An Open Letter To Stewart Regan

In the last 24 hours I have written to SFA Chief Executive Stewart Regan with a request for his comments regarding some significant incidents in Scottish Football in the last few months. I do not expect a response from Mr Regan.
I am also alarmed by the comments in the media by SFA President Alan McRae. The roles of both Regan and McRae should mean they are impartial at all times, it would appear that doesn’t sit well with where his football allegiances lie, the look on his face when Scott Brown lifted the Scottish Cup said more than 1,000 words.
Below is a copy of the letter sent:

Mr Regan
I promised myself I wouldn’t write to you again, because my time and energy are more important to me than your opinions, even if you had the guts and the courtesy to reply. But I find that your silence for several months was quite strange in as far as there were several incidents in Scottish Football which I believe merited comment from a person in your position.

But you only ended your silence to make comments on the trial of Craig Whyte in the High Court. I found that strange as Mr Whyte no longer holds a position in any football team in Scotland, even one that is only five years old.
I might be wrong here but I believe Mr Whyte was acquitted of all charges and free to leave the court of his own free will. But you decided that he had some case to answer by claiming that he was no longer welcome in Scottish Football, I wonder if you could enlighten me on what grounds that is the case, bearing in mind that Dave King is welcome.

There has been as I said previously a couple of incidents in Scottish Football that deserved comment from the SFA Chief Executive. For whatever reason you have kept your council (sic) on these incidents, but I believe that genuine football supporters would agree with me in thinking that it is part of your remit to make comment when the situation is important enough.
Let me take through a couple of those incidents, not in any particular order.


First of all when my team Celtic played at Ibrox stadium on April 29th, our Club Captain Scott Brown was confronted on the field of play by a supporter of Rangers, I use the term supporter loosely. At the time of the incident the response from the Police/Security was at best lax, and at worst pathetic. I would have thought such a serious incident would have merited comment, but all we got from you was silence.

At the same match there was another incident which if anything was even more serious. After Scott Sinclair scored for Celtic he was celebrating with his team mates when he was subjected to the most obscene Racist abuse, by more than one supporter of Rangers, and again I use the term supporter loosely. Again the silence from you and the rest of the SFA was deafening.

During that match, and in fact at every match we have played against Rangers we have been subjected to almost non-stop Sectarian singing, and while I would not contend that our support is perfect, they are certainly not Sectarian. I have met with Police Scotland on several occasions this season, they have for the most part been very complimentary in regards to the Celtic Support and their behaviour.

Another question which is being asked by football supporters of all clubs is in regards to the criteria which must be met to be awarded a European spot by the SFA for season 2017/18. Do all the clubs in Scotland which have been awarded a place meet the criteria?

I also note with interest this morning in the media, your colleague (should that be Brother?) SFA President Alan McRae state that it would be a “very boring and dreary” season in Scottish Football if our Invincible Treble Winners aren’t challenged. McRae doesn’t want just any team to challenge, he just wants it to be Rangers who are doing the challenging. I’m sure his predecessor will be proud of him.

This is coming from a guy who has contributed absolutely nothing to Scottish Football, except at Amateur or Highland League level, the guy like you has been an embarrassment to Scottish Football, and those in power at UEFA must wonder how you both got into your high level positions.

Finally Mr Regan, I would like to ask you if you have changed your position on the questions sent to you by the group of Celtic Supporter Shareholders known as “Resolution 12”. Although I never followed the Craig Whyte trial very closely, I read enough to suggest that contrary to what you claimed, the Tax Liability had Crystallised and therefore a European Licence should not have been issued to Rangers.

That means without a shadow of a doubt one or more people were telling lies, the question is Mr Regan were you one of them? I don’t expect you to answer that, but I thought I would ask the question anyway. There is also the case of the DOS/EBT with side letters schemes ran by Rangers, was the full truth put before Lord Nimmo Smith? Again were one or more people telling lies?

That only leaves me to reiterate the position of the Celtic Supporters Association. After the six blind officials match at Hampden our members passed unanimously a “Vote of No Confidence” in you, I think you can safely add your colleague Mr McRae to that now. I also think it is time that you actually asked the supporters of all the member clubs in Scotland if they have any confidence in you to take Scottish Football forward. I would safely predict that UKIP would be more popular than you. For the benefit of Scottish Football please go now.”

Joe O’Rourke,
General Secretary,
Celtic Supporters Association,
Independent Shareholder in Celtic Football Club.

Regular readers will recall that I planned to take Regan to task had the national team failed to qualify for the World Cup finals yet again; stretching their absence to two decades. Two sublime free kicks by Leigh Griffiths provided Regan with a stay of execution. Mr O’Rourke thought otherwise.

Alan McRae is an embarrassment to Scottish football. How many years does one have to spend listening to tedious presentations by fellow SFA officers to be elected to the highest office? Does a background at Cove Rangers prepare one for the challenges of the top tier of Scottish football?

McRae is a jobsworth who has played the ‘nodding dog’ to a succession of other jobsworths, including the incorrigibly corrupt Campbell Ogilvie.

