I believe it was Harold Wilson who first coined the phrase that a week was a long tome in politics. I have no hesitation in suggesting that the past week has been a long time in Scottish Football politics. The Takeover Panel decision to take Dave King and his concert party activities to task is a boon for those who have been quick to decry this carpetbagging career criminal. How long can he continue as the shadow director in chief of Rangers Lite? Is it not about time that the SFA grew a pair and suspended him from any activity apropos their member club? How long can those charged with Scottish Football governance sit on their hands? What kind of self-styled saviour of the club engages in an illegal conspiracy, uses hacked information to undermine the previous regime, lies about nominated advisers and for an encore has the equity delisted from its Junior AIM exchange?
He is as beneficial as an outbreak of cholera.
I cannot think of anyone more deserving of the City’s very own Black Spot, namely The Cold Shoulder. Will the SFA allow King to direct financial negotiations right under their noses despite being a pariah in he City? One realises that by conflating Scottish Football with Governance one is engaging in an oxymoron, but how stupid can these people be? Sufficiently stupid not to engage in a regime of drug testing. King has been laundering money right under their noses. His first £20m was rinsed for £5m by David Murray, with the latter going on to play a losing game of ‘craps’ with a billion pounds of Scottish savers’ money. It was very much a case of ‘hail fellow pirate well met.’
What will it take to put a stake through the heart of this spiv succubus?
Just when the ramifications of your Takeover Takedown piece were beginning to percolate like Lady Bear’s Blue Mountain coffee, you stepped up with a sawn-off shotgun with The Black Spot. One hardly had time to draw breath before one was immersed in the nuances of tax legislation, with Julian Ghosh reverting to what can best be described as Robert Burns prose with the use of ‘t’ when he meant ‘to’. What a ‘t it’.
I must confess that I did not catch much of the second day’s play as it was Bond Week in the sexual role play that Lady Bear and I engage in to while away the quiet afternoons in the Chalfonts. When Lady Bear stepped out of the shower in her white bikini with one of her Sabatier knives strapped to her thigh, doing a very passable impression of Honey Ryder, who was I to play Doctor No?
I digress. One realises that the majority of Celtic supporters have engaged in what can best be described as a foundation course in sports law, but as a Rangers man reared on the good old days of tax evasion and dual contracts, I chose to look away when Tore Andre Flo rocked up Edmiston Drive for a King’s ransom. One could tell that David Murray was engaging in a ‘pissing contest’ with the East End Biscuit Tin Politburo. Little did we know at that time that Murray, in a move that would bring a tear to Lance Armstrong’s eye, had strapped a catheter to his thigh so that he could piss up a storm. His introduction of the Discount Option Value Shift Scheme was beyond the yen of the Celtic HND undergraduates, but caught the eye of one intrepid fellow who went by the name of The Rangers Tax Case Blogger. Had it not been for his sterling work, and to give credit where it’s due to Andy Muirhead of Scotzine (are they one and the same?) we would have been in the dark about the piracy in the Govan dry dock. Phil Mac was the pathologist who performed the autopsy with his book ‘Downfall’. This led to such an outpouring of indignant outrage that Mr Macgiollabhain dressed up as Salmon Rushdie for some respite.
This begs the question JJ. Are the Rangers headless chickens coming home to roost?
Lady Bear has just emerged from the garage with a can of gold paint. Time to don a cummerbund and bow tie and add a diphthong to my pronunciation of SMERSH.
“Underneath the mango tree / Me honey and me can watch for the moon
Underneath the mango tree / Me honey and me make boolooloop soon “
Yours in Rangers,
Edward ‘Teddy’ Bear Esquire,
Buckinghamshire WATP 1690
Honey Ride Her was appositely named. Quite the girl. Even a conflation of Jackie Bird and bush cannot hold a candle to Ursula Andress in her pomp.Which reminds me, how is Super Ally, your Siamese cat, settling in to his Chalfonts digs? Does he still require The Evening Times to elicit a good dump?
The theme of trouble in Paradise chimes with events at our very own Club Tropicana 1872. Three directors have just stepped down from their board. Iain Leiper, Laura Fawkes and Joanne Percival were elected to office in September,
The trio’s resignation leaves James Blair, William Cowie, Alex Wilson and Craig Houston at the helm. I’m sure there’s no truth in the rumour that they had to do ‘walking away’ prior to Dave Black Spot King swinging in to Govan dry dock to deprive 1872 of their pieces of eight.
There can be little doubt that Leiper, Fawkes and Percival are giving King The Cold Shoulder. Je Suis Graham was on hand to engage in some crisis management:
“Club 1872 has been advised of the resignation of 3 directors, Iain Leiper, Laura Fawkes and Joanne Percival. Club 1872 is disappointed that these directors are unable to see out their term of office but does thank them for all of their hard work, dedication and efforts to date. Becoming a director of the Club 1872 is a considerable undertaking and we should be grateful to all of those willing to take this step. The remaining Directors, James Blair, William Cowie, Alex Wilson and Craig Houston remain and have each committed to continue to serve Club 1872, its members and the vision and objectives of an organisation which is run for and by its members. The Board has made efforts over the last few days to deal with the practical consequences of the resignations. This has included speaking to our employee, dealing with the transfer of passwords and social media accounts, reassigning work streams and many other matters. A dialogue has also been maintained with the resigning directors. We are conscious that they were elected by you, our members and that you would want us to deal with them professionally and with respect.”
I almost reached for a David Murray catheter to piss myself laughing when I read of a ‘Considerable Undertaking.’ Craig Houston’s previous history of high command was helping Sandy Chugg run his Temazepam Tuck Shop. Forgive me if I demur on the august qualities required to give King all of their money all of the time.
The SMSM would have us believe that King is jetting in to meet Caixinha. This is pure poppycock. Adam Ant singing ‘Stand and Deliver’ would be closer to the mark.
King is nothing if not a Dandy Highwayman.The Gullibillies who hand over their hard earned £18.72 per month for shares will soon be engaging in a round of King cleansing.
Does King actually need to mount them before they realise that they are being shafted?
Rangers Lite were quick to distance themselves from the proceedings at the Supreme Court. Colour me surprised. When perpetrating a lie that your Pantomime horse of RIFC/TRFC is a continuation of the old club, it does not play well when dead Dobbin turns up on a slab in London’s Parliament Square.
For my money The Supreme Court will uphold the Inner House rulings as Andrew Thornhill was as shifty as Dave King on a bare week. In the unlikely event that they prefer a bit of Heidi Poontang, the EBT recipients will still be squealing like piglets on their way to being pork kebabs.
A week where King and Barry Ferguson were skewered will not play well at The Daily Rectum. Their King/Caixinha season ticket drive will dominate their copy in the coming week. One can but hope that Pedro remembers not to congratulate Celtic on their sixth successive title. ‘Go Hoops’ will be as proscribed as The Famine Song, not that the klan have any hesitation in belting out the latter. One wonders how Caixinha will take to wading in his own blood. If he reverts to ‘Go Hoops’ he will soon find out.
Yours in exile