Enough is Enough

We are fortunate at The Sitonfence Speakeasy to have some excellent contributors. The Mensch does more than most to elevate the debate, and quietly contributes to the upkeep of our site. I have no hesitation in recommending TM’s posts. The evolution of this site has led others to suggest that this site is the preserve of Celtic supporters. Those who follow the East End club are well-represented, but those who follow other clubs also have a voice. I have a soft spot for so-called ‘diddy’ clubs as I played for one of these clubs in my callow youth.

By adding ‘bhoy’ to your moniker it leaves little doubt as to your club allegiances. The following comment is from Elbhoy:

” There’s a suspicion that for Findlay, some of this cross-examination has personal resonance.

Regan is a plausible nonentity who showed some scrivening skills as a lad, but, as the public face of the SFA, he is rolled out to mouth blandishments to the breathless Scottish media. (The SFA themselves are merely a clique elected by & from within clubs to present the illusion of accountability to the gullible. They write their own rules to suit themselves & ignore these same rules when they are inconvenient.)

Thus the SFA have repeatedly soiled themselves with this whole Rangers/Sevco saga:
from zero diligence when considering Rangers submission for a Uefa Licence in 2011 to issuing a temporary SFA licence to Sevco while Oldco Rangers’ one was still live & valid; to adjusting the terms of reference for the LNS enquiry to circumvent the inconvenient truth about the “wee tax case” and to cap it all permit  Sandy Bryson to invent justification for the “improper yet valid” registration status of EBT players at Rangers.

The UEFA application in 2011 required the applicant (Rangers) to satisfy the SFA that there were no outstanding social taxes, which they obviously did. Their presentation had the seal of the accountants (Grant Thornton) which helped make it persuasive for the SFA. We don’t know the nature of that accountancy endorsement, but we can be fairly confident that it was heavily qualified. Bottom line, Rangers told the SFA that there were no unpaid social taxes and the SFA believed them.

The evidence being presented at the Whyte trial will be considered on it’s merits, but it has, as many others have said, placed on record a version of SFA/Rangers related events from 2011/2012 that are at odds with the version to which the SFA have so doggedly clung for 5 years.

It is NOW a matter of public record that the DOS-scheme-HMRC invoice was accepted, unchalllenged & unpaid at the time of & even after Rangers application to the SFA at the Uefa Licence hearing. The club had known of the unpaid invoice for many months. As they couldn’t afford to pay it, it appears from the evidence, that there was an intention for a new owner to settle that bill. For the purposes of the Uefa licence aplication, this rationale should have been an irrelevance. However, Uefa delegates to member associations the authority to rule appropriately in such matters. If this scenario was open & above board then it should have been disclosed by the applicant at the hearing. We can only speculate if it was.

Further, the same DOS scheme, when operated by Rangers, was NEVER legal, and so could NEVER have legitimately been available to other Scottish clubs (copyright Nimmo Smith). The DOS scheme was originally due for inclusion in the LNS Enquiry, but the scope of that was quietly changed by the SFA to exclude the period during which the illegal DOS scheme was used by Rangers.

Thus, the SFA chose to belatedly restrict the scope of LNS, such that it could NOT consider evidence that would have had to find Rangers guilty of illegally gaining a sporting advantage (With all the implications that carried for loss of trophies). They then knowingly allowed their employee/agent Bryson to present his ridiculous evidence of “imperfectly registered players” thereby ensuring that Rangers could not be held liable for fielding unregistered players. Both these actions mean that the SFA are circumstantially but comfortably tainted by the convenient justification of Nimmo Smith’s ruling. He found that since the Appeals process for Tax Tribunal findings was still in progress, the scheme “at that time” had to be considered as legal, and thus, no unfair sporting advantage was gained by Rangers. The LNS enquiry was very quickly regarded as a coordinated & contrived event to present the impression of a searching and thorough legal hearing. Now? Less of a genuine enquiry, more of a self -serving & circular exercise worthy of Sir Humphrey Appleby at his devious & suave best.

It might have been dodgy but it wasn’t illegal (YET) so if the other clubs were as streetwise as Rangers they too could have taken that business risk. Ergo the opportunity to operate an EBT scheme was open to all & no sporting advantage was accrued by Rangers.

A bit like being told that the man who stole your car should be applauded for his enterprise & opportunism, and that you too could have stolen someone’s car if you’d had the guts.

