My new year resolution was to be more kind and measured to Keith Jackson. Love him or loathe him he is eminently readable. He uses his words sparingly with no more than a couple of hundred words per article. I contend that if it were not for Jackson, The Daily Record (currently a daily average of 131,000 copies sold and falling fast) would be on a slippery slope to five figures. Is Keith good value for his £80,000+per annum? Probably. But he is not as well remunerated as the patron saint of social media who has a demographic of 37,200 prospective contributors who furnish him with much more for a not dissimilar quantum of words. The big swinging dicks of the tabloids and social media are coining it in.

However when he engages in revisionism apropos Kenny Miller and Lee Wallace, it’s high time that I removed my kid gloves. My source was in the dressing room. Lee Wallace threw the white board at Murty. Miller then joined in by screaming that Murty was a ‘Fraudster & a cheat.’ They were waiting for Murty like a headmaster and his assistant would await  an errant pupil. As far as Wallace & Miller are concerned they run the dressing room. They had had quite enough of being treated like squad players. Wallace who was nowhere near match fit but expected to replace the far superior Declan John in the first team, could not contain his rage. Having just dodged a serious head injury, and still cowering, Miller gave him both barrels.

Wallace & Miller treated Caixinha with contempt, rolling their eyes behind his back as he tried to explain his ideas; calling him ‘Fuck Off‘ under their breath. When he caught them they would feign coughing while repeating their pejorative epithet. They also called him Senor Thrush (an irritating cunt). If they had paid attention they might have learnt something. Miller wanted Caixinha’s job and plotted with Wallace to make the Portuguese coach look bad at all times.

These are the prosaic facts from an impeccable source. I understand that Kris Boyd agrees with me and is penning an article that hangs Miller out to dry. Keith Jackson should check the facts before throwing Matron Murty under a bus. Wallace and Miller are cancerous. Both should be excised prior to the arrival of a new coach.


Much Ado About King

As the biggest malcontents in the dressing room are suspended from Auchenhowie (& Ibrox) one might have hoped for more accord in Murray Park. However the festering row between the overrated Morelos and DFS Docherty continues unabated. The former has been seen, in a silent mime act that The Union Bears would be proud of, simulating a Colombian necktie. My mole informs me that Docherty preferred a more traditionally staunch GIRFUY in response. Where is the captain whose responsibilities include mediating in player disputes? Suspended for his novel take on a false number nine and a burning desire to forcibly express his views via an aerial tactics board.

When one looks at the root cause of the growing dissent, all roads lead back to King. The career criminal in a naked attempt to solicit season ticket renewals was quick to denounce Murty’s chances of attaining the full-time gig. He will always be Matron Murty as far as King is concerned. The matron’s limited shelf-life has resulted in others throwing their weight around, including Kenny Miller who wanted to crown his third spell at an Ibrox-based club with a winning goal in the Scottish Cup Final and ride a growing consensus to elevate him to coach, as opposed to some MLS backwater.

Sadly his dreams, and the dreams of 42,000 season ticket holders, were shattered on Sunday. When dreams are shattered and season tickets need shifted, Gary Ralston and Chris Jack are put on ‘Full Squirrel Alert.’ King lickspittle Jack, when not shaving with a rough towel, is always good for some juvenile reportage that leans towards the positive. How about a shirt manufacturing deal with Hummel? No need to beat about the bush with grey squirrels when a red squirrel turns up from Auchenhowie with a ‘to whom it may concern‘ note attached to its bushy ‘tale.’

The prosaic fact that Ashley was paid in full for his Rangers Retail notice period to the tune of £3m, received his loan quantum of £5m, and top dollar on his shares from King factotum Club 1872, was spun as a positive for King. Jack would have us believe in a David v Goliath mythology. However the realpolitik of The Magnificently Maned Adulterer being despatched to Shirebrook, on a good hair day, to ask for the second tranche of £5m is best ignored. King’s desire to use other people’s money should never be understated.

