“New car caviar four star daydream think I’ll buy me a football team.” (Roger Waters – Money)
When the apartheid opportunist and career criminal Dave King first met Greg Morris he realised that his fellow Scot well met was running the same con. They were both passing themselves off as accountants. It was relatively easy to do so as the real accountants, drawn from white European stock, were engaging in an exodus of biblical proportions. When King and Morris lied there was no-one to check. The latter had blagged a financial controller position at Umgeni Water. The former – who had augmented his low paid employment as a clerk at Weir Pumps by hustling tourists on golf courses while carrying their clubs – bribed Morris’ boss to entrust the management of the financial reserves of Umgeni water to the ‘august accountant’ that was King. Morris joined King at Specialist Outsourcing faster than the ink could dry on the contract.
King listed his company on the newly formed JSE and as he bought stock from the front door no-one knew that he was shipping it out at the back door. A guy who had arrived in South Africa with a tenner in his pocket was now worth £100m.
So what does a barefoot punk from Castlemilk do with a bathtub full of wonga? He buys toys. A couple of airplanes, a Ferrari, a couple of S class Mercedes (one each for day and evening use) and a stake in Rangers.
Rangers to King was always a toy. David Murray – so bent that he could buy and sell King three times and make a profit from each transaction – could see King coming. If King wanted to hide £20m from SARS then Sir Bribe & Lie was his man. £20m in, £15m in dividends, leaving SARS onto coconuts in The Sunshine Islands.
It’s a tale of three crooks. What happened next was a war of attrition with SARS that was waged for twelve long years. This war resulted in King losing a half of his original fortune and being found guilty of 41 criminal offences each of which carried a tariff of two years imprisonment. The other 282 indictments, which included racketeering, money laundering, share manipulation, witness intimidation, fraud and bribery, were not pursued. This was deemed to be a favourable result.
King spent £25,000 of his ill-gotten gains acquiring the hacked hard disk of Craig Whyte and then set out to destabilise the Green board with Tweets from the Charlotte Fakeovers account. King wanted the world to believe that Green and Whyte conspired to crash Rangers and pick up what was salvageable for a song. It was a yarn swallowed wholesale by DCI Robertson who pissed in excess of two million pounds against walls in three continents. A further £16m of the public purse is at risk from a conspiracy manufactured by King.
Twenty million in, fifteen out, and twenty in collateral damage. King in a nutshell.
So why the walk down memory lane? We are at the dawn of a dark age where King is compelled to buy a majority stake in RIFC. The ownership of this expensive toy is within his grasp.
The aforementioned prosaic facts won’t feature in any sales prospectus issued by King. However they should as they are instructive. King believe it or not is going to purchase shares and then dilute their value by half. One can rest assured that this will be done to his advantage and to the severe detriment of James Blair’s Club 1872 CIC and the Gullibillies who bought shares from the bottom of their hearts to ‘save the club.’ HMS Rangers had long sailed, disappearing from radar in Bermuda on a course set for Davy Jones Locker.
The second largest shareholder should have a seat on the beleaguered board but they might as well lock themselves in a padded room with a dictaphone for all the difference it would make to King.
Ashley had the measure of King. Who could forget King leafing through the heady Limpopo bamboo on his way to Sports Direct’s Shirebrook HQ with an elephant gun in stowage. He left with a flea in his ear and a date with Messengers At Arms in Glasgow Central. King was doing what he does best viz ‘acting the cunt’ which led to Ashley making him look like a ‘real cunt.‘
Is SDM behind a group planning to buy shares in the impending equity car wash where King is at the wheel, our ursine chums are passengers, with everyone else being rinsed outside?
A report doing the rounds could well be fiction, but if no-one steps forward to challenge King can he be trusted with the keys to the Blue Room. When Whyte was given the keys he hawked the Arsenal shares. Should one check EBay for a Loving Cup being sold by a trust fund in The British Virgin Islands? One would not put anything past King.
With 14.47% King is a tin pot dictator running up debt faster than his old china David Duperee at a Bank of Scotland AGM. Can one imagine how unbearable he would be with 54.47%?