Finally, in the often forgotten ‘Five Way Agreement”, (Rangers, Sevco, SFL SPL & SFA) the SFA agreed that Sevco Scotland (now know as TRFC) would not suffer the loss of any trophies won by the previous but now liquidated entity known as Rangers.


LNS was simply designed to secure the result that the SFA had already signed up to. These matters were part of an earlier article by JJ.


I commend Elbhoy for his excellent contribution to a debate that has raged since 2011. Six years later we are beginning to put the pieces together much to the chagrin of those in authority. One should note that Neil Doncaster’s SPL commissioned the LNS Inquiry. Stewart Regan, quite incredibly, imposed himself on a 3 man supervisory panel. Regan was exposed. The decision to grant Rangers a UEFA licence in 2011 was at worst corrupt, at best ill-advised. The scope of the LNS inquiry was altered to exclude the illegal DOS/VSS tax evasion. The entire exercise was a sham with the predetermined result that Rangers Lite would receive a slap on the wrist.

It’s important to emphasise that the LNS inquiry has no legal status. Petitioning for a judicial review of the LNS inquiry would be akin to taking your local golf club to court for not applying its own rules.

As Elbhoy points out these rules are a moveable feast. The concept of an undue payable not ‘crystallising’ was introduced to the lexicon of Scottish football. An elegant, some might contend sophisticated, expression does not give truth to a lie. Each and every game that Rangers participated in with inappropriately registered players should be recorded as a 0-3 reverse. There was nothing ‘imperfect’ about the systemic cheating. Rangers got away with subverting the rules of Scottish football for a minimum of a decade. Twenty trophies are tainted. They should be excised from the records.

The myth of continuation must also be put to bed. Neil Doncaster is the leading light of this barefaced lie. Liquidation is a black and white issue. Charles Green bought a basket of assets and formed a new club. It’s not difficult to comprehend when one engages brain.

The trial of Craig Whyte will be instructive. Those deemed paranoid and obsessed will be proven to have been right all along.

Nothing to see here Timmy, move along”  no longer has any resonance.  Regan will cling to the fig leaf that he was lied to by Rangers, but if truth be told Ali Russell and Andrew Dickson were pushing against a door that had been opened by Campbell Ogilvie. Regan and his team accepted fanciful interim accounts in 2011. Six years later they are pulling the same stroke to shoehorn Rangers Lite into a UEFA berth, despite everyone knowing that the current interim accounts mask a £3m loss. Even if one discounts the clear transgression of FFP regulations apropos £13m in loans, how can Rangers Lite satisfy the ruling that a club cannot use UEFA income to break even? Regan has learnt nothing from 2011. He is up to his old interim accounts  artifice again.

To err once is human. To repeatedly err to favour one club is corrupt!

We now know who the intended audience was when Lite published their interim tissue of lies. Regan needed another fig leaf. Rangers Lite were quick to oblige.

However this time we can see him coming. Should your club not act to haul Regan over the coals then impose a moratorium on your season ticket purchase. Withdraw their lifeblood. It’s the only collective means of stating:

Enough is enough.

If we don’t act now, our children will be next to endure the travails of Helicopter Sunday. It’s high time Scottish Football governance changed direction.

The Only Show In Town

As I predicted David Murray lied through his back teeth to save his reputation as he has a village of new build homes to flog in Gogarburn. An e-mail message from SDM to his legal consigliere David Horne on the 4th May 2011, nine days prior to Whyte’s acquisition of Murray’s majority holding, was particularly revealing:

We need to get this over the line…or the chance of stability is gone, there is no realistic alternative..nothing is perfect. Any hope of future funding is lost….our season ticket and future playing squad details will not make good reading.”

We are back to the pig with lipstick analogy. SDM is keen to ‘get this over the line‘ before Whyte realises he has been sold a pup with distemper. David Murray’s act was a reprise of his disingenuous showing as Mr Black at the Upper Tier Tribunal. He was not believed then and he continues to strain credibility to this day. He will be back in the witness box today. There was no possibility that Donald Findlay would give SDM an easy ride. Murray is the Crown’s star witness. Findlay’s client’s fortunes will rise or fall on his QC’s ability to undermine Murray’s credibility.

