The Gnomes of Nyon

Hibs ignominious defeat to Hearts at the dairy farm that is Tynecastle – where the grass is kept long to provide the HMFC players with cud fare – has left Neil Lennon at so much of a loss that he is considering his position. Levein took great pleasure in engineering Hibs Scottish Cup exit and undermining their runners-up aspirations. HMFC are an appalling team with players like Naismith who thinks he has a licence to stamp on Scott Brown’s family jewels and to maim James Forrest with a shocking over the ball lunge to his left ankle. Naismith was acting under instructions from Levein who had briefed the media that his players needed protection from Brown and with Madden’s cards firmly in his pocket, set Naismith the task of maiming two of their most influential players. I would not put it past Levein to figure out that Hibs would end up in fourth and that Motherwell could dash their Europa League prospects with the assistance of the conspicuous absence of Brown and Forrest. Levein, who once set out a Scotland team 4-6-0 with no forwards, not even a false number 9, is a grumpy old man who loves nothing more than to piss on other teams’ parades. Except of course at Ibrox where his team down tools faster than a striking Red Clydesider.

As to who will finish second, who cares? The game at Celtic Park has a  draw – Celtic’s eleventh this season – written all over it. If Hibs turn up with their beach towels and deck chairs on Sunday then one anticipates Lite being second and Dave King turning up to milk the plaudits.

As the season ends with a whimper, matters off the field are ending with a bang. Courtesy of the Hibs team playing in the manner of one with suntan lotion in their eyes, Lite have an automatic Europa League qualification spot. I am reliably informed that UEFA are asking for invoices to support Lite’s burgeoning submissions apropos redevelopment costs. There’s a gnawing suspicion that they are gilding this lily. Is it time for Lite’s UEFA fixer Campbell Ogilvie to pull a few strings?

Had it not been for a lack of Progres on the park this season questions would have been asked at Nyon in regard to Lite using prospective UEFA income to assuage auditors’ material uncertainty concerns. Those questions are now being asked. If UEFA are not satisfied with their responses Lite will be excluded.

I can exclusively reveal that Sandy Easdale has written to the Takeover Panel to ascertain how any rights issue could proceed with the ever present influence of two of our ursine friends – George Taylor is not a director – and the Limpopo Liar. Could Douglas Chins ‘R’ Us Park’s son be perceived as independent when everyone knows he does his father’s bidding?

I gave Sir Bribe & Lie £20m to hide from the South Africa Revenue Service, with the slippery bastard only giving me £15m in dividends. Give me my £5m you wide boy Fettes Fag!

King’s press conference was a GIRFIUY to the Panel. King has stated categorically that it’s just a process that he has to go through. That there will be no offer. What are the Panel waiting for? The press release is the smoking gun. Contempt of Court proceedings must inexorably follow.

The  Gnomes of Nyon – who are partial to a bung – will do King a favour if they kick out Lite’s UEFA application. Following his team might find King on the receiving end of a European Arrest Warrant.

On a final note I have been informed that ‘Clotted’ Weir has been replaced by Scott Mullen at The Herald and Times. A friendly hack who is aware of my endearing epithet wanted me to know. It would appear that others found Stewart’s stewardship somewhat lumpen. He added:

“Don’t know why and it’s made fuck all difference.”

A concatenation of No, Shit and Sherlock comes to mind.


8 thoughts on “The Gnomes of Nyon”

  1. It would be strange for sevco not to pass the UEFA sniff test ,a camp o good night out in Zurich with grasshoppers should pull it.

    Talking of sevco McRae must have been gutted with under 600 cove sevco fans at their big playoff gemme

  2. Who sits on this Panel? They can be treated like mugs by a rocket like King.Contempt of Court? No chance.Heavyweight criminals in the City and beyond must be rubbing their hands…..

    1. Just checked my own question and noted the Panel membership.Very big hitters,so why have they not dealt with Glib and Shameless? Very strange…..

  3. In lovely Heidelberg and heading home to NZ on Sunday. I predict that King believes that he is untouchable and will continue to show his contempt for the law. Meanwhile there are no investors stupid enough to waste their money and no players worth selling. This is a sinking ship and some have already launched their life rafts. The only question is when they will go under.

  4. Worth noting that Hearts record against Rangers this season matches that of Aberdeen.

    Aberdeen welcomed Rangers to Pittodrie twice, sadly Rangers did not have to visit Tynecastle this season.

    Celtic performed better on Tynecastle’s long grass than they did on their previous visit.

    Scott Brown has certainly been on the wrong end of some poor challenges from a number of teams this season. A case of live by the sword perhaps?.

  5. They must think no one will notice that THE DAY AFTER naismith is mom and nods the winner securing sevcos vital Euro slot he gets A TWO GAME BAN WITH ONLY ONE GAME LEFT. OH AND ANNE I MUST GET MY MONEY BACK BUDGES ABOUT APPEALING THE BAN.

    Scottish football is stinking.

    1. If Hearts want fan ownership then Anne Budge must be repaid.

      Naismith was eligible for Wednesday and played well.

      Here’s hoping Motherwell get a fair crack against Celtic this time. They do say these things even themselves up over the course of a season.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s