Rangers Lite’s fate for this season will be decided on Sunday. A win on Sunday will convince their well-heeled supporters – who will pay up to £100 to wade in Fenian blood of a black tie evening – that their worst nightmare of ten-in-a-row will not become a reality. The Bigots in Bow Ties will revert to being the ‘We Are The People’ Übermensch and live large the Nietzchean philosophy of ‘a superior man of the future who rises above conventional Christian morality to create and impose his own values.’
There is nothing Protestant about the Rangers Lite supporters any more. They are a sectarian anti – Catholic offshoot of the odious Orange Order.
So how does King rally his troops? Does he pat his general on the back? Heaven forbid. This is The King Show. Everything must be refracted through a SMSM prism to show a man in full command at the helm. Murty is disposable and must not steal fire from King’s Olympus. He will be replaced.
There is not even a carrot with King’s stick. I contend that Murty is doing a decent job with his January Sales Squad of loanees and DFS players (pay nothing down, first payment in August). He inherited the cokehead Pena from the comic genius that was Caixinha, the Ibrox tribute act to Benny Hill. Pena can now buy his Colombian marching powder directly from the Mexican Cartel. Uncut nose candy in a better climate with sun-kissed beauties. What’s not to like for Pena? Unfortunately our white-nosed carouser has been falling out of women and bars in the wee small hours and is being threatened with a return to Ibrox and his RFC shorts being remitted to the DEA. A return to Borax-laced cocaine and nights on the raz in Menstrie with Mariachi Morelos is the stuff of nightmares.
One of the advantages of living in exile is that I’m out of earshot of Hugh Keevins at Radio Clydebank. The Bears have been lining up like tipsters on the Epsom downs with a line of form that is predicated on Lite’s superior showing against Motherwell and Dundee. I anticipate that they will be comparing players’ forelocks before the week is out. As long as they don’t look in the nose bags at Auchenhowie. Is it any wonder that Gascoigne did lines of coke as a pick me up after another Friday night of Zebra Crossing frolics? The SFA CSI Unit, with a kit consisting of a roll of flypaper and a litmus stick, was last seen hitching a lift from a mobile library in Onich.
On a final note the Police Commanders who swing the lead and give Ibrox a safety certificate on the strength of a knuckle shuffle, are lobbying the SPFL to preclude the possibility of their fellow delicate flowers from Ibrox being the foils in a seven in a row title-winning celebration at Celtic Park. Heaven forfend the possibility of bursting their supremacy bubble, and horror of horror, not queuing up like lemmings at The Ibrox Box Office? What if the Celtic supporters storm the barricades to be at one with the players on the park? What if the Lite supporters respond in their customary fashion such as:
Of course these fully grown men who attacked the same stray callow youth were defending the players. Surely it was the least they could do?
I suggest that the travelling caravanserai would drop their spuds just as they did at Motherwell. Any attempt at re-enacting The Battle of The Boyne would not end well for The Billy Boys. They may be stupid but they’re not that stupid.
How will the spineless SPFL react? Will they emulate the SFA who fix the draw to ensure a Rangers Lite v Celtic Semi-Final? If Forres Mechanics had a B team in the Highland League, let’s call them the Forres Grease Monkeys, McRae would conspire to match them with the cold ball of Rangers Lite.
Will the SPFL ‘computer’ which in actuality is Rod Mackenzie’s spin drier spit out a pairing of the Glasgow clubs , or will they subvert the game as in the fix that gives Lite three home games against fellow Europa League contenders?
Will the Cassandras at Police Scotland prevail against the box office? Probably. If there was a kick-off and Doncaster staged this game under police protest it would cost him his job.
Had it not been for the intervention of King, I could have made a case for Murty’s Misfits prevailing against a Celtic team that are as rigid as an arthritic Cha Cha Cha. I have had the misfortune of watching Celtic in several no-scoring draws this season. Sinclair overlaps and crosses the ball to Dembele who arrives later than a Michael Barrymore pool party. James Forrest is shown inside, does his usual shimmy and then gets caught in possession, exposing Lustig and his lead boots to a run by Murphy. Boyata is always good for a goal of a start to the opposition. With Boyata and Madden on the park Lite will be playing 13 v 10. Not as good as the good old days when the former Rangers faced the five of Dunfermline in a title decider at Ibrox but a good start nevertheless.
If the Celtic team of last season turn up they will rag-doll the DFS misfits. However this team have rarely turned up this season. Where have they been? The Dark Side of the Moon?