With King’s pound of flesh hung out to dry, Sports Direct & Puma are winding down their contract with TRFCL. Which begs the question as to what arrangements will be in place for next year. Will Hummel manufacture the kit and despatch it for sale to ‘The Help For Heroes’ fraudsters Fleshers Haugh? Will replica tops be sold in a pop-up shop? Or sold and stored in one of the engine room sheds that James Blair has been buying up? Any thoughts of £15m upfront from a second tier sports apparel company is ‘bong talk.’ Is Jack old enough to get high or would he be challenged in an Amsterdam coffee shop?

With everything heading south, and not just of The Limpopo, is King praying for ‘Divine’ intervention? Surely Mark Dingwall in drag singing his Chris Jack classic – You think you’re a man but you’re only a boy – is not what King had in mind?

Of course of much more pressing concern for King is matters in the Court of Session. Having successfully argued that King was in contempt of court at a procedural hearing, it would follow that Messengers At Arms were duly instructed to serve King should he attend the pivotal game at Hampden. To spare his blushes King remained chez Ladina.

A procedural hearing, an ‘unstarred’ hearing, is an exercise in rubber stamping. Counsel are not required to attend. There are no adversarial exchanges. Instructing solicitors, in the TPE’s case, Dentons, present a written case to the presiding judge. Should the judge find that King is in contempt, as he indubitably is, a hearing would follow. The TPE petition was predicated on section 955 of The Companies Act, viz:

955 Enforcement by the court

(1) If, on the application of the Panel, the court is satisfied—
(a) that there is a reasonable likelihood that a person will contravene a rule-based requirement, or
(b) that a person has contravened a rule-based requirement or a disclosure requirement, the court may make any order it thinks fit to secure compliance with the requirement.
(2) In subsection (1) “the court” means the High Court or, in Scotland, the Court of Session.

The TPE have returned to The Court of Session this morning, on this occasion in the Inner House which is usually the preserve of appeals. Did the procedural hearing not go far enough for the TPE or is King playing for time?

Thursday 19th April

Inner Division

P341/17 Pet: The Panel on Takeovers and Mergers for Orders under Section 955


The (Financial Conduct Authority) FCA are routinely pressed into action by the TPE when a fraud has occurred. King’s claims of impecuniosity may have piqued their interest. The FCA were also present in the Court of Session this week. Could King be presently suspended from holding any executive office in the UK?

To exacerbate matters for King his corporate concern which is listed on the JSE as MMG dropped a whopping 23.8% in yesterday’s trading. At one point it dropped by 30%, rallying to 23.8% by close. The late rally was more than likely the result of King’s fellow faux accountant Greg Morris buying as many shares as he could lay his hands on.

A precipitous fall of this magnitude suggests that some inordinately bad news is coming down the pike. Has the NOSA sale hit a last minute snag? Misrepresentation has often been a problem in MICROmega’s chequered past where there have been more red flags than in the running of the bulls at Pamplona.

Is the Laird dividend at risk? Will King claim that market forces precluded his offer? When it comes to King-watching those who came down in the last shower need not apply, even if they stayed up all night.


Tactical Mayhem at Hampden

My Auchenhowie mole has provided an exclusive insight into why Wallace & Miller may have kicked their last ball for Rangers Lite. Matron Murty spoke of high emotions and frustration but he failed to mention that Lee Wallace threw the tactics board at him. To exacerbate matters Kenny Miller pointedly called Murty ‘a fraudster and a cheat’ while going nose to nose with his manager. An involuntary flinch by Murty would have almost certainly led to a head butt.

One might well be less than enamoured with  Murty’s tactics, but crowning him with the tactics board takes the club orange. Miller is on £4,000 per week. A package is being cobbled together to pay off what’s left on his contract which expires on 31st May. A non-disclosure agreement will be included in his severance deal. He could make more by refusing Robertson’s offer and taking the exploits of Caixinha and Murty to the tabloids.

Wallace’s contract expires on 31.5.2019. He is an asset worth £1m+. His future will probably be decided by Murty’s successor. If it’s Jimmy Nicholl, the ‘grass’ will be on his way to pastures new.