How far will McRae go to achieve his objective of a strong Rangers to challenge Celtic? Will he instruct John Fleming to promote and demote referees on their ability to advance Rangers Lite and undermine Celtic?

Is McRae prepared to subvert FFP regulations to allow a financially doped club to participate in UEFA tournaments? Given the precedent of Porto’s fine one anticipates a fine being levied on Rangers Lite at this time next year. Does it not embarrass you Mr McRae to allow a club that you so openly support to drag their fiduciary recklessness into a UEFA arena?

Rangers went bust due in large part to a lack of governance by the SFA. As you have been an SFA council member since 1993 you have sat on your hands as the club you support engaged in tax evasion and cheating on a scale tantamount to match fixing. Did you raise an inquiring eyebrow when Hugh Adam unequivocally stated that Rangers were cheating? Of course not Mr McRae as you would not have climbed the greasy pole in twenty-two years if you had exhibited a scintilla of integrity. This is a quality that has not been present in SFA council members for generations.

It’s apparent to me and many others that you are fixing the draw of the Scottish Cup to favour Rangers with home draws all the way to the semi-final. We are not fooled by Rod Stewart being invited to engage in a draw in the early rounds. When it comes to the business end of this competition, your competition Mr McRae, Rangers Lite are invariably drawn at home. On occasions when they might not progress on merit you can rely on bent referee John Beaton to subvert the game in their favour.

How far will you  go to advance the cause of your team Mr McRae?

In your capacity as President of the SFA you had the honour of presenting the Scottish Cup to the winning Celtic captain. Why was this simple duty a chore? Why did you balk at presenting the Cup to a player that you so openly despise? You have done well keeping your head down for twenty-two long years as when you lift it above the parapet you are exposed as a bumbling fool.

As for Stewart Regan he has been exposed in a blatant lie. Given his attempt to cover his arse in an e-mail to Ali Russel and Andrew Dickson he is fully aware of this lie. The DOS/VSS tax debt crystallised at the beginning of March, 2011. To state that it had not crystallised at the March and June cut-off dates is a lie. Stewart Regan lied to assist Rangers as he concurs with McRae’s view that a strong Rangers is good for Scottish football. His lies were to the detriment of other clubs who paid their social taxes.

However let’s not hang Regan for a lamb when we have the sheep of his involvement in the LNS fiasco. Could someone explain to me why the Chief Executive of the appellate body, the SFA, saw fit to impose himself on a supervisory committee apropos a Scottish Premier League inquiry? If Nimmo Smith – Lord is just an honorary title – had come to the rightful conclusion that Rangers had gained an illegal competitive advantage would Regan have buried it? What part did Regan play in limiting the scope of the LNS inquiry to exclude the illegal tax evasion of the DOS/VSS scheme? Why was the compromised Campbell Ogilvie allowed to lead testimony for Rangers to save his own neck? Why was Sandy Bryson allowed to fudge a binary issue with the preposterous ‘imperfectly registered but eligible.’

Why was Andrew Dickson who submitted Craig Whyte’s application to be a football director not censured by the SFA? It is common knowledge that Dickson did not disclose that Whyte had been previously disqualified as a company director for seven years. Dickson had full access to the Titon report.

In his role as an experienced administrator regarding club licencing what part did Dickson play in advising RFC Finance Director Ken Olverman how to report the status of the DOS/VSS bill to UEFA given that Dickson knew that it was an overdue payable that had crystallised in March?

Why was Mr Dickson not censured for knowingly withholding the side letters detailing EBT payment to players, managers and directors from the SFA and SPL? Did he fail to mention his own EBT of £33,000?

Could Mr Regan explain why the central figure in the EBT tax evasion of Rangers was elected to the SFA congress in 2015?

Why was Rod McKenzie of Harper Macleod solicitors also appointed to the SFA congress in 2015? Was this his recompense for only looking under the rocks that the SFA had deemed ‘appropriate’ for the LNS commission?

As the ultimate arbiters of the Scottish game why do the SFA allow the SPFL to engage in the lie of Continuation? Does it not behove the SFA to contact Neil Doncaster to take him to task on his transposition of historic titles to a new club formed in 2012?  The SFA know that Rangers Lite are a new club as they initially issued them with a conditional licence.

As for Regan stating that Whyte was still banned from Scottish football did he think that Whyte gave a flying fuck about his perspective? To suggest that the SFA handled the Rangers implosion with the utmost probity and without fear or favour is the rhetoric of the revisionist.

Scottish Football does not need a strong Rangers. It needs a strong SFA.



Imagine There’s No Rangers

During what became know as ‘The Journey‘ did anyone other than those who attend Ibrox via muscle-memory actually miss Rangers?

1. Did one miss the mass unfettered anti-Irish racism?

2. Did one miss the veneration of a Ku Klux Klan leader who successfully pursued an agenda of slashing and maiming Irish émigrés?

