his Wikipedia listing:

Honest refereeing must be so rare at the ramshackle ‘Big Hoose‘ that it sticks in the craw of 5,000 of the dimmest fans in world football. They have a board led by a career criminal, limping by from loan to loan with players bought by a Qatari factor, and all they have to complain about is John Beaton?

What about the imposter at Murray Park, who is evidently adept at money laundering but cannot muster up a team to beat the club languishing at the bottom of the league?

By all means focus on John Beaton like good Gullibillies as your new club slips inexorably out of a UEFA place and settles for mid-table mediocrity.

Bruno Alves – A Legacy of Thuggery

Is it beyond the gift of the SMSM to acknowledge that Motherwell deservedly won a game of football on Sunday?  Is it not within their purview to congratulate Motherwell for progressing to a League Cup Final meeting with Celtic on November 26?  As I watched every kick of the ball at Hampden on Sunday, and a fly deliberate kick by aging thug Alves ( who reminds me of an over-the-hill pub player who has had too many lock-ins) on Moult, I am astonished by the churlishness of the Glasgow-facing media.

The fact that the hapless hacks were denied the opportunity to salivate over an ‘Old Firm‘ final like rabid dogs should not have led to a blanket ban on plaudits for the plucky ‘Steelers.’  Moult’s second goal was a thing of beauty. It was almost as if time stood still as he lifted the ball over Alnwick. As soon as the ball left his boot everyone knew it was net-bound. In a matter of seconds there was a sense of heightened anticipation and then the ecstasy of knowing that Motherwell were almost there. One nil was a precarious lead that could have been nullified by a wayward decision. Two nil was decisive.


In a previous piece I added a comment with a video of Alves attempting to decapitate Harry Kane. He used the opportunity of a high ball as a pretext for a flying drop kick to Kane’s head. This is how far this aging cheating thug will go to win a game of football. Alves received a straight red. He should have been arrested for assault.

For Alves of all people to suggest that Motherwell played anti-football was almost Shakespearean in its sense of irony. Does Alves believe that having a kick at his opponent is all part and parcel of the regulation game? If Alves wants to be acquainted with anti-football he should have a look at The Cardigan’s run to a UEFA Second Tier final in Manchester, 2008. Have a look at two non-scoring draws in the Semi Finals and how Smith’s team failed to register in the final. He might also have a look at Rangers fans appearing on Crimewatch, attempting to kick a police officer to death and defecating in the streets. They caused more damage than the Luftwaffe did during the Second World War. Lite’s lack of Progrès this season is a boon for all European capital cities and towns.


Over in the East End of the city another award for their fans from FIFA is on its way to Celtic Park. The best behaved support in Scottish football are welcomed wherever they travel. However it should be noted that they are occasionally let down by the flare-wielding Green Brigade who think that they are the beating heart of the club. On the day of the FIFA award a remittance from UEFA was not in any way congratulatory.

I digress. The Scottish hacks had spent the entire week prior to the game hanging on Primark Pedro’s every word. There were tales of how his squad had improved during the Internationals break. There was talk of addictions to winning, wrapped in a blood-soaked metaphor. All that was missing was some sanitary ware from Armitage Shanks and how good the stools were after a world-class breakfast.

Motherwell were well and truly written off. It was good to see a team assembled for a fraction of the Qatari-owned team put so many noses out of joint, including Cardoso’s.

Alves can either take his medicine tonight or miss out on a much more testing game against Hearts on Saturday. The bounce game against Kilmarnock will not require his special talent for off the ball assaults. Four goals without reply is my prediction for this game. Alves can afford to sit this one out.

Meanwhile at Pittodrie, Celtic’s sixty game unbeaten run will be put to it’s most severe stress testing since the Scottish Cup Final meeting of Scotland’s best two clubs. It should be a cracker. Who needs the Brian Rix Farce in Govan when there’s a prestigious game at Pittodrie?