Prior to an analysis of the WATP/Back Where We Belong entitlement cabal, I take pause to remind readers that I broke the exclusive on ‘Dundee United’s sale to U.S. investors‘ on October 30 last year. If one types in the text in italics one will be directed to my jj:passim article. Colour me surprised but the SMSM and my blogging peers remain in the dark. The odious Stephen Thompson denied the deal when challenged. It will be announced later this week. No-one has better sources than your humble correspondent. Please consider this when making one’s vote in the Football Blogging Awards 2018. Voting for the shortlists ends today.

I digress. Halloween Houston, who campaigned relentlessly for King, has penned the following:

The silver things in the photo below are called trophies. Gone are the days that we expect to win them all every season but we certainly deserve a team capable of competing for them. I’ve met fans who’ve travelled from the four corners of the globe to be at today’s game and I passed coaches from all parts of the United Kingdom as I made my way back to my own local bus. I was down and dejected as I made my way home but felt even worse for others who’s sacrifices are greater to follow our club but who witnessed one of the most lacklustre and unimaginative Rangers performances I’ve ever seen in decades. I met the son of true Rangers royalty at the game and his father would have been spinning at what we watched this afternoon. His opinion was this is the Rangers team with least fight he’d seen in 50 years. It’s hard to disagree with him.

We witnessed a team void of any spirit or fight and apart from maybe Docherty, they looked like they didn’t want a game. We had zero game plan and seen no evidence of any pre planned ideas of how we could get any leverage out of an average celtic defence. One of the strangest parts of the game was seeing a manager who normally takes too much time in his substitutions take off Halliday on the 42nd minute with 3-4 mins left of the half. If his performance or a change of tactics required this substitution then fine, do it at half time and give yourself the chance to properly plan the changes during the break but we hung him out to dry. He wasn’t sparkling but wasn’t that bad that he had to face the indignity of being hooked in the first half. I believe Halliday reacted in the technical area. Can you blame him?
All we have left of this season is to cement as high a league position as possible in the last 5 league games. I have no hope left in a group of players who are better than the majority of teams they’ve dropped points to this season but game after game they fail to deliver. Our tactics and formations are failing the players, the club and the fans. I’ll say it again, our fans deserve better.

Failing to stay above Aberdeen and Hibs could see the nightmare scenario should Motherwell win the cup. From the quoted £30m that the board said was required when they took over the club, £17-22m (depending on where you look) has already been put in. I think a blind man with a passion for rugby could tell you that more, and much more, is required. It’s obvious that a new manager is required and an even bigger recruitment drive than we’ve seen in the last two years will be needed to put our club anywhere near where we deserve to be.

The feeling on the street is the honeymoon is over for the board with more fans each day losing patience with the product they are seeing. Today’s game seems to be one shocking performance too much for many. Fans can deal far better with a defeat if they feel the team has been set up with a chance and the players gave 100%. Neither has been evident far too often recently. The board can’t risk another gamble for a manager and the fans know fine well that millions was blown unsuccessfully by the previous two but more is needed if the fans are to get a team they deserve who will have a chance of competing for the big silver things below.”

Halloween is not the sharpest tool in the box. Grammar to Houston is a foreign field in a foreign land. I chose not to correct the many howlers from a published author, adding bold text on only one occasion. His piece on the Sons of Strewth Facebook page was accompanied by a photograph of trophies.

Caixinha was tasked with being a solid second to Celtic and a cup win. The 5-1 thrashing at home to Celtic, the humiliating exit to Progres and a captain and senior pro who referred to him as ‘Fuck off’ (Wallace & Miller) brought an abrupt end to his tenure. Robert Grieve of the Scottish Sun, when breaking his half-arsed account of the melee in the dressing room, referred to Wallace & Miller as model professionals prior to losing the plot at Hampden. Caixinha might well hold a different view.

Rangers Lite don’t deserve to be anywhere. They continue to pass themselves off as a former club and retain trophies that neither belong to them nor were fairly won. The former club stiffed creditors for £100m++. Their supporters engage in the most vile of anti-Catholic chants. The odious Orange Order are a constant presence at Ibrox. However unlike their marches which cost circa £500,000 to police, paid for by local tax-payers, Lite picks up the £17,000 per game charge to provide them with an opportunity to wade in Fenian blood through the medium of song.

