As my learned friend packs away his horsehair wig for another week one’s thoughts return to Scottish football. Even after only 11 outings a top four has been established with a five point gap to Motherwell in fifth place. The fourth best team have a training ground romp against Hamilton tomorrow. They will score four against the rabbits in the headlights as they are deafened by the incessant sectarian soundtrack. The street cleaners in Dundee will be wearing extra thick marigold gloves as the street defecating Klan arrive on Friday to bag another three points to cut the gap at the top to three points or less should Celtic stumble in Dingwall. Celtic have more pressing things on their mind next weekend as they prepare for what they hope will be the first leg in a treble.
If one took a snapshot after the Dundee doing, one might believe that the title will be a close fought matter. One might tentatively make some enquiries about a helicopter. Allow me to disabuse you of this notion. As we saw in Pittodrie Celtic are in a league of their own.
The remainder of the season will play out as follows. Aberdeen will take a minimum of four points in the back-to-back games with Lite. If McInnes fancies having a go in Govan’s Satanic Cathedral he will secure all six points. Lite will be put in their place and can pack away their title delusions for another season as Celtic power to seven in a row. Eight-in-a-row will take their league title tally to 50. If they go to 12-in-a row they will better former club Rangers record as one of the extinct club’s 54 titles was shared with Dumbarton. One more successive title will confirm that Celtic is the best club to have ever played in Scottish football. Rangers will be a distant memory. Lite will be fortunate to survive.
So what can Lite fans look forward to? Anti-Irish/Catholic invective which is an intrinsic part of the matchday experience at the Sectarian Speakeasy? A run to the Scottish Cup Semi-Finals courtesy of home ties provided by their bent friends at the SFA? Laying a glove on Celtic in the three remaining league fixtures, or is likely four in their Scottish Cup semi-final meeting? The SFA will go out of their way to keep them apart. The last thing they need is another showpiece final being ruined by a Lite riot as Celtic wipe the floor with them. The Klan would begin the social unrest at 0-3 and aspire to have the final abandoned. Alves and Jack would be sent off for savage assaults on Tierney and Brown, only to have their red cards rescinded by a Lite-facing judicial panel who swing the lead.
Scottish football is easy to predict. There are no stochastic variables. The SFA are bent to the point where they freeze the draw ball of Rangers. Lite must be given every assistance to have a deep run in the cup. British Virgin Island tax-evading loans can only go so far.
Ceteris Paribus Celtic will win another treble. Aberdeen and Hibs will vie for second place. Hearts will slip into the ignominy of the lower six after the split. Dundee United, backed by U$ capital will be promoted, leapfrogging Dundee who are destined for the second tier.
Should I include honest mistakes from Agent Orange Bobby Madden in my stochastic variables? Not if Celtic continue to score 3/4 goals in every game. One would need cheating of Dallas proportions to check Celtic’s progress.
The real fun and games will be off the park. If Bannatyne defies the City watchdog to play to the Freemason gallery, merry hell including an appeal will break out. The Faculty of Advocates will take a dim view and impose their own inimitable version of The Cold Shoulder. It’s worth noting that Bannatyne has a caveat in the wording of the law which states that one may order King to comply.
If King loses will he risk more BVI funds? Absolutely not. He will appeal while looking for a golden parachute for his equity, £2.8m loan to date and the quantum required to make payroll this month. If Sir Bribe & Lie does not buy the debt, using other people’s money, Lite will go under.
You could bet your mortgage on Celtic winning their seventh successive title. Would you risk a red cent on Lite being around to see it?