3. Did one miss those who mock a potato famine and invite the Pope to have sexual congress with himself?

4. Did one miss the naked apartheid that is Monkey Mimicry?

5. Did one miss the challenge of Scott Brown on the field of play by an individual who exposed himself to an eleven years old girl as she walked down the street with her mother?

6. Did one miss the anti-Irish festival that is Forces Day?

7. Did one miss the lie that a renascent club can claim the titles won by a club that no longer exists. 

8. Did one miss how a club in clear breach of FFP regulations is given a green light to participate in UEFA tournaments by a corrupt SFA?

Point 8 is a reprise of the corruption which occurred with the former club which played at Ibrox in 2011. Are the aforementioned points the symptoms of a deep-rooted Sectarian malaise at the former club that now find an outlet for their recidivism in Charles Green’s basket of assets, Rangers Lite?

Could one change the song from :

‘No-one likes us, we don’t care‘  to:

‘No-one cares about us as we are largely irrelevant and beneath their contempt’?

Should we be rallying round the new club and hugging ‘bears’ in the street? Forgive me if I for one demur, although many of my best friends and family members are Rangers fans whom I would not hesitate to hug. The perceived wisdom is that the majority of Rangers fans are decent God-fearing family men, but if that is the case why do they transform into what Donald Findlay referred to as ’90 minute bigots‘.

Mr. Findlay is now engaging in lifting the rocks on the Ibrox cesspool. One now finds that The Rangers Juggernaut that cut a swathe through Scottish Football was actually a debt-addled junkie on skid row. The methadone was supplied by an odious cabal of Masons at The Bank of Scotland. If anyone has any savings in this Rangers-facing casino, in all its guises, I suggest they withdraw them immediately. Starve the bastards who provided the armaments to assassinate fair play in Scottish Football.

The debt-addled junkie may have visited the Salvation Army and be born again, but I’m not anticipating any Christian fellowship any time soon.

Is Rangers Lite a club run by pariahs for pariahs?

There are those who excuse the systemic criminal behaviour by stating that Rangers Lite merely reflects the social mores of the community it represents. I disagree. Rangers Lite fans the flames and reinforces the recidivist attitudes.

I note that Alex Thomson of Channel Four has been tipped off that the SFA won’t act to strip titles should The Supreme Court uphold the Inner Houses’ ruling that EBT were instruments of tax evasion. If that is the case a root and branch clear out of the SFA is required. At the very least starve the SFA of funds by not supporting the fiasco that is our National team. Let the mendacious piece of shit that is Stewart Regan and Continuation Doncaster know that their days are numbered at The Scottish Cup Final.

I am a late convert to the case for title-stripping. I took the view that Rangers had gone to the wall and that there was no point in flogging a dead horse. However I did not figure on the lie of Continuation having traction and SMSM critical mass. The Continuation Lie underpins the ‘We are The People Supremacy‘ at Ibrox.

This supremacy is however built on the sand of tax evasion and a myth that has been exposed time and time again in the highest courts in Scotland. Rangers Lite are not the club formed in 1872 which was incorporated in 1899. If Third Lanark was rejuvenated and chose to play at Ibrox in light blue, could they make a cogent claim for the history of Rangers?

The idea is preposterous. Scottish Football was fine when the new club was in the  wilderness. There was a better distribution of titles and higher attendances. The insidious influence of the gaming industry was not a factor in what many will look back upon as The Halcyon Days of Scottish Football. Four seasons when the odious Sectarian bile had a smaller platform.

However if a picture can really convey a thousand words, have a look at the following:

This is the table that was designated for Rangers Lite at the PFA Scotland Awards Ceremony. No player from Lite won an award. No member of the concert party carpetbagging board put in an appearance. No member of Caixhina’s management team deemed it worthy of their time to show their support of the best performers in the Scottish game.

During ‘The Journey’ we were led to believe that the new club would make friends along the way. All they did was appal a new audience. If the PFA Scotland Awards are indicative, Rangers Lite are largely irrelevant.

Rod Hull & Emu v Rod McKenzie

In one of the preceding photographs is an individual with a penchant for the comedy of the absurd; in the other is the late Rod Hull & Emu. The inclusion of a glove puppet masquerading as a bird was no accident. It is an apposite metaphor for the curious case of Rangers 2012, the Club with a capital C, whom our learned friend would have us believe is Rangers 1872 or Rangers 1899 as per its date of incorporation.

If I were to rank all three characters in terms of their credibility, I would plump for Emu, followed by Rod Hull’s exhumed cadaver, with Rod McKenzie a distant third. Mr McKenzie is so slippery that he could qualify as a UNESCO Heritage Site for Tree Frogs.

He looks no stranger to pies, bridies and sausage rolls. There’s a whiff of Bovril and Bullshit about him.

Scottish Football has evolved into a corrupt mutation of association football to accommodate a lie. The Lie that Rangers 1872/1899, the club with a Capital C, was sold to Charles Green’s Sevco Scotland as a going concern. Mr Green, with a deft touch of smoke and mirrors , renamed Rangers as RFC 2012. Rangers was finally put out of its misery when Lord Hodge consigned it to Liquidation on October 31, 2012. HMRC, with £92m in unpaid and evaded taxes, voted against the CVA. Rangers were hoist by their own corrupt petard.

