Always Crashing In The Same Car

Every chance,
every chance that Rangers Lite take
To take their journey on the road
Those kilometres and the red hands
They were always looking left and right
Oh, but Lite are always crashing
in the same car

Lite I saw you peeping
As Celtic pushed their foot down to the floor
They were going round and round their hotel garage
Must have been touching close to ten-in-a row
Oh, but Lite are always crashing
in the same car

With apologies to the late and imperious David Bowie, I have bastardised his lyrics to introduce this piece which is derived from a podcast in which David Low opined on the financial turpitude at Rangers Lite.

David is one of the unsung heroes of the renascence of Celtic in 1994. Celtic were in a precarious state and were being run by men of little means. Also unknown to many was Brian Dempsey’s brilliant PR campaign run by Jack Irvine to drive out the Kelly/White factions from the board.

Mr. Irvine’s greatest triumph was thwarting the board’s madcap plan to leave Parkhead and move to Cambuslang. He produced reports showing the danger of birth defects to players and supporters; the chosen site was a toxic wasteland. The scene at the Celtic board was Shakespearean. The board were the witches of Macbeth, stirring a Cambuslang Cauldron of hubble, bubble and gaseous trouble.

This PR masterclass set Jack on the road to making millions. He is an occasional and most welcome contributor of his thoughts and insights to our site. He is a Rangers man without a bigoted bone in his body. One of the largely silent minority.

When David Low, an international financial analyst of some renown, was asked whether the ailing Lite body could be resuscitated by a Fergus McCann type intervention, he was quick to state that it would take a much more significant outlay than McCann put on the line. It would require a minimum of a sustainable five year plan. Names such as Jim McColl and Brian Kennedy are often ventured by the SMSM as prospective saviours, but both have turned down approaches from a well-coiffed factotum, one of which took place at Kennedy’s Manchester office as I exclusively revealed on this site. Jim McColl confided to Deloitte that he ‘had dodged a bullet‘ when rebuffing Murray.

One of the urban myths that have arisen apropos the Takeover Panel’s petition is that Lord Bannantyne is mulling over their decision. This is not the case. He is merely deciding whether to enshrine King’s compliance in law, and the legal redress should he default.

One of the areas where the impending Cold Shoulder could stop play is in the issue of shares. David Low does not see this ‘get out of debt free card’ coming to pass. It’s an omnishambles wrapped in a clusterfuck.

The Gullibillies will be seduced by new names in the dugout but they still won’t land a telling punch on Celtic. If truth be told the only danger to Celtic comes from within. However Rodgers will be quick to nip complacency in the bud.

There is going to be a debt heist in December with Sir Bribe & Lie appearing on a borrowed white horse and saddle. He misses the sexual and business opportunities that were once within his gift at Rangers.

This is what Rangers Lite have become. A lame excuse for an aging lothario to get his leg over.

Always crashing in the same car.

 

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15 thoughts on “Always Crashing In The Same Car”

  1. Confirmation number:
    60N78418MY587513C

    Dear JJ,

    Two articles for the price of one today!

    David Low’s podcast was timely and it served to highlight the financial plight of Rangers Lite in a very matter of fact way. It was devoid of rhetoric focusing solely on the published results and the implications for those at the helm.

    JJ: Cheers West Coaster

  2. They don’t care which failed businessman ageing tax Crook takes the reigns, as long as it stumbles on.

    It’s not about brand decency down in Ibrox purgatory.

    Anyone can get a leg over the Ibrox donkey.

  3. Paul Lambert and Michael O’Neill linked to the Sevco vacancy today by the Rancid. No mention of McInnes.

    Monday Mind f*ck of the Gullible Billies. “Paul Lambert has got it all.”

    Chilly training at Murray Park for those Latino hot bloods.

  4. Another blockbuster. I will have to go download David Low’s podcast. I’m curious on his take…

    Lord Bannantyne has the ability to completely derail Lite’s business plan if NOAL’s debt can’t be converted into equity. In addition to the £4-5M in hard cash the equity offer needs to bring in just to keep the lights on for the rest of the season, they’ll need another £5-6M to cover previous operating losses for FFP compliance purposes if NOAL cannot convert its loan into equity.