Murray was keen to distance himself from Whyte, stating that they had only met on four occasions. Murray asserted under oath that ‘he had no relationship with Whyte.’ Findlay produced eight pages of text messages and e-mails proving that SDM was constantly in touch with Whyte over a period of 8-9 months after the sale of his equity for £1.

One of Murray’s rendezvous with Whyte in Monaco was described by SDM as ‘cordial’. Findlay pressed Murray as to why he did not take Whyte to task on his £24m Ticketus funding. Given Murray’s song and dance that he ‘would have never allowed the deal to proceed had he known of this third party finding’  it was unequivocally the elephant in the room. Yet when pushed as to why he did not broach the subject when breaking bread with Whyte, the best Murray could muster was :

I can’t answer that.”

Allow me to assist you Mr Murray. You did not give a flying fuck where Whyte’s money was coming from. You did not broach the subject because you knew full well about the Ticketus arrangement. I contend that you assisted Whyte to arrange this quantum. Whyte was unknown to Octopus/ Ticketus and had no track record of running a football club or any other sports franchise. Did you open the door for Whyte, Mr Murray? If there’s a smoking gun on paper, you will be proven to have lied under oath. If Murray has engaged in perjury Findlay will have him bang to rights.

There is also an elephant in the courtroom. I contend that Donald Findlay will be congnizant of the $1m bribe from Murray to Lawrence Marlborough in 1988. If I were in Whyte’s shoes I would press Findlay to deploy this weapon of mass destruction.

Which reminds me that none other than Halloween Houston was present in court yesterday. I trust it was restorative to take a weekday off from distributing Tequila cocktails and running the Bank that likes to say ‘Si Si Si’ to Pedro’s Caixinha’s Rangers Lite. Did our Sons of Strewth auteur return to his Savings & Loans CIC to put in an evening shift, or was he otherwise engaged in his Adult Education classes? Allow me to put Halloween out of his misery: The cat sat on the mat.

When quizzed about the Ebola Benefit Trusts Murray revealed that the loans would be repaid in 2020. Whatever happened to the loans being retrospectively repaid from the recipients’ estates? Did Murray let slip a Supreme Court insight? Will all tax-evaders be given three years to put their tax affairs in order?

Murray is not very good at dates. He claimed that he was unaware of the Ticketus deal until December 2012. Findlay proved that he was aware of it more than a year prior to his mendacious assertion.

Murray agreed with Findlay hat he had referred to Whyte’s bid as ‘The Only Show in Town’. However he did reveal that the barber’s model could only raise £1.5m in his bid to secure his namesake’s equity.  Paul Murray, as we have long known, did not have a pot to piss in. He had to await King’s transfer of £25,000 to pay Stevenson for his misappropriated data. One can but hope that Findlay lights this rocket up King’s arse when The Glibster steps up to the witness box.

The dirty laundry is coming thick and fast. I would not be surprised if Tracy Emin’s unmade bed was wheeled into  court as evidence.

Exocets at Ibrox

Prior to writing this article I tip my hat to BBC Scotland’s Andrew Black and his live tweets from Glasgow’s High Court. By far his most entertaining was an exchange between Craig Whyte’s counsel Donald Findlay and the former FD of Rangers, Donald MacIntyre. Findlay suggested that Murray International Holdings (MIH) were concealing how rotten the state of Govania had become. Macintyre conceded that they were being  ‘selective‘ in regard to information deposited in the ‘data room‘. One assumes that this is not an actual room, but an ethereal metaphysical construct that the law has yet to catch up with.

Wee Stevie, who had to take time off due to Post Traumatic Sevco Disorder on his discovery that Dave King had bought his cherished data set, has enough on his plate and no time to master quantum mechanics.

Wee Stevie weighs up disaster recovery options should the data room come under attack from Exocet missiles.

Donald Findlay,  who hit a rich seam of form on day four, quipped that Murray had tried to conceal how much explosives were in The Exocet Missile from The Ebola Benefits Trusts. Findlay, who suffers from a rare allergy to Papal Smoke, had no hesitation in dropping this bomb in the High Court. I’m sure rumours that he was humming OMD’s Enola Gay at the time are ill-founded.

It was such an incisive attack that it almost left a crater. Findlay is evidently making a cogent case for Craig Whyte being sold a pig with eye-liner, rouge and lipstick. Miss Piggy in a blazer and brogues if you will.

