Quintessentially British Cheating – Prologue

As I spent my formative years playing football in the West Of Scotland, which has it’s very own ‘rainy season’ micro-climate all year long, I had no idea that I was pollen intolerant. Pollen and incessant rain are uneasy bed partners. Honey in the West of Scotland is as rare as arch criminal Dave King attending Ibrox. Has he just ‘jetted in’ to keep the lights on and settle Lite’s travel agent account? It must be an important trip given that King would have had to stretch his short arms into his long pockets. One wonders if Lite salvation will come in the form of a Morelos transfer to Hull City?

King was present last night watching his patched up team of Loan Rangers wipe the floor with Aberdeen for the third time on the bounce. Is it any wonder Mcinnes shook hands on a deal if this is the best that he and Milne can muster? Have a look at the table gentleman. Third, behind a team of loanees, is just not good enough.

I digress. When I finally hung up my boots I boarded a slow Sunday train to Leighton Buzzard and bedded down for the night in a bin bag in the storeroom above an Oddbins shop that was being run by a former flat mate. The next morning I walked into three employment agencies. By Friday I had three offers. The following Monday I started work at Rapid Recall. They were impressed by my audacity in upstaging the General Manager’s white board pitch with a superior one of my own. When the City manager left the room to make the tea I knew my feet were under the table. Alan Hunt and Doug Coates gave me my first break in IT sales. I never looked back.

My job was simple. I walked round the square mile to attend appointments arranged by my ISE – Internal Sales Engineer. My clients were Tier One investment banks, including JP Morgan and Deutsche Bank; Private Wealth/Hedge Fund players in Mayfair; and the cream of merchant banks including Barings. My beat was from 100 London Wall to Green Park and everywhere in between. My sales pitch was compelling. If a server went down Rapid Recall would have a DEC replacement up and running prior to the following morning’s trading bell. At their peak when New York comes on stream JP Morgan handles 18 million trades per hour. They spend $9b on IT per annum. When a server went down my boat bearing my commission came in.

All was set fair until I had to venture to the High Wycombe HQ to collect a President’s Club sales award. I had sold one million dollars worth of tin. High Wycombe is in a valley. When I stepped up to the lectern I was in bits. My eyes were competing with my nose for fishing rights. I was sent to a local doctor who delivered an injection to my fundament. Within twenty minutes I was on song. I played softball late that afternoon in a pollen field with a plastic beaker of plonk in one hand and a bat in the other. I did not spill a drop. One shot covered the entire pollen season. The following year no shot was necessary as I was immune.

I have more than enough business acumen to know that my readers won’t pay £1.99 (or gain free access) for a piece on my hay-fever travails. However many will as I call out British cycling heroes Bradley Wiggins and Chris Froome as doping cheats.

When Russia’s state apparatus was busted for the kind of industrial doping that would bring a tear of nostalgia to Sir David Murray’s eyes, and with their concomitant ban from the next Winter Olympics, they responded by assembling a crack team of hackers to expose the cheating of a slew of Western elite athletes and the complicity of the Word Anti-Doping Agency (WADA). This crack team became known as The Fancy Bears.

The Fancy Bears earned their bones by hacking into WADA’s computers. It’s not that difficult as The Cloud is porous. Our ursine chums were pursuing a quintessentially British way of cheating:

Therapeutic Use Exemption is a means by which an athlete can obtain approval to use a prescribed prohibited substance or method for the treatment of a legitimate medical condition.

The Cyber Bears published the names of the worst offenders. Those kicking the arse out of TUE included the first British Cyclist to win The Tour De France viz Bradley Wiggins; and Chris Froome the reigning Tour de France and Vuelta a España champion and one of the most successful riders in the history of the Tour, having won it four times – in 2013, 2015, 2016 and 2017.

Tom Dumoulin – who won the 2017 Giro D’talia and was the lead cyclist when his Team Sunweb won four stages and two major jerseys at the 2017 Tour De France – called out Wiggins cheating. He is lobbying for the publication of TUE requests.