    I’m curious what options Lord Bannantyne has at his disposal to secure King’s compliance with the law. The cold shoulder has been much discussed, but does he not have other options? Surely contempt of a court order could be met with imprisonment! Or perhaps a freeze on NOAL’s assets — effectively meaning anything he would get from the loan repayment and/or selling his shares would go into escrow until the mandatory share offer from the takeover panel is made? These are questions, not statements — I am unfamiliar with Scots law and have no idea what range of penalties are available to the court.

    Regarding SB&L, should he arrive and attempt to buy King out, he will be met with opposition from the SPFL. Like Ashley, the SPFL has already gone on record and said he will not be welcomed back as a ‘fit and proper’ person to run Lite. At best he can be a silent shareholder to absorb Lite’s operating losses. And I believe, like Ashley, that would limit his shareholding to under 10%. Even if King were to cash out, he still needs at least 1 additional buyer other than SB&L.

    The path by which RIFC clears their debt and raise the necessary cash to run the business and obtain compliance with FFP regulations is not clear once Lord Bannantyne issues his ruling. Their best hope is that they can complete the annual meeting and conclude the share offering before Lord B. issues his ruling.

  5. I am also unfamiliar with Scot’s law, but I would have thought that a freeze on NOAL’s assets would put a squeeze on him and put him on a timer.

  6. SB&L is not fit and proper to be anywhere near football anywhere.

    I don’t understand how the English FA can possibly find Martin Bain fit and proper to be at Sunderland. A tax avoiding EBT administering ceo. Unlawfully Scammed HMRC out of £60m.

    He Allowed impossible, never could be repaid circa £170m of debt to be racked up at Rangers FC forcing Liquidation.

    Surely football players RFC side contracts screwing £60m from social taxes is a football debt which TRFC must honour and pay back?

    1. The concept of fit and proper is a myth in Scottish football. If RIFC/TRFC say you’re F&P then that’s good enough for their old chinas at the SFA. Lite have painted themselves into a corner. If the choice is for them to go under and lose the fatcat bonuses from the bookmakers, or Sir Bribe & Lie, you don’t have to answer on a postcard who the SFA will back.

      1. SFA set a precedent for sidestepping fit and proper already with King. When it suits them the chairman of the holding company (not the football playing subsid) is outside their scrutiny. Which many would think leads you to say “what’s the point in having it then?”. Many others might think “aren’t they just making this all up as they go along?”. I think this leads you to conclude that Murray would be imperfectly fit and proper but eligible.

      2. SDM premeditated the cheating of 17 titles over 12 years, using corrupt registration documentation and paying players tax free offshore unlawfully to fix tournaments and cheat other clubs out of lucrative Euro entries.

        He should be in prison. It was corruption, racketeering and fraud.

  7. There would be no Celtic FC in its current form with out Fergus McCann as I have stated before, but equally there would be no Celtic FC without the efforts of David Low.

    The definitive story is found in his book Rebels in Paradise.

    He also does a cracking Fergus impersonation!

    Brian Dempsey did run the media campaign as he knew how to work the media, whilst Fergus not only didn’t trust them, but he didn’t have the personality (and patience) to deal with them. Problem was that when push came to shove, certain egos didn’t have the money to justify wanting and actually deserving the chairmanship, so Fergus went mostly alone. Gentlemen like John Keane also deserve special mention for stepping up to the plate when the crunch came.

    The fans on the street were well organised with Celts for Change, but there serious players in the background proved their intentions with hard graft and real money.

    Over at Ibrox the movers and shakers still believe in the tooth fairy of a billionaire benefactor and the real Rangers men who have serious money are, rightly, giving this shambles a rubber ear. The fans stood by and watched their club die. “We don’t stand in car parks” was a comment from one of the many fans representatives when asked about their intentions in a stupid dig at Celts for Change.

    Whose club died and whose club is sitting pretty?

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