Rangers in any form are despised in Scottish Football. They will never be back where they belong as their only tradition is playing in SFL II. They will never achieve the bent trophies of the former club as no bank will offer them an overdraft. They will probably never play in the Champions League in the lifetime of my readers. Celtic, who toyed with Lite on Sunday, will not stand still. Celtic will improve. Lite will never be able to catch up.

Lite have won 4 from nine games against Aberdeen, Hibs and Kilmarnock. Three of these were against the former. With the players fighting each other like feral cats and attacking the manager, would anyone bet on Lite taking 9 points from these post-split fixtures? The nightmare scenario is not finishing fourth with a Motherwell cup win. The real nightmare is finishing fifth. Hearts who have nothing to play for will capitulate at Ibrox. After that the wheels might well come off. Which to the unsuspecting denizens of Europe would be a blessing. The travelling support of Lite, drawn from the criminal classes, will riot at the drop of a bowler hat.

Not to be outdone by Halloween and Temazapem Chugg , the so-called Union Bears have released the following statement:

We would like to make our position clear regarding the club in its current form. Issues at the club, at all levels, need addressed urgently and we will do everything in our power to ensure this happens. We will take action and protest in various ways in the coming weeks, months or however long required. We will not stand idly by as our club is being so obviously mismanaged at the highest level. We do not expect instant success, but we do expect progress, something which this board has failed to deliver in every aspect since taking power, despite promising the world. We will be attending this weekend’s match against Hearts, however we will not have a vocal presence. This is part of a long line of planned protests that we have organised. The club have taken us, the Rangers support for granted for too long and have left us with no choice but to take action. The Union Bears seek to support Rangers in a positive, colourful and vocal manner. However, the obvious lack of desire, fight and leadership on the pitch on Sunday is a clear sign of a much more deep rooted problem within the club.This decision was not taken lightly, as to support the team is our ultimate aim, however the long term security and success of our club is vital.

“We deserve better.”

A silent protest?  I guess it’s better than punching a female steward’s teeth out or attacking an O.A.P. but how would 200 less individuals singing The Billy Boys make any appreciable difference? They have not thought this through. As is the case with Halloween the individual who penned this piece is not a critical thought leader.

This backdrop is not conducive to season ticket sales. The smoke & mirrors to induce sales will have to be spectacular. The lifeblood of this new club are in a militant mood.

So where is the captain when the ship needs steadied? South of the Limpopo avoiding a summons. It’s what he does best.


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Legends of The Living Dead

The post-apocalyptic scenario at the Sectarian Speakeasy is reminiscent of the bloodletting one might find in Legends of The Living Dead.

The Sevco Project is collapsing like a pack of cards. The chutzpah and hubris of a financially-doped ringer club are now little more than cue cards on James Traynor’s desk. As I exclusively revealed in what has become known as Craig-Whyte-Gate, the Bellshill Bounder was advised to repeat the mantra that Rangers were a global club playing on the world stage. A few months after his tenure Rangers were being consigned to liquidation with a facsimile club Sevco Scotland competing against Brechin in a pawnbroker’s tournament.

We then had ‘the journey’ and ‘we don’t do walking away‘ as the only full-time professional club in their respective leagues prevailed against teams with players who had to change from overalls to strips after a shift at the yard. When they eventually played against a fellow pro-club on their journey, Motherwell sent them down for another season.

Given this backdrop did anyone honestly expect that Lite could usurp Celtic in the new club’s debut two seasons in the top tier? What fuelled these delusions of grandeur? Step forward arch criminal Dave King. A man with 41 convictions and more lies than his 323 indictments. A man who stole 28,000 bottles of wine from a Winery that SARS repossessed. A man who kept moving his cars to avoid them being auctioned off. He received a three-months prison sentence for his ‘little games’ which was suspended for three years.

King was conspicuous by his absence at Hampden on Sunday. Even the Gullibillies are beginning to question how a reputed Real Rangers Man could miss the game that would define their season. A game where Celtic were so far ahead that had Scott  Brown brought a picnic hamper and deck chair and watched play go by Celtic would have still prevailed. Men against boys would not go far enough. Bhoys against infants would be more apposite.