How remiss of Sir David to leave a smoking gun e-mail in which he gives instructions to conceal the executive remuneration plans, and as Findlay had earlier established Salary McCoist’s succession golden parachute. One notes that Whyte, the former Ibrox bookworm, has 8,000 pages of evidence squirrelled away for a rainy day. So far they have not been tested by April showers, but will come in handy when it starts raining white cats, SDM, and dogs, Dave King. One can but hope that Whyte’s sound-bites take a chunk out of both.

When I think of SDM and King, I envisage a Highwayman being assailed by a Pirate. The Limpopo Liar and The Charlotte Square Bribe Merchant are cut from the same cloth. The only discernible difference is that David Murray’s $1m bribe to Lawrence Marlborough was successful, whereas King’s offer of a bribe to the SARS Assistant Tax Commissioner was ultimately unsuccessful.

Findlay, barely concealing the zeal of a Japanese vendor of used panties, continued to pursue more dirty laundry for our delectation. Liquidity issues in 2010, one year prior to Whyte’s one pound acquisition, had prompted discussions on pre-pack administration. Lloyds Bank, who were at the end of their tether with the financial basket case, introduced a working capital facility (an overdraft) of £15m and a maximum debt ceiling of £22m, with repayment terms of £1m per month. Lloyds were not taking  prisoners. Mike McGill of MIH warned that the club would soon be in breach of the Lloyds Bank facility. Rangers was haemorrhaging money.

Findlay established that Murray was burying bodies like an undertaker working shifts. When Whyte opened the  books, he recoiled at the baggage left behind  by SDM.

This baggage included  a missive from HMRC in May 2011 instructing  Rangers to remit £2.8m within 30 days.  This was the month after Campbell Ogilvie and Stewart Regan had come to the conclusion that Rangers had no ‘undue payables’. Did the penny finally drop when Messengers at Arms turned up at Ibrox in August? Rangers were allowed to compete in Europe despite engaging in tax-evasion and having a social tax debt of £2.8m. This is no longer Resolution 12 Requisitioners howling at the  moon. This has now been established in the highest criminal court in Scotland. Stewart Regan who with Neil Doncaster changed the timeline of the LNS commission to cover his exposed arse, has nowhere to hide on this issue. He and Doncaster must be hung out to dry. I have a strong inkling that a solicitor for the requisitioners will be drafting a letter as I lay down my pen. Ogilvie and  Regan broke the rules to favour the SFA’s eleven. They must be brought to book, preferably before Regan has  an opportunity to be fitted for a new three-piece suit for The Scottish Cup Final. It’s high time to rain on his corrupt parade.

On a final note I enjoyed Findlay’s metaphors on the relationship between Lloyds Bank and an Ibrox board which included the Charlotte Fakeovers luminaries Dave King and Paul Murray, after the Rangers debts had been assigned to Craig Whyte’s Wavetower. Findlay implied that the bankers were somewhat forthright in  their views, warning King and Murray of a closing door causing collateral damage as it was being slammed shut behind them. The Corporate Credit Card would have been swallowed by the Govania ATM if the barber’s model had attempted to source pin money for hair products.

I trust that Wee Stevie had access to luncheon vouchers. Attending to the metaphysical  is best performed on a full stomach.

The SFA – Fatally Compromised

Day 4 of the Craig Whyte Trial has revealed that HMRC demanded payment on 26 November 2010 apropos the Illegal DOS/VSS scheme which paid Moore, De Boer and Flo off the books to evade tax.

However here’s the real kicker. A side letter left no doubt that Rangers had been caught bang to rights. The £2.8m Wee Tax Case includes £500,000 interest. An appeal could have been lodged before the end of the calendar year, but this came and went with the principal unpaid and with the interest invoice ignored. SDM refused to pay it, preferring to offload it to Whyte.

This social taxes debt was due in November 2010. There was no appeal. So how on God’s green earth can the slimy supercilious Regan claim that it had not ‘crystallised‘?

Regan knew he was compromised. He attempted to cover his arse thus:

From: Stewart Regan [mailto:Stewart.Regan@scottishfa.co.uk]

Sent: 07 December 2011
To: Ali Russell; Andrew Dickson
Importance: High
** Confidential **
** High Priority **
Further to my discussion yesterday with Andrew on the matter of Rangers FC’s European licence I would like to release the following statement. I believe this will be in the interest of both the club and ourselves and I hope you agree. Please can you confirm that you are happy with the content. If so, I would propose to issue this later today at an agreed time with yourselves.