In an interview with his local De Limburger newspaper Dumoulin stated:

“It is very strange that every time Wiggins took the medication it was in the same period (prior to a winning race). And injecting? Apparently Wiggins’ injections also worked for weeks. If that’s the case, then in my opinion you should be out of competition for weeks. This thing stinks.”

Wiggins’ TUE forms showed that the intramuscular injections of a powerful corticosteroid were authorised to treat asthma symptoms. It seemed a drastic measure, with other experts insisting that doctors should have been able to manage his illness using standard inhalers.

The 2012 Tour de France winner’s use of the powerful steroid triamcinolone before races is the smoking gun.

Wiggins injected illegal steroids allowing him to recover faster than other cyclists on the flimsy pretext of being pollen intolerant. It took one shot to cure my pollen intolerance.

How acute must one’s pollen intolerance be to require a shot prior to every winning ride in one’s career?

Wiggins is a steroids cheat. He should be stripped of his Olympic gold medal, Tour De France title and knighthood.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Quintessentially British Cheating – Prologue”

  1. ‘One wonders if Lite salvation will come in the form of a Morelos transfer to Hull City?’

    As Morelos has already played for two clubs in a season (HJK Helsinki & Rangers), one wonders if Hull will spend money on a player they can’t register to play until next season.

  2. A powerful article. David Walsh at The Sunday Times has been relentless in pursuing sporting cheats and he ragdolled Armstrong for years. He has namedcand shamed hundreds of athletes who have competed and won at the highest level. He is the ONLY one who has questioned ‘national treasure’ Farrah. He now has Team Sky in his sights. He would doff his hat to you. Chapeau.

  3. More likely is a lowball bid for a RossCo player or two just to unsettle them before their weekend visit. It seems to be part if the Sevco MO during this window.

    Q – where is the wage money coming from at present?

    We know they are skint… Yet ( fees aside as everything is on the HP) they must have upped their monthly wage bill by half a million while only offloading maybe 1/4 of that through the Pena deal at best.

    Are they trying to get to a position where top 6 is secure pre split (even with a points penalty) so that the admin trigger can be pulled and then pare down the squad to try to secure that lucrative UEFA slot?

    Or have they found a sugar daddy (read as blue nose mug with money)?

    They were financially unstable before the window… What is sustaining them now the outgoings have increased?

    Genuinely bemused ???

    1. Please do not try to nail JJ to the spot.
      There are far too many numpties who want to do so.
      If they get their way, the Speakeasy will shut.
      We need JJ. Not the numpties.

  4. Dear Potstew
    Congrats on knocking Henry hunt off top spot in the making a ….. of it.

    It’s looking like your beloved TRFC could reach the split with having played the other five teams on the top 6 twice at home will they play away games only after the split in this event.

  5. SPFL Rule C16
    The Clubs in positions 1 to 6 of the Premiership immediately after the 33rd League Match in any Season shall play in that Season in a further five League Matches in that Season, once against each of the other five Clubs in such positions 1 to 6, and in at least two of such five League Matches each Club shall be the Home Club and the Clubs in positions 7 to 12 of the Premiership immediately after the 33rd League Match in any Season shall play in that Season in a further five League Matches in that Season, once against each of the other five Clubs in such positions 7 to 12, and in at least two of such five League Matches each Club shall be the Home Club.
    C17

  6. I detect an attempt by the media and friends to put McCoist forward for the Scotland job.
    Is he one of the new candidates that Regan referred to?
    A manager who failed to bring Newco straight back up to the SPFL and was subjected to fierce criticism from his own fans for the standard of football his team played despite the vast disparity in resources with their oppo nents.
    Nothing would surprise me with Regan and McCrae on the selection sub committee.
    It won’t be the first time that a former employee of the Ibrox club has turned up at Hampden to take the SFA shilling. Ogilvie, Smith, McLeish etc
    What a feckin disaster that would be for the national team but would anyone be surprised if Regan and his crew turned to the former Ger?

  7. Its wrong to focus on one ‘British’ cheat – practically all of cycling is at it – as is all nearly all professional sports to some degree – if there is a ‘legal’ loophole it will be used… God nearly all of them seem to be asthmatic…and have to be treated for it every event… the real story here might be a dig around footballers and there treatments

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