As Morelos and Docherty were fighting like feral alley cats in the Hampden tunnel, Murty walked into an ambush. The Suited Supergrass that is captain Lee Wallace was first to stick his brown brogue in. Unlike others who claim to have a fly in the boardroom and dressing room, I can but speculate on Wallace’s choice of epithets. Would anyone be surprised if he reached for Halliday’s concatenation of ‘clueless’ and ‘cunt?’ Did Miller, who was next to put the boot in, have a swing at Murty? The Scottish Sun is stating that he has played his last game for Rangers Lite. This is indicative of a more serious offence than parroting Wallace’s invective. Wallace who will be suspended will almost certainly be shipped out in the close season. A season of being Declan John’s understudy would not have been to his liking in any case.

The Legends of The Living Dead are falling like ninepins.

Murty is not to blame for this omnishambles. The architect of this clusterfuck is none other than Dave King. Kris Boyd  – who is earmarked to replace the cheerleading charlatan with two bastard children that he has never acknowledged – at Radio Clyde had the following to say about King:

I have been saying it for months but, in my opinion, Dave King is guilty of gross mismanagement. If you ask me, it’s high time he had some major questions asked of him. Maybe someone on that Ibrox board should just pay him the £20million he supposedly lost to David Murray and watch him go. I just don’t think his chairmanship of Rangers has been good enough.

He sanctioned the appointment of Pedro Caixinha — which was doomed from the very beginning — and was then to blame in the negotiations with Derek McInnes.

Now Murty is being left to carry the can for King’s incompetence.

Here we are three years on and the club hasn’t moved forward an inch.

And for me, those supporters who are paying their hard-earned money for season tickets are being appallingly short-changed.

All they’ve done throughout the years is plough their money into the football club.

I’d question where exactly their cash has been spent — and they should too.

It’s time for them to open their eyes and see what’s going on because what is happening just isn’t right. Their loyalty in turning up every week, no matter what, has been remarkable in the last few years, genuinely incredible in my opinion.

But there’s definitely an argument to say they’re TOO loyal.”

Some of their money has been winging its way to James Blair’s Andersen Strathern as King uses badly-needed club resources to fight legal battles that he cannot possibly win.

The Takeover Panel  Executive (TPE) petitioned the Court of Session last week. Lady Wolffe was presiding. In jj: passim I laid out the scope of their petition. As it was an ‘unstarred’ motion counsel had no need to attend. At that hearing King’s ‘advertisement’ would have been discussed. Dentons for the TPE would have argued, I contend successfully, that King is continuing to obfuscate by linking his ‘offer’ to an equity dividend contingency at Laird. Dentons would have requested for a hearing to be scheduled where King will be tried for not complying with a court order. My Legal Eagle in Edinburgh pointed out that Dentons would have also argued that James Blair/ Andersen Strathern should be served with a summons in King’s absence.

This is why King was not at Hampden on Sunday. He was avoiding a summons.

As for Derek McInnes, the source who apprised me of the Lite eleven prior to the Ibrox Glasgow Derby, informed me months ago that the Aberdeen manager was keen to join Lite in the close season. I published this over a month ago. McInnes had one caveat. If King does not step down McInnes won’t be taking the pre-season training at Auchenhowie in June.

As the TPE’s net closes, McInnes may well have his wish.

The Beautiful Game Being Usurped By A Lambeg Drum

I have just been informed by an impeccable source within the SPFL that Doncaster with one eye on the commercial imperatives presented the first post split game as Celtic v Rangers. Police Scotland however vetoed this as there was an Orange march booked for that day.  They asked that their rationale be kept quiet.

What we have here is a sporting event showcasing Scottish football being usurped by a racist KKK fringe mob marching through the streets of Glasgow

The Famine Song in Sotto voce is the choice of Police Scotland.


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An Embarrassment, Occasionally A Disgrace

When Celtic thrashed Rangers Lite 5-1 at Ibrox on the 29th April 2017 they had already secured their sixth successive title on April 2nd with eight games to spare. If this in itself was not enough to end Caixinha’s tenure, surely even he must have realised that his time would soon be up having failed to Progres against the fourth best team in Luxembourg. A season which began in ignominious defeat has ended in ignominious defeat. A year has elapsed and Celtic are still good value for their four goal superiority.