“In light of persistent speculation across all media, the Scottish FA would like to clarify the position in regard to Rangers FC’s licence to play in Europe as governed by Article 50 of the UEFA Regulations.It is noted from the report submitted to the Licensing Committee by Rangers FC’s advisors Grant Thornton UK LLP, dated 30th March 2011, that:

All the recorded payroll taxes at 31 December 2010 have, according to the accounting records of the Club since that date been paid in full by 31 March 2011, with the exception of the continuing discussion between the Club and HM Revenue and Customs in relation to a potential liability of £2.8m associated with contributions between 1999 and 2003 into a discounted option scheme. These amounts have been provided for in full within the interim financial statements.

Since the potential liability was under discussion by Rangers FC and HM Revenue & Customs as at 31st March 2011, it could not be considered an overdue payable as defined by Article 50.We are satisfied that the evidence from all parties complied with Article 50 and, on that basis, a licence was awarded for season 2011-12.

Stewart M. Regan
Chief Executive
The Scottish F.A.

Whyte did not agree to its release, so a snivelling Regan was left to hang out to dry. Fall on your sword Regan. You’re a disgrace.

Murder by Numbers – Stands 1,2,3

It’s common knowledge that SDM had been trying to sell Rangers ‘his fucking calling card‘ since 2006. Despite knowing that the EBT side-letters were instruments of mass destruction he was happy to pocket £500,000 per annum for his tax-evading ‘prowess’. He knew that the HMRC piper was becoming more insistent, but he could not find anyone sufficiently stupid to sup from his poisoned chalice. If John Greig had been a man of means his MIH problem child would have found a new guardian.

It took five long years to find Craig Whyte and had it not been for the intervention of Lloyds Bank, who threatened to foreclose on circa £18.5m, Whyte would not find himself fighting for his liberty today.

The major takeaway from Blue Monday is that Lloyds would have called in the administrators had Whyte’s offer not gone through.

As opposed to Whyte’s neck in the stocks, SDM would have faced the pitchforks and burning torches. SDM knew it was coming. Was he pushed when he relinquished control of the club to Lloyds, or did he jump knowing that his tax evasion was about to break?

It should have of course been an abbreviated concatenation of ‘you’ and ‘are’ to form ‘you’re’. I blame the schools.

The man who has been pilloried from pillar to post saved Rangers from administration in 2011. Lloyds despite their best efforts could not envisage any other means of getting their money back. Donald Muir had done a sterling job of reducing Lloyds’ exposure to £18m and change. He wanted to reduce this to a half of this quantum.

However the so-called real Rangers Men, Dave King, Paul Murray and John Greig,  were not prepared to accept the austerity. They voted for foreclosure and  Administration with a view to picking up the club for a song. The odious shameless career criminal, who is a pariah in the City, later voted against a CVA when Charles Green rocked up Edmiston Drive. There are occasions when one cannot pass a cigarette paper between King and SDM. They are both complicit in one of the biggest sporting scandals in British history. Should we have expected anything less from individuals who think tax is the exclusive preserve of ‘the people‘?

COPFS/ Police Scotland would have us believe that Whyte is a criminal mastermind while SDM sits stroking a white cat and King a stray mongrel, proving the adage that owners are attracted to dogs in their image.

How does it feel to be prosecuting a case where it has been revealed that Whyte saved the club, only to be later overwhelmed by SDM’s tax evasion backlash?

Here’s the kicker. Given that Ticketus had been introduced at Ibrox, did SDM or Mike McGill salt the mine for Whyte by apprising him of some relatively cheap finance?

One would hope that Donald Findlay poses this key question to former FD, Donald McIntyre.

Donald McIntyre went further by holing the SFA under the water line when he revealed that he and other directors sat down with Whyte in March to inquire how he was planning to meet the costs of the Lloyds liability, the £1.7m in remedial maintenance and the £2.8m due from the illegal DOS/VSS artifice. So much for the SFA claim that the debt had not ‘crystallised.’ It’s at the top of an agenda prior to the SFA/UEFA cut-off on 31 March.

Crystallised joins imperfect but eligible in the SFA’s canon of shame.