As Rangers twisted in the wind like an effigy at Celtic Park, Charles Green was alive to the possibility of making a fast blue buck by acquiring the trading assets of the distressed company and repackaging them as a bastardised version of Rangers. Those who came down in the last shower, wearing bread wrappers on their heads, did not notice the difference. Colour me surprised with a capital C.

Mr. McKenzie is one of the founding partners of Harper McLeod. He acts for the William Hill Organization in relation to betting licensing and general litigation matters in Scotland and the north of England. He is  also the legal adviser to the Scottish Premier League and has acted for them in numerous litigations, disputes and contractual matters.

He is best known for his sleight of hand when he conveniently excluded the illegal DOS/VSS tax -evasion instrument from Bill Smith’s Whitewash Commission. In his esteemed opinion, EBT were a legitimate means of tax ‘efficiency ‘ which did not confer a sporting advantage. I trust McKenzie, whose integrity has no beginning, as far as I could throw him. In the entertainment that is the Kinloch v Coral civil case, which I have nicknamed The Hunfight at the OK Coral,  McKenzie’s testimony has elicited the most incredulity.

When Counsel asked McKenzie if he had a good knowledge of SPL rules , he duly responded:

I suspect I am the person with the best knowledge. I am phoned up and asked about SPL rules on an almost daily basis. The Club, with a capital C, had been sold to Sevco Scotland ltd. We learned this from the press mainly. “

I have highlighted this statement in red as it beggars belief. McKenzie, who must be more than aware of the failed CVA, would have us believe that he would take the fanciful flights of folly of those such as Keith Jackson and Shug Jack as the perceived wisdom of the age.

Mr McKenzie is a Charlatan with a Capital C.

Coral’s retained gunslinger, Craig Sandison QC, shot himself in the foot when he asserted:

Rangers were not relegated from the SPL, they were expelled from it.”

Allow me to edify Mr. Sandison. Charles Green and his basket of assets rocked up at the SPL to solicit the transfer of Rangers 1872  SPL share to Sevco Scotland. Only Rangers 1872, represented by Duff & Phelps, voted in favour of Green’s proposal. Kilmarnock abstained. The remaining 10 clubs voted against as they were facing a season ticket boycott had they agreed to this subversive abomination.

The following exchange was instructive:

Mr Sandison inquired:

” Was the football team called Rangers FC ever relegated from the SPL?”

McKenzie responded:

That would require me to make a judgement on what is ‘relegation’ and I’d rather not do so.”

Forgive me if I pause with exasperation. The self-styled consigliere of the SPL, the go to guy on the rules that he drafted and ratified, was not prepared to make a judgment call on relegation. At this point the presiding judge Lord Bannatyne should have stepped in to force his hand. Should Kinloch lose this case, he has grounds for an appeal.

The Rangers that Mr Kinloch bet on are in liquidation. They are being wound down. Coral have no case to answer. Kinloch’s bet was that Rangers would be ‘relegated’. However all bets were off when they shuffled off their mortal coil.

Unraveling The Cardigan

As The Cardigan dropped in for a smorgasbord of biscuits with Tea Jenny Jackson, whose pallor is more analogous to Long Island Ice Teas than any Twining’s confection, no expense was spared with the comestibles. Jackson set up his side plate  with Oreo in goal, a staunch back four of Bourbon Creams, box to box Custard Creams, and a couple of Ferraro Rocher up front to complete his 4-4-2.  The Silver Fox, who has forgotten more about coaching than he ever knew, plumped for a Wagon Wheel in goal, three Club Oranges in defence, two overlapping Twix who were not allowed to cross the half way line, and a midfield five composed of Terry’s Chocolate Orange segments. Old anti-football habits die hard.

The battle of the comestibles was played as a medley of Dave Clark 5 hits resounded from Keith’s iPod, which was sorcery by another name as far as The Cardigan was concerned. He had a good mind to burn Keith at the stake, but he demurred as he had no desire to jeopardise an Orange Orgy of Pishpuffery.

Far be it for me to rain on their orange parade, but it was somewhat remiss of The Cardigan to omit the following incontrovertible facts:

1. Bob’s your Uncle Walter picked up £10,000 per month from Charles Green for doing the square root of fuck all.

2. Smith stuffed  £200k of free shares in his Starsky & Hutch Cardigan.

3. On the occasions when The Cardigan attended an RFC function he was paid to do so, and drank liberally and dined excessively at Charles Green or his hosts expense. He gained s reputation for having short arms and long pockets.

4. The timeline of The Cardigan stepping down from the board was after Charles Green’s departure. It was not a principled resignation during Charles Green’s tenure.

5. Dutch Uncle Walter received a pay-0ff of almost £30,000 when he stepped down.

6. Smith received a Souness-style EBT bung from the most corrupt man in Scottish football, Campbell Ogilvie, at the behest of the Great Satan of Financial Fair Play, Sir David Murray. At close to £50,000 this would have paid for a lost weekend in Glasgow with Chic Young.