This season’s vintage from Lennoxtown is not the invincibles of last season. A team that won 34 games from 38 (four draws) and secured the treble with aplomb. I have on our site posed the question as to when we will see their likes again. We saw them yesterday in what can best be described as an exhibition game. There was too much ugliness, primarily from Morelos, for yesterday’s 4-0 romp to be categorised as a training exercise.

Eighteen hours prior to kick-off I exclusively broke the Celtic starting eleven. I asserted that Celtic would win by three clear goals. I stated that Lite only had a puncher’s chance of an upset if they were awarded a penalty and Celtic were reduced to 10 men. I added that even this would not be enough. Despite providing this exclusive information and insights, I was criticised as referee Madden had by all accounts a good game. Which leads me to two points. Would he have awarded yesterday’s penalties at Ibrox? He was loath to penalise a waist-high tackle on Griffiths. The second point is if Madden had such a good game why did he not send off Morelos who was throwing punches like a boy in a hurry to reacquaint himself with some nose candy?  This is the player the board would have us believe is valued at £15m. The Gullibillies were told that the board were showing ambition by refusing an offer of £12m from a revolving cast of Chinese teams. I on the other hand was telling anyone who would listen that it was a fiction cooked up by Traynor to get a player off the books who is a coke bust away from arrest and possible deportation.

Murty had Cummings and Miller on the bench. Neither would have missed from four yards as El Buffalo has done in two successive Glasgow derbies. Why does Murty insist on playing this coke-addled half-wit. There is a village in Colombia missing this idiot.

“We can take positives and negatives from the last Ibrox game, but I think we’re on the right path. If I could I would play against Celtic every week.” 

To add insult to injury Lite’s DFS player – whom is on a free loan from Hamilton courtesy of Douglas Park – Greg Docherty  – took the headless chicken to task for yet another shocking performance. Morelos responded by breenging at Docherty in the tunnel. It was the fastest Morelos had moved all day. He was dragged off Docherty while foaming at the mouth. I guess it makes a change from foaming at the nose in an expensive Glasgow watering hole.

The dissent in the Rangers Lite ranks was not confined to Morelos. My source, who was in earshot of Halliday, has apprised me that Halliday called Murty ‘a clueless Fenian Cunt’ on being substituted five minutes before the interval. By not waiting five minutes Murty humiliated Halliday. But on balance Murty did the right thing. Why continue with a player whose first touch was so poor that it set up the Celtic forwards with a slew of shooting opportunities? Why risk 0-3 before the interval? When Candeias was hooked he made his way directly to the dressing room, blanking Murty and his bench.

Murty will probably be dismissed for this performance, but if he has lost the dressing room as seems evident, he is not exclusively to blame. The contemptible career criminal, absent from Hampden yesterday as he feared arrest, sowed the seeds of dissent by informing the media that Murty would be replaced. King did not even have the courtesy to call Murty to warn him of the shit storm heading his way. Is it any wonder that Halliday felt free to launch both barrels at an under-fire manager? Can one imagine Halliday trying this on with Jock Wallace in the dugout? The estimable Mr. Wallace would have kicked his arse all the way to Gullane and buried him in a sand dune. Halliday had a nightmare 40 minutes. He should have sucked it up and shut his mouth. Halliday’ objective of noising up Scott Brown in the hope of a red card reaction failed miserably. He could not even get that right.

Prior to this game, Sky pundit Charlie Nicholas asserted:

I don’t know how seriously they take Dave King, but I’ll be surprised if he is there next season. He’s got issues trying to buy the football club but he’s not turned up or responded with that money. If I was a Rangers fan, which I’m obviously not, I would be worried about sorting that out rather than wondering who the next manager will be. It’s not as exciting a job as it once was at Rangers because there are still issues upstairs.”

I had a quick look at Divine wannabe Mark Dingwall’s Follow Follow to gauge whether the penny had yet dropped apropos King. From what I could discern the Gullibillies are oblivious to the fact that King is in contempt of court but the more informed in their milieu are suggesting that King has cost them two seasons. Their ‘Rangers’ have not progressed and of more immediate importance have not closed the gap on Celtic.

There is an accepted truism that the table never lies. With five games to the final table Celtic are on 75 points. They have drawn nine games and lost two. Last season they amassed 106 points. This year the best they can hope for is 90 points.

At the end of last season Rangers Lite were 39 points off Celtic’s record-breaking pace and nine points behind Aberdeen. Lite have closed the gap. They are a better team than Aberdeen and superior to Hearts, but with morale at an all time low the post split points are not guaranteed. Hibs and Kilmarnock have their measure. Celtic are on a different planet. Lite could lose all five and be out of Europa League contention. I stand by my forecast that Hibs will be runners-up, with Aberdeen edging third place.  The most improved team in Scottish football is Kilmarnock. Steve Clark has done a marvellous job. Kris Boyd is scoring for fun. The schisms in the Lite dressing room give Clark a glimmer of reeling in a seven point deficit.

Rangers Lite have finished this season where they started. If they continue to beat each other up even a defeat to Luxembourg’s fourth team will be beyond them. Celtic rag-dolled Lite in third gear. They pulled down their pants and spanked them, leaving them to shuffle off the park like infants looking for their potties.


The Celtic Monopoly

Those of you who follow @sitonfence on Twitter or dropped by our site late on a Saturday will note that I exclusively revealed the Celtic starting eleven at 9 p.m. BST yesterday:

Gordon, Lustig, Ajer, Boyata, Tierney, Brown, Ntcham, Rogic, McGregor, Forrest, Dembele.


My source, who also provided me with the Lite team prior to a derby game at Ibrox with 100% accuracy, is usually on the money. He also exclusively revealed that McInnes had shaken hands on a deal with Robertson. King’s call to McInnes and his desire to take the issue of compensation to court was a deal breaker. Did an unsettled McInnes leave Aberdeen’s season in tatters? I could make a cogent case for a causal link. After yesterday’s comprehensive 0-3 reverse in the first Scottish Cup Semi-Final one might expect McInnes to be shown the door. However this would allow Lite to hire him on the cheap. Can anyone envisage even the gullibillies accepting someone whose stock has fallen off a cliff?  Chapeau to Motherwell nevertheless.

If all eleven Celtic players turn up  The Celtic Monopoly of domestic trophies will continue. Six days later, three points will deliver their 49th title. If they extend their winning title run to twelve in a row, they will surpass the former Rangers as one of the latter’s titles was shared with Dumbarton in the late 19th century. The former Rangers domestic supremacy, with five overtly bent wins, will be usurped.

Celtic are in a different paradigm to a team of loanees, over the hill mercenaries and the first ever DFS player, Greg Docherty, who cost nothing up front with the first payment to be made in August. It’s the kind of business that must warm the cockles of Douglas Park’s heart with his equity in both clubs. Is it not high time that the SFA took him to task or are they too busy buffing his brown brogues to notice?

All eyes will be on the Lite Directors’ box to see whether King, who is now in contempt of court, turns up. As the TPE V King petition was the last in Lady Wolffe’s itinerary on Tuesday, her written judgment may be being written up as I write. It’s now obvious that King has no intention of making an offer and will retreat into the Limpopo shadows while still pulling the strings at Ibrox. If Robertson thinks that RIFC will escape sanctions by having a shadow chairman I suggest he thinks again.

As King contemplates going directly to jail and not collecting £200, Matron Murty will have his last ever meaningful roll of the dice. Lee McCulloch fancies Lite’s chances after extra time. I demur. Celtic will win this game by three clear goals on a level playing field.

My Auchenhowie mole has apprised me of an unusual training drill apropos Boyata, whom Murty & Nicholl believe is Celtic’s weakest link. The drill – Press, Dispossess, Dive in the box – speaks for itself. Even the lightest shirt pull by Boyata as he flounders to recover will result in those in light blue having a close encounter of the green kind.

A red card, a penalty and a Tavernier free kick give Lite a puncher’s chance. This is the best they can hope for. I don’t anticipate it being enough.