I’m indebted to a direct message on Twitter for insights on the £1.7m of mandatory remedial maintenance. The following e-mail from June 2011 is believed to have been remitted by Woolgar Hunter:

” We have recently completed a survey of the all of the stand roofs at Ibrox and the results were not positive. As a result of many years of limited expenditure the roofs are now in a dilapidated state and in places have become unsafe to the point that contractors have indicated they may not be safe enough to continue working on.

This was notified to the Exec Directors on 9 May (mail attached) and again included in the CAPEX list sent last month.”

Let’s recap. Six years before my exclusive that the roofs of three stands had to be lifted, connectors repaired and replaced, we now discover:

That contractors have indicated they (the roofs) may not be safe enough to continue working on.”

Could someone apprise The Health & Safety Executive that any self certification by the board of Rangers Lite is bogus.

The roofs were unsafe to work on in 2011. Six years later the situation is critical. Murder by numbers, stands 1,2,3.

Is a third knuckle handshake as good as a wink from a partially-sighted HSE executive?

Whyte is being charged with the fraudulent acquisition of 89% of the equity in RFC Plc. If I were Whyte I would countersue to retrieve the £1 he disbursed as he was evidently fleeced.

A Gold Plated Deckchair on RFC Titanic

When Lady Stacey allowed live Tweets from proceedings at Glasgow High Court she was aware that social media would avail of them for discussion. If one were to take a look at the SFM, one will note that this discussion is in full flow.

I’m not anonymous to Police Scotland. They are monitoring my output. When they visited my parents they repeatedly stated that ‘He could be in contempt of court. We are not quite sure.’  It was a shot across the bows by COPFS. My position on the Craig Whyte trial is that it’s a palpable waste of millions from the public purse. In my considered view after hours of research, David Murray is responsible for the demise of Rangers. His wanton disregard for HMRC regulations came back to bite the club after he had conveniently found a buyer.

I therefore have no real interest in the outcome of this trial. I most certainly have an interest in witness statements as a veritable rogues gallery has been lined up. I understand that Ally McCoist was witness number 79. How many witnesses will be called? I know of one whom has not been disclosed as yet but I’m not at liberty to name him.

Lady Stacey advised jurors not to access articles on proceedings on social media. She therefore anticipated the risk of allowing live tweets. As is so often the case the majority of English legislation has been tinkered with by Brussels and those on the monthly gravy train to Strasbourg. The latter no expense spared junket goes so far as to charter trains for this French farce. The following is from an article that looks at the legislation in a concise fashion:

The ECHR ruled that English contempt law breached article 10 of the convention parliament enacted the Contempt of Court Act 1981. It prohibits the media from publishing information that will prejudice ongoing legal cases and in particular trials before juries. The primary function of the Contempt of Court Act is to protect the integrity of active court proceedings. Following the ECHR ruling the Contempt of Court Act was drawn up with the aim of increasing the personal freedom of speech. A strict liability rule is introduced by the Act. Under this rule any conduct that interferes with the course of justice can be treated as contempt of court even when there was no intention to interfere. This rule applies only to publications i.e. any form of communication addressed to any section of the public or the public at large. There are two limitations on when the Contempt of Court Act applies.

1. It only applies when a publication carries a substantial risk of seriously prejudicing justice in the proceedings.

2. It applies only to publications when proceedings are active.

There are both civil and criminal components to the Act. The criminal offence of Contempt of Court carries a jail sentence of up to two year and an unlimited fine. It should be noted that the Contempt of Court Act applies solely to court cases in the UK”

Could I argue that the legislation impinges on my European rights to freedom of expression? There is also the argument that as an exile I’m not bound by UK legislation. There was a court injunction to prevent the publication of Spycatcher in the UK. It was published and serialised in Australia. I would not recommend it to anyone as it’s a very dry read with only a few insights on the world of ‘spooks’.

If any juror should stop by I would strongly recommend  that you impose a moratorium on reading my articles until after the trial. I will not arrive at a conclusion until I am in possession of all the information. I won’t publish this conclusion until after jury deliberations and a decision has been made by Lady Stacey. My focus will be on witness statements and dirty laundry. I will also be keeping a close eye on David Murray, Mr Black, to whom a full chapter in my online publication – The Reservoir Dogs of Rangers – will be devoted.

From the first two days of proceedings it’s evident that Donald Findlay’s strategy is to portray Rangers as a corporate vessel that had been holed under the water line, and his client as the unwitting captain of RFC Titanic. Rangers was sinking fast.