7. In an episode where the fox was encouraged to set about the chickens, Smith established Roosternet Globall LLP to engage in some anti-taxation.


The Cardigan would have use believe that he was black affronted from his association with Charles Green.  However he was not too ashamed to pick up £40,000 from May to August 2013 as non-executive Chairman in a role that put the ‘S’ in sinecure. Nor was he ashamed to pick up £200,000 in free shares from Charles Green. When one includes his £30,000 pay-off and £50,000 EBT transfer bung, that’s close to £320,000 of brazen exploitation by the Rangers legend. A blow-torch would not penetrate Walter Smith’s brass neck

One would never expect hard-hitting investigative journalism from Keith Jackson, the man who put the Billionaire in Bellshill, but had I met up with Walter he would have been lucky to get a couple of rich tea biscuits and a scalding urn of rhetoric.







EBT All Stars v LLP Cinephiles

My student days were not spent wearing straw hats, idly engaging in punting. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. The closest I came to punting was removing drunk Scotland RFU players from L’Attache in Edinburgh in my part-time job as a steward. I became adept at avoiding some of the old street fighter techniques, including the handshake that pulls one into a headbutt, and the arm round the shoulders ‘Let’s be Chinas‘ which incapacitates both arms prior to the punch in the Key Performance Indicators. I had two advantages. I was sober, and five amateur boxers had my back. A series of clicks on the walkie-talkie, the emergency code, would result in my fellow stewards rushing to join the fray. As most of my prospective assailants were drunk, their hay-makers were slower than the second class post. Other than being pinned to a wall by three sober squaddies with broken bottles, when I chose not to invoke the emergency code as I would have lost half my face and an eye if my colleagues had run to my aid, my four years as a steward, 7 -2 a.m. Thursday to Sunday, kept my head above water.There were many advantages. I never paid to enter any club after work and pretty girls would hit on me as they waited in the queue. I met many footballers, including Ally McCoist, who would date their ‘other’ girlfriends in Edinburgh far from the prying eyes of their ‘steadies‘ in Glasgow. The common quip was that Ally was engaged from the waist up. I was introduced to bars that opened at 5 Leith and soon realized that the Rose Street bar crawls were for tourists. The real McCoy was to drink for twenty-four hours without passing out. I lasted twelve hours prior to being poured into a taxi and helped into my ‘Withnail & I‘ slum by the black cab driver. I was dismissed as a lightweight. I was paid cash in hand by the head steward at the end of every shift; £50 per shift. As a student earning £10,000 per annum I was exempt from tax, but others were not declaring this income as they should. However this was not my concern as I sat down to a staff drink and a brown envelope.

£10,000 per annum is small beer, but those who invested the aggregate of £10,000 per week earnings in Limited Liability Partnerships, are facing a backlash from HMRC that will indubitably drive many to the wall. Film partnership schemes were introduced by the Government to encourage British film production by linking investment into film with substantial tax concessions. The schemes have gone through a number of incarnations over the years and were regarded as a relatively established means of allowing wealthy tax payers to defer what were often very large tax liabilities.

A typical scheme would involve setting up an LLP in which investors in the scheme become partners. The partnership then acquires the rights to what will often be a Hollywood blockbuster and then leases those same rights back to the  film production company, who then produce the film; with the lease agreement generating a revenue stream for the partnership.

The initial acquisition of those rights is funded in two ways. The first is a capital contribution by the partners and the second is a loan taken out by these investors. These loans are usually substantial, typically many millions of pounds, and represent in excess of 90% of the total funding of the partnership. The revenue received by the partnership from the production company repays the loans on behalf of the investors. The loan creates a ‘loss’ for the partnership which can be offset against the investors’ own tax liabilities.

The brouhaha in today’s Daily Rectum is not an exclusive. It is not, as many are being led to believe, a triumph for investigative journalism. BS Cooney and Jackass have difficulty investigating their desks for a pack of Fisherman’s Friends to disguise a fly lunchtime half. The prosaic facts of the matter is that an HMRC challenge of the Eclipse 35 LLP was upheld by a First Tier Tribunal. HMRC successfully argued that the scheme was specifically structured simply to create a tax relief for the investors, rather than to further the promotion of the film. The investors were accordingly denied their tax relief.

As film partnership schemes begin to unravel, the true and unforeseen consequences for investors will begin to emerge.The consequence of a successful HMRC challenge to a film scheme is that investors will lose the ability to offset the ‘loss’ of the partnership loan against their own personal tax liabilities. This means that the tax the investors sought to defer or shelter will then fall due. For most investors this is something that they understood and accepted.

What many investors were not warned about, however, was that they would also then become liable for income tax on the income paid by the film production company to the partnership under the lease agreement. This ‘income’ is of course used to repay the loan part of the investment and is never actually received by the investor.

This leads to a disastrous outcome where investors must pay, not only their own tax which they sought to shelter in the scheme, but also tax (usually at the highest rate) on ‘income’ they have never received. As a rough guide, in failed schemes an investor can expect to suffer losses equivalent to about 10 times his cash investment.