One of the more interesting aspects of Mr. Smith’s testimony was the revelation that Ally McCoist had an iron-clad contract to succeed him.  I have met Mr. McCoist in the course of my part-time student gig as a steward/bouncer at Edinburgh’s L’attaché. He arrived late one Sunday evening with Ian Durrant and Miss Scotland. As it was after one a.m. I initially knocked him back. As he accepted his knock back with a quiet dignified acknowledgement, with no ‘don’t you know who I am‘ bombast, I called after his retreating figure and invited him and his party to enter. I have never met someone, to use an inelegant phrase, who was such a fanny magnet. Most of the girls in the club left without their knickers as they had presented them to McCoist. Some had included their phone numbers written on lipstick. Some did not wear knickers at the club but that’s a story for another time.

The manager of The Rutland Hotel was a die-hard bluenose who invited Ally, Iain and Sheena to join us for a staff drink. He had so many pairs of panties falling out of his pockets that he resembled a failed conjuror.

In minutes of a board meeting presented to the court Martin Bain referred to ‘an enormous sum‘ that would have to be paid to McCoist if he was not chosen to succeed Smith. I venture that this was a seven figure sum, consisting of his £750,000 annual salary and his £250,000 expense account. £125,000 of the expense quantum was subject to receipts which he stuffed in a drawer and left Dickson and his minions to unravel.

So a cool million if he did not succeed Smith in an organisation that was in distress and being run by an officer of Lloyds Bank. What an audacious chancer. As we later found out his coaching skills worked well against teams whose players turned up in boiler suits and yard overalls after a shift, but less so when confronted with full-time players.

Donald Findlay asserted:

Somebody has put the club in a position that if they don’t follow the line of succession it is going to cost the club a small fortune. Extraordinary isn’t it?

Walter Smith responded:

Mr McCoist obviously negotiates his own contracts, so he’s possibly a bit brighter than I am”.

I will brook no argument with The Cardigan. The guy who claimed that he just signed what was put in front of him was lying. He made sure that what was put in front of him was to his liking or he would sting the club for a million. He had a gold-plated deckchair on RFC Titanic.

Post Traumatic Sevco Disorder.

I have never seen a side so dominant in 45 minutes of football. Rangers Lite could not get the ball off Celtic. There were no shots on or off target for Lite. It took 62 minutes to earn their first corner. The 0-2 score line flattered them. Halliday’s assault on Patrick Roberts should have led to his arrest, never mind a red card all day long. Maybe Willie Collum could explain how many bookable offences is Beerman allowed  prior to his dismissal? A stronger referee would have reduced Lite to 9 men as some of their tackles, especially Halliday’s lunge, were naked attempts to injure players.

We were led to believe that the Caixinha’s Calypso was in full swing. After a one-point ‘victory’ at Celtic Park the Aberdeen surrender monkeys were given short shrift. Pedro was unbeaten and hopes were high. However Rangers could not get the ball. The first half was like a training exercise for Celtic, save the savage tackling and attempts to maim players. Is this what Rangers Lite are reduced to? Savagely railing against the passing of the limelight?

I watched the game with an intelligent Ibrox season ticket holder, which to some might be an oxymoron. Having impressed me with his insights on Rangers youth players, he then produced a doozy with a reach that almost overwhelmed me. He put down Rangers poor first half showing to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Apparently the players were so distraught at the savage assaults from Hibs fans, the spitting and the catcalls, that they have not fully recovered from their ordeal. I tried to explain that Keith Jackson was talking out of a hole adjacent to his alimentary canal but his mind had been made up. He almost ventured that by not returning to Hampden for the final it would give the bruised psyches more time to heal.

The Daily Rectum has a lot to answer for. Keith Level 5 Lickspittle is respected as one of Rangers’ own. He played in the under 14s Rangers Boys Club. BFDJ is too stupid to be credible, so Lite fans latch on to Jackson for journalistic leadership. If he says all the players were assaulted then it’s taken as read.

You could not make this up. The death knell of a lacklustre season pits Lite against Celtic at Ibrox. The only thing left to play for is to put Celtic’s nose out of joint by bringing their unbeaten run to an end. If one assumes that Brown is suspended and Dembele injured, Lite won’t have a better chance. But who would ever back them again after today’s showing? The Post Traumatic Sevco Disorder is strong in this one.