This time-bomb will not explode any time soon. The FTT findings will be appealed, as the downside of not appealing far outweighs the cost of a challenge.Those who invested in schemes in 2005/2006 are only now becoming aware of their potential liability. Subsequent years may also be challenged and further tax liabilities may arise.

By the time investors receive tax demands or realize the extent of their liability, and any mistakes that may have been made by their Financial  Advisers, it may be too late for them to make a claim against said advisers.

Now that we know that there has been no outbreak of investigative journalism at the Rectum, should we expect balance? The brown brogue kissing journalists have named and shamed former CFC managers Martin O’Neil and Neil Lennon, with a less than respectful nod up the food chain to Lawwell and Riley.The Rectum then highlights the risks faced by:  Bobby Peta, Chris Sutton, John Hartson, Stan Varga, Alan Thompson and Johan Mjallby, all of whom have exposure to similar LLP schemes.

The Rectum is quick to point an accusing finger at former Celtic player Darren Jackson, who was made bankrupt with debts of £270,000 last year. The majority of the cash was owed to the taxman and related to 
investments in a film production scheme.

At this juncture the Rectum decides to give the dog that answers to ‘balance‘ a bone with the mention of former Rangers coach Gordon Durie, who also went to the wall from his involvement in Eclipse Film Partners No.9.

The Rectum’s selective amnesia in regard to the former Rangers players and managers who engaged in LLP is nothing short of astounding. How remiss of them. Allow me to edify them:

  1. Maurice Ross: Taxi Technology LLP & McCashback Software LLP + £120,000 EBT
  2. Craig Moore: Eclipse No.1 LLP, WRP Dryvac LLP, Taxi Technology LLP +£1.1m EBT
  3. Scott Wilson: Eclipse No.1 LLP, Taxi Technology LLP.
  4. Barry Ferguson: Eclipse No.9, WRP Dryvac & Taxi Technology + £2.5m EBT
  5. Jorg Alberz: Eclipse No. 1.
  6. Walter Smith: Roosternet Global LLP.
  7. Archie Knox: Roosternet Global LLP.
  8. Alan McGergor: Taxi Technology LLP.
  9. Alex Cleland: Eclipse No. 1, Taxi Technology LLP.
  10. Alan Mclaren: Taxi Technology LLP.
  11. Bob Malcolm: Taxi Technology LLP + £125,000 EBT
  12. Charlie Miller: Taxi Technology LLP.
  13. Russel Latepy: Eclipse No.9 LLP.
  14. Kevin Muscat: Eclipse No.4 LLP.
  15. Paul Gascoigne: Scotts Atlantic Distributors LLP.
  16. David Healy: Invicta No.12 LLP

Surely the Rectum were not being kind to their columnist, Barry Ferguson, who has been caught with his hands in the tax evasion cookie-jar yet again? One wonders how a team of RFC LLP Cinephiles would fare against the EBT All Stars. Would Mr. Ferguson be subject to divided loyalties.

The Rectum’s article was most probably written by the Level 5 Lothario, Mangetout Traynor. One wonders what event Monsieur Traynor is trying to deflect our attention from? Has he released the Level 5 Squirrel, Sevcon 1, from its Blythswood Square lair?

Could it in any way be related to a demand for VAT turning faces red in the Blue Room?

I’m encouraged to note that circa 150 have voted for this site:

One can vote on both Twitter:

and the FBA website

To succeed will require several thousand votes. I’m indebted to The Clumpany who graciously pointed out that individuals can vote twice, using both the aforementioned platforms. This will be the only occasion where this site will be eligible for an award. I will not solicit votes on the New Blog ticket next year, should this site survive, irrespective of any post-2014 caveat. The Established Blogs category is a pool of heavy-hitters.

I’m heartened by one kind individual donating £54 for two virtual seats. A virtual table is a distinct possibility should others join the scheme. If you want your user name to be listed on this virtual table, which I will publish when full, please advise.


Due to the munificence of a benefactor, I have now procured the first John James table for ten. The Mensch, Jimbo, one VIP guest & I will be hosting this table. I have contacted the FBA to advise on whether tickets can be sent to my hotel or collected at the venue-The Europa Suite, Old Trafford-on the night. I’m sure all of you will join me in giving thanks to our generous sponsor.

Stay Classy

“The Club’s Directors are fully aware of the disgust felt by Rangers supporters who were subjected to a sickening and shameful display of outright sectarian hatred towards them.We also share the fans’ anger and will be contacting Club 1872 as a matter of urgency.”

“Celtic will not become involved in a tit for tat spat regarding all events at Celtic Park on Saturday. We will deal with all issues arising in a proper and professional manner in line with our well established policies. Saturday was a fantastic event for the club and our fans worldwide. We thank the overwhelming majority of our supporters for the positive backing they gave to the team and for making this such a great occasion.”

Take a long hard look at the photograph of Brendan Rodgers in Barcelona. It’s an image that Stephen Kerr and Mangetout Traynor don’t want you to see. Level 5 have been spinning so vigorously and single-mindedly at their Blythswood Square velodrome that they are still in their dress down Friday lycra shorts. The rumours that shares in Dunkin Donuts dropped in early afternoon trading remain unconfirmed.

Let’s take a cursory glance at the Level 5  in-tray :

  1. Dave King, the career criminal, was nowhere to be seen when the penny finally dropped on the Ibrox faithful that he had sold them a couple of old nags and Trigger’s broom.
  2. Rangers were ‘horsed’ so comprehensively that the honeymoon with Warburton is well and truly over. The fans have called the Banker of America and unequivocally stated: No Surrender and No deal.
  3. The No Surrender  party song’ was relayed to a global family audience.
  4. Some supporters from the minimalist school of interior design chose an homage to Dresden motif when re-appointing the Celtic park water closets.
  5. Celtic are playing a glamour game in The Champions League.


Number 5 on the list is bread and butter to any PR company worth its salt. Serving some appetising canapes of spin to the slavering SMSM smurfs can usually derail the pro-CFC  agenda for just long enough for some post prandial Schadenfreude. Chris Union Jack, Martin ‘Engine-Room Subsidiary’ Williams and Matt Lindsay were reminded of how important the Parks advertising account is to The Herald Group. They were immediately pressed into action:

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Chris Jack, at the back of the photograph, who is checking for a 5 o’clock shadow at 9 p.m. was fed the appropriate image and we’re off and running on a fully blown S&M Sectarian scandal:

This is Celtic Park in 2016. What kind of image did this convey to a global family audience? Are the imbeciles who came up with this stunt proud of their handiwork? The rubber dolls were probably not even noticed by the Rangers support. The outrage came later. This was manna from heaven for Level 5.

The Rangers board, who have been barred from The Horseshoe and are now drinking in the Nag’s Head, have decided to give themselves a good talking to. James Blair, secretary of RIFC is going to have a tea, no biscuits, meeting with Club 1872 Consigliere, James Blair. Is he going to make himself an offer that he cannot refuse? I referred to a frosty city meeting in deference to our Bay City Trader, Woody Warburton.

When I think of the Rangers board and their preferred narrative diatribes, my thoughts turn to Anchorman and Team 4:

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In the photo, taken during Movember, Paul Murray is anchor and Stewart Robertson is an SFA roving reporter.Dave ‘all hat no cattle’ King is in the background as is Je Suis Graham, who is writing some copy with one of Craig Whyte’s old flames, Tits-Up McGee.  Paul, who has overseen a remarkable increase of 60% in salaries at Rangers susidiary Garrion Security, despite the exceptional costs of the Commonwealth Games not in any way impacting the 2015 accounts, is also fond of a chat with James Blair, who is also on this board. The conveyancing solicitor is as ubiquitous as mirrors in Paul’s well-appointed house:

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Paul is a little more phlegmatic about the blow-up dolls at Celtic Park. He instinctively reaches for some homespun philosophy:

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The last word goes to Ron Burgundy who would like to remind all readers to Stay Classy on the John James site where playing the man is outlawed.

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Stay Classy John James World




The EBT Hall of Fame

William Hill’s promotion of their betting empire has resulted in a procession of EBT old boys lining up to take their coin. Graeme Souness, who picked up a £30,000 EBT bung, was the first to step up to promote the semi-final with his usual swagger. Alex McLeish then turned up, throwing his £1.7m EBT into the ring. Ronald De Boer then jetted into town, wearing his £1.2m EBT heart on his sleeve. Is it possible to find a former Rangers player who did not line his pockets by being paid off the books? The Tax Justice Network report is being suppressed in favour of a tribute to David Murray’s tax evasion and avoidance. A William Hill EBT Hall of Fame.

One of the most amusing aspects of David Murray’s cheating was the credulity of Sandy Bryson at the SFA. Did it not occur to the SFA’s compliance officer that the salaries paid ‘on the books’ were able to attract such a galaxy of stars to Ibrox? Did he abnegate on his responsibilities ‘for the good of Scottish football?  A cynic might suggest that this tired phrase is a euphemism for what’s best for Rangers. It’s for the good of Scottish football that players only declared 20% of their salaries to the SFA. It’s for the good of Scottish football that their tax avoidance/evasion is deemed to be imperfect but above board. It’s for the good of Scottish football that the President of the SFA lied to an allegedly independent commission. It’s for the good of Scottish football that this commission’s scope was changed to exclude the DOS/VSS tax avoidance strategy, as it had been deemed to be illegal.

I expect Rangers to win The Scottish Cup on Saturday as it’s for the good of Scottish football. The SFA appointed match officals, who have awarded five penalties to Rangers this season in their nine games in charge, with Rangers winning eight and drawing one, know what is expected of them. Steven McLean, who subverted the Scottish Cup semi-final last season, has been rewarded for his cheating with this plum game. Is it as difficult to find an honest referee at the SFA as it is to find a former Rangers player/manager who did not benefit from an EBT?

Chris Union Jack, who runs his Rangers fanzine GersTimes with commendable enthusiasm, was not deemed senior enough to interview Mr De Boer. Neil Cameron was given the assignment. One can but assume that this is why Mr De Boer went ‘off message’ when he stated that  it was “fair” that his old club were punished four years ago for the ‘financial mismanagement’ which led them into liquidation. He also stated that it was appropriate that Rangers had to apply to join Scottish professional football. Has he not heard of the relegation myth? How remiss of him not to state that Rangers were demoted. Does Mr De Boer have no shame as to his part in the tax avoidance/evasion which eventually resulted in HMRC pulling the plug on Rangers continuing as a going concern?

But the Dutchman, who spent four years and a £1.2m EBT at Ibrox, believes Rangers have emerged from that wreckage in better shape and with many harsh lessons having been learned. The lesson Mr De Boer is that you can lie to HMRC and the SFA for eleven seasons and only receive a £250,000 fine. If you engage in an eleven season orgy of tax evasion/avoidance, the fine will only represent 0.53% of the tax avoided/evaded. Now that there is a notorious criminal in the boardroom at Ibrox who participated in this tax fraud enterprise, he might as well pay players off the books as he knows that he would get away with it. Maybe the SFA would extend the fine to 1% if King chose to do so.He could rest assured that Scotland’s very own Keystone Cops would not be dropping by as was the case with the City of London police. I’m fairly certain that it would be considered to be for the good of Scottish football.

Mr De Boer, from his position of the moral high ground, believes that Rangers will not be so far behind their rivals (CFC) next season. He also stated that: “It would be huge for Rangers to win the Scottish Cup; and if they win the final on Saturday it would mean European football. I think everyone with a Rangers heart has been dying for this moment.”

Those with a Rangers heart Mr De Boer include all six of the match officials, and to add another advantage to Rangers over Hibs, it has been reported that the light blues are interested in signing Jason Cummings. It’s the second time Rangers have unsettled a Hibs player prior to a cup game this season. As he’s under contract until 30th June 2017, I anticipate that he will sign a pre-contract agreement in January  and join the squad for free in 2017/2018 as is the case with Crooks and Windass from Accrington Stanley.

There is also interest in Joseph Anthony Barton who will be available on a free transfer as he turns thirty-four on September 2nd of this year. Mr Barton was very disappointed that no English Premiership Clubs were prepared to sign him last season and that he is so peripheral to Burnley’s ambitions for next season that they are only prepared to provide a one-year contract.Mr De Boer likes the look of Mr Barton, as he opined: “I have seen Joey Barton play and I think he is a player with a lot of experience. What is important when you go up to the next step is to have players who have been there, seen it and done it.He is maybe not the best player to come to Rangers but he has an attitude over him that he is here for one thing only – winning games. You need that kind of character in the dressing room and on the training ground. He can help them make the next step.

Mr De Boer, who turned down Manchester United as they did not offer to pay his salary ‘netto‘ should surely realise that the only reason Joey Barton will sign for Rangers is that they put the best offer on the table. He has to weigh up the image rights he would earn from one year in the English Premiership and what he could command in China. I would be surprised if the reported £10,000 per week was enough.

If Mr Barton did not sign up for the Warburton revolution, it would put paid to The Record’s chief TJN oppressor Radar Jackson’s theory of a Barton v Keane box office. Just when you thought Radar had scraped the bottom of the barrel, he tilts it on its side to ‘scoop’ up the scum beneath it. If CFC hire Roy Keane, they will replace a good manager in Deila with a substandard club manager in Keane. He’s a good pundit but he will refuse to travel to Glasgow from his Manchester home for more than three days per week. He thinks that his time is better spent walking his dog in Manchester and making the short trip to the new ITV studios in MediaCity. CFC would be hiring a part-time manager. It’s the kind of appointment we have come to expect from No Pistol Pete. Rangers odds for wining next season’s title would shorten by 2/3 points if CFC hired the serial failure, Roy Keane.

Are William Hill aware that Hibs are playing in Saturday’s final? Do they know who they are? I realise that they would have to employ the modern day equivalent of Burke & Hare to dig up the last Hibs players to have won the cup in 1902, but could they not hire Ian Black who formerly played for Hibs Under 17s and Rangers? Apparently he was fond of a bet or two on Scottish football. He would be the ideal ambassador for William Hill.

On a final note, Alex Thomson has stated on Twitter that the Tax Justice Network’s evidence that exposes the corruption at the heart of Scottish football governance was gleaned from The Charlotte Fakeovers leaks and that the media won’t touch as it’s toxic. Would this be the same leaks that are being used in the witch-hunt of Craig Whyte and that were deemed as admissible in court in the civil trial that resulted in Mr Whyte owing Ticketus £17.1m? Do we have to pin our faith in a successful conviction of Whyte in a trial that has been an omnishambles to date? I wonder what odds Ian Black would give on this trial collapsing on June 3rd?  Would he be more generous than William Hill who are offering 2/5 on hot